A Bee In Her Bonnet

From the mouths of babes

2008-07-24T16:30:00.003-05:00

Tonight I found my son playing in the media room at my sisters house singing into a video game microphone. The song of choice? Jesus Loves Me. His rendition, however, is better....

Jesus loves me, dis I know
Before dat Bible telled me so
I da one to him belong, dis I know
Yes Jesus Loves Me
Yes Jesus Loves Me
Da Bible telled me so

Oh the wisdom of little children :)

Unaware

2008-07-24T16:05:00.000-05:00

The day following my daughter’s c-section I found my self itching to begin moving and walking to start down the path of recovery so I could go home with my new baby girl. I took my first walk about 12 hours after surgery, from the bed to the bathroom. Not that impressive. An hour later I walked to the nurse’s station and back. By the next morning I was doing laps around the postpartum wing and itching to go further, specifically to the children’s wing to see the incredible wall murals that I had heard so much about from the nurses. Late in the afternoon, the day after surgery, I began to get restless and decided to venture beyond the postpartum wing, with my husband and baby in tow (in a rolling bassinet per the nurses). We walked and talked, stopping only long enough to allow me to catch my breath and breathe through post labor pains. Thinking back I vaguely remember this odd clicking sound every time we walked past the hallway from the postpartum wing to the children’s wing and by the third time we had passed the foyer it occurred to me how strange it was that I heard the clicking at the same place over and over again. I mentioned it to my husband and he said it sounded like the door to the stairwell wasn’t sealed very well and was creaking from the change in pressure between wings as we opened doors. I never gave it another thought.

Later that night as we walked around the children’s wing we decided to venture further into the hospital into the labor and delivery wing and as we wheeled my daughter down the hallway I began to notice the clicking sound more and more until suddenly a woman came bursting out of a room behind us and yelled, “STOP RIGHT THERE!”. My husband and I froze, turned to see the woman and she rushed towards us barking, “What is your name? Let me see your id bracelet!” I held out my wrist, puzzled and she immediately grabbed my daughter and unwrapped her revealing a large ankle bracelet with a sensor on it and held it up to my bracelet to compare. We looked at her with complete confusion as she wrapped the baby back up and ordered me to return to my room. I asked her if something was wrong and she told me that we had been setting off alarms all over the hospital and they couldn’t figure out who was “stealing” my baby. You see, apparently that itsy bitsy little sensor on my daughters leg was SHUTTING DOWN ELEVATORS, locking stairwell exits and setting off a blaring alarm in the infant nursery. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, I was not allowed to leave the postpartum wing with my daughter until discharge. Oops.

I think sometimes we aren’t aware of the ways in which others see us, whether or not their interpretation of our behavior is accurate. As I reflect back on the work that our leadership team (elders and ministers) has been doing in the past few weeks I find myself wondering what the congregation sees in our leadership team. What can we learn from their observations of us as a team? How accurate are their observations? What role are we playing in accuracy of those observations?

Surgery

2008-07-16T13:52:00.004-05:00

It has been nine weeks since the birth of my new baby girl and as I reflect back on the past two months I keep thinking back to our time in the hospital. Because of circumstances from my son’s birth, we knew well before my daughter was born that I would be having another c-section. I’ve heard from other c-section mommies that recovery gets easier and easier after each surgery because the mommies know what to do to aid their bodies in healing. I am specifically thinking about the push that nurses make to get patients moving and walking mere hours after undergoing pretty intensive surgery. With my son I fought the nurses; with my daughter I knew that getting active quickly was the key to a speedy and less painful recovery.

There is nothing easy about surgery. It is invasive, it is painful, inconvenient, and it leaves you vulnerable and tired. Often, though, surgery is necessary for improving quality of life and/or repairing damage.

The past few weeks, the Elders and Ministers of our church have been engaging in some much needed team building exercises. It seems as though each time we meet the exercises become more invasive, more painful, more inconvenient, and afterwards I find myself vulnerable and tired. But, each time we meet I am better acquainted with what will be required of me and what I can do to speed the process and improve the quality of our time together. As we are progressing through each difficult session I am amazed as I watch walls breaking down, wrongs being righted, and friendships, authentic friendships, being forged. Every time we meet it is difficult and challenging but the need for healing is lessening and our strength as a team is building. Much like the surgery I underwent nine weeks ago, the blessing that comes from these invasive procedures is new life, new life as brothers and sisters, new life as team members, and new life as workers for the kingdom.

Praise God for new beginnings.

So Much To Say

2007-11-05T08:27:00.001-06:00

My son has reached an age where the biggest and most frequent changes are occurring in his language. Just in the past 2 weeks alone he has moved away from his one word grunts and has begun stringing together multiple words into sentences. I feel like someone reached inside his tiny little head and flipped a switch and he is suddenly conversational. Just the other night as we were driving down the road I noticed a gorgeous full moon about the same time as my son but instead of pointing out the moon with a little fat finger and an enthusiastic "Mooooooo" as he usually does, my son blurted out, “Well look at the moon!” I nearly ran off the road in shock.

I’m inspired by him, I really am. I watch each and every day as he tries new words and new skills and is not at all crippled by the fear of failure or of being wrong. I honestly can’t remember the last time I REALLY tried something new much less something new in my quest for God and I find myself envious of his bravery. At what point did I reach this stagnant place in my life and in my faith? How did I become so complacent in my spiritual mediocrity?

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.
Psalm 63:1-3

Your thoughts?

No, No, No

2007-07-25T07:38:00.000-05:00

I’ve noticed lately that Little Man has begun tuning me out. It isn’t that surprising, really; there is a lot going on in his world and lots of new things to explore and learn every single day. It isn’t that he tunes me out completely; it is really just when he is in trouble. I find myself saying, “Little Man, look at mommy’s face….what did mommy say?” over and over again in an effort to make sure the lesson isn’t lost on him. Today however, when I asked him that question, he replied with the most pathetic, ho-hum, Ben Stein-esque, “No, no, no” that it caught me off guard. As he ran off to play I stayed crouched down completely caught up in the moment realizing what it must be like to on his side of the conversation.

Do you have any naysayer’s in your life? I do. I am sure you can relate because we can all be naysayers at one time or another, but this particular naysayer is someone that I respect a great deal and has been a friend of mine for many years. For those reasons, I often find the naysaying particularly hurtful because I receive very little, if any, encouragement from that person. I confess that many times I don’t even want to be around my friend because I feel like no matter what I do, all I get is “no, no, no”, so to speak. It is so stifling and so spirit crushing that many times I find myself passing on the bad behavior to other people in my life as though reciprocating the negativity will somehow alleviate the way it makes me feel.

While working at the church a few months after my son was born, I stole away to the back room of the church to feed him. The director of our preschool came by and sat and talked with me while I fed my son so I took the opportunity to pick her brain about a couple of things. As our conversation neared an end and she got up to leave, I asked her one final question, “If you could give one piece of advice to every new mother, what would it be?” She smiled and sat back in the rocker next to me and said sweetly, “Say “no” as little as possible and find ways to say “yes” every single day.” At first I thought she meant don’t tell your children “no” and thought to myself “that will breed a particularly obnoxious generation of kids” but as she explained I realized she wasn’t saying you couldn’t tell your children no but that so often “no” is all that little kids hear: “Don’t touch that, Get Down, Spit that out, Be Quiet, Don’t take off your shoes,” etc. She was saying that you can teach your children how to be respectful and behave without breaking their spirit.

I thought back to that moment as I sat crouched in the playroom watching my son return to his toys after his scolding. A few minutes passed until he walked back up to me and handed me his milk (instead of throwing it on the floor as he usually does). I praised him and praised him and told him what a good boy he was for following directions and then I got down to his eye level and said, “Little Man, look at mommy’s face….what did mommy say?” He looked at me with the most confused look I’ve ever seen on his face and said, “No, no, no?” and I laughed and said, “Mommy said “Good boy!” A smile shot across his face and he said, “Good boy (gooboy), Good boy!"

Are you a naysayer or an encourager? In my experience, the naysayers can usually chalk their negativity to high levels of productivity or the thin skinned nature of the person on the receiving end but the truth is that there really is no excuse for that kind of behavior in the body of Christ. I am guilty of it, I am sure, but the truth is that we all have the capacity to be a naysayer in someone’s life whether we are aware of it or not. My question is, how can you build someone else up this week?

“Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11

Your thoughts?

Shout it!

2007-07-23T08:00:00.000-05:00

The other night as I was praying with my son before putting him to bed, I said the word “Jesus” in my prayer and for the first time he busted out in a surprisingly loud voice, “AMEN!” It startled me and I stifled a laugh as I continued praying in the darkness of his room until ended the prayer with, “In Jesus name….” to which he exclaimed “AMEN”.

This past week I took my little guy with me for a lunch date at my grandparent’s house. As we sat around the table and bowed our heads to pray before lunch, I was so proud to look over and see my little one with head bowed and eyes closed. He sat quietly through a very long prayer (well, at least long for a 19 month old) until my grandfather said “Jesus” to which my son snapped to attention and shouted at the loudest volume to date, “AMEN!!!!” My grandfather stopped praying and we sat there in silence for a moment, which my son took as encouragement so he continued to shout, “AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!!!!!” I immediately leaned over to quiet him so that my grandfather could continue praying but it only spurred him on to affirm the prayer even more. Afterwards I was apologetic and even a bit embarrassed at my son’s outburst but as I drove home I realized that if anyone was in the wrong, it was me! How wrong of me to discourage my enthusiastic little boy from participating in something that is so clearly an important part of our lives, whatever his method may be.

This week our church is hosting its annual “Summer Bible Quest: VBS for the whole family” and the theme is, appropriately, “Shout it”. Last night as I walked through the auditorium I heard a throng of little voices singing the following lyrics at the top of their lungs:

Shout it! Shout it out loud!
Shout it! Shout it out loud!
Shout it! Shout it out loud!
I’m gonna tell the world about Jesus
What he’s done for you
What he’s done for me
I’m gonna tell the whole world that Jesus is the truth

I wonder how much more effective God’s message would be if we proclaimed his name as loudly and as enthusiastically as our children?

Shout with joy to God, all the earth!
Sing the glory of his name; make his praise glorious!
Psalm 66:1-2

Your thoughts?

Sacrifice

2007-07-18T05:44:00.000-05:00

It was 3:23a.m. and I was sound asleep. The noise was so loud and horrific that I bolted straight out of bed and ran for my son’s room. In the three seconds it took me to cross the house I was sure one of three things had happened: 1) a car had crashed through the front side of the house, 2) the ceiling had collapsed in my son’s room or 3) someone had broken into the house. When I rounded the corner of the hallway and passed the nursery to open my son’s door I was confused to find that the noise was coming from the nursery and that the light was on. I threw open the door and immediately flipped off the light, thus quieting the noise that had terrified me to the core. Apparently, sometime during the night, one of my son’s balloons had made its way from the living room, down the hallway, into the nursery and had been caught up in the blades of the fan. The noise was the sound of the string wrapped so tightly around the motor that it had actually pulled the light cover up into the fan. I collapsed to the darkness of the floor, trembling from the adrenaline as my very groggy husband came slowly shuffling in the room to see what the noise was.

The whole ordeal lasted no longer than 90 seconds but I lay in bed shaking, heart pounding for another hour afterward. It was the first time in my life that I truly understood the depth of a mother’s love for her children. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you what a big chicken I am. Any other time in my life I would have run for my dad, run for my parent’s bedroom, or more recently woken my husband to go investigate as I hid under the covers. When my husband first became a firefighter I was so terrified of being in my house alone that I spent the night at my parent’s house every night he was on shift. For those of you who don’t know, that is every 3^rd night….for nearly 2 years….and I was 27 years old.

Lying in bed, trying desperately to calm my overactive imagination, I began to think about what my life would be like if I were to lose my son. Tears streamed down my face as I thought about the hole that his absence would bring in my life. I immediately thought of Abraham and Isaac and what must have been going through Abraham’s mind as he stood over his son, armed raised to deliver the blow that would end little Isaac’s life and the depth of the sacrifice God had asked him to make. Then I thought of God and the sacrifice he made when he sent Jesus to the cross. The idea of sentencing my own son to death so that others can live is so far beyond my comprehension that it seems impossible but equally amazing is the fact that God allows each and every one of us to experience the parent/child relationship in our lives. For me, experiencing that relationship, both as a child and as a parent gives even more depth to the sacrifice that was made for my life.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16

Your thoughts?

Weight of the World

2007-07-17T10:01:00.000-05:00

I disappeared, I know.

In the last 90 days our church finished remodeling and we entered our new technologically upgraded sanctuary, the responsibilities of which I am still trying to get a grasp on as the Technology Minister. In less than 30 days we are opening a second campus; more construction, new technology, more volunteers, nearly double the workload. Toss in 3 trips, four visits from relatives, a job change for my husband and the news that one of my good friends is moving away and you get the highlights of what has been occupying my brain for the past few months.

If you dig deeper, you might see some other stuff going on; depression, some exhaustion and a lot of scrambling. My husband has been teasing me that I am going through a quarter-life crisis and as funny as he thinks that is, I am not so sure he is off track. I’ve been feeling very stifled lately like something in my life isn’t right. I’ve prayed about it, I’ve thought about it and I’ve even talked about it with the people close to me but nothing seems to alleviate the suffocated feeling. Most tell me it is just a phase or that the feeling will pass once work stabilizes but somehow comments like that make things feel worse, not better. I can’t shake the feeling that it is not situational or temporary and I feel helpless to solve it.

On the other side, this phase has made me more nostalgic, it forces me to consider every action (because I don’t want anyone to know how I feel) and it makes me more intentional with everything that I say and do because I don't want to cheating everyone out of the joyful me. It is not like my life can stop because I don’t feel right; I still have to work, I am still a friend, a wife and a mommy, I just have to work twice as hard to be that person. I know this isn’t uncommon and I can’t help but wonder who else secretly feels this way. I am not really looking for an answer, more just putting it out there and wondering who else is walking around with the weight of the world on their shoulders.

Like A Skin

2007-05-17T09:48:00.000-05:00

The butterfly can just look back

Flap those wings and say Oh, yeah
I never have to be a worm again

The snake gets tired of being him
He wriggles from that itchy skin
Leaves it lying where he’s been and moves on

I’ve been longing for something tangible
Some kind of proof that there’s been change in me

Feels like I have been waking up
Only to fight with the same old stuff
Change is slow and it fills me with such doubt
Come on New Man where have you been
Help me wriggle from this Self I’m in
And leave it like a skin upon the ground

Sara Groves
The Other Side of Something
Listen here

Force of Habit

2007-04-24T00:34:00.000-05:00

This morning as I was dressing my son I noticed that when I picked up his pants to put them on him, he lifted up his leg in anticipation of putting it in the leg hole. Not a big deal, I know, but it surprised me because he had never done it before. Later when I grabbed the spray bottle to spritz his frizzy hair into soft curls he closed his eyes and ducked his head down. It made me smile.

When the little guy was brand-spanking new, we were encouraged to develop steady repetition in his routines because his preemieness (if that is a word) would cause him to be sensitive to over-stimulation. To be honest, the repetition also helps with a lot of other issues like putting him to bed at night and keeping him occupied while I get ready in the morning. For instance, he knows without a doubt that when mommy snuggles him up and sings "God Is So Good" that it is bed time, period. The repetition that we provide helps him feel safe, gives him something to rely on, and teaches him about consistency.

I heard once that it takes 28 days of repetition to form a pattern and 90 days to form a habit; it is the reason that many rehab centers offer 28 and 90 day programs. I've been thinking a lot about my habits lately, both the good ones and the bad, and wondering what new habits I could be developing. Believe it or not, I've actually posted a 90 day calendar on my bathroom mirror and have been putting a little gold star up for every day that I work out. Lame, I know, but you won't believe how effective it has been. When I get home after a long day of work, make dinner, pick up the house and put the munchkin to bed, working out is the very last thing I want to do until I see that chart. Knowing you are 65 days in and that skipping that day will cause you to start over breeds a new kind of motivation.

I won't bore you with the details of the new habits I am trying to forge but I will ask, have you considered your habits lately?

Your thoughts?

Reunited

2007-04-19T06:55:00.000-05:00

Through the wonder of technology and social networks I was able to locate a dear friend with whom I had lost touch almost 6 years ago. This particular friend has always had a dear place in my heart not just because she taught me to play the guitar and because we both have a deep love for missions, cultures and languages but because she holds the distinction of having had more influence on my spiritual life than any non-family member ever has. Her absence in my life has been felt numerous times in the past six years so I am really grateful to be back in touch.

Last night as I read off the last email from my friend, readied myself for bed and began to unwind I thought a lot about my friend and the memories we shared. As I laid my head on the pillow and began to drift off to sleep I thought about heaven and how wonderful it will be to reunite with so many dear brothers and sisters. The small glimpse of heaven that I was afforded in a simple conversation with a long lost friend was truly a gift from God.

For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.
1 Thessalonians 4:16-18

Your thoughts?

Shadows

2007-04-18T00:02:00.000-05:00

It all began during spring break when my dad offered to watch my son during the day as he worked on remodeling one of the rooms in our house.

At night I would find our little guy hammering the wall, measuring everything in sight, and leveling anything with a flat surface. Last week I walked in and found him with the telephone wedged between his ear and shoulder while tapping on my laptop with all 10 of those pudgy fingers.

This weekend we were shopping in the grocery store when a stranger walked up and started talking to him and he mimicked her laugh. Then this morning when someone cut me off in traffic I yelled, "Hey! Watch where you are going!" to myself, really, and I heard from the backseat, "Hey!"

Yikes.

Living with a sponge is fun but scary; it is amazing to me how much he is taking in and processing but it forces me to think about the kind of example I am serving up for him to mimic. I am told that it will really hit when he begins mimicking something I don't want him to pick up on but it is already making a significant impression on me.

Has anyone ever told you that they look up to you or admire you?

When my husband and I worked in youth ministry there was a girl in the youth group who said those exact words to me. I was so flattered and honored at first but as I began to see her emulate my actions it became completely terrifying knowing that she was looking to me for an example.

One time during our weekly Bible study I talked with her about the danger of putting faith or hope in each other instead of Christ and encouraged her to focus on Christ and not her Christian brothers and sisters. Less than a year later my husband and I left youth ministry and the state to be closer to family and the disappointment was so devastating that she completely cut me out of her life, literally.
I still have the letter that she wrote me, telling me all of the ways in which I disappointed her and how it was easier to not be friends than to be disappointed.

A bit dramatic? Probably, but she was 15 so her reaction was not surprising, just disappointing. It has been 5 years since we last spoke and I googled her name the other day and found out that she is now in college, active in ministry, and has even published some articles on the faithfulness of Christ.

One lesson I am sure she learned? Christians disappoint but Christ doesn't.

Who do you put your hope in?

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-3

Your thoughts?

Time Out

2007-04-17T00:48:00.000-05:00

My little guy is 16 months old, but from all appearances he has officially entered the terrible twos.

As an avid "people-watcher" I find the whole experience completely fascinating albeit irritating at times. Watching him test his world, his mommy, and his boundaries is such a growing experience for me as a parent because it gives me newfound respect for both my parents and my God. It has caused me to be more intentional with what I say and how I follow through on my words and it has caused me to be more consistent with the boundaries that I set for him.

The first time that I put him in 'time out' (one minute in the corner) he thought it was a game and kept looking back to see if I was still watching and if I would make him stay there. By the third or fourth time he had stopped looking back to see if I was there and just whimpered, bottom lip sticking out, and big ol' crocodile tears streaming down his face until I told him he could get up. Then his morning he did something he knew he shouldn't do (hit the dog) and looked at me to see if I had witnessed what he had done. When we made eye contact I said, "Do you want to sit in time out?" and his eyes grew like saucers as he said emphatically, "No, mama" and raised his chubby arms for me to hold him.

I am not naïve; I know that the boundary testing has only begun, but I also know that my consistency will not only teach him about obedience and respect but also about a God who will never give up on him. The boundaries that I set and enforce will be just as influential to his spiritual development as the middle of the night hugs after he has had a bad dream. I know that as painful as it is to watch my little guy cry because I told him "no" it is nothing compared to the pain that I cause God every time I sin and that the pain he is feeling is formative and important to his development.

Being a parent makes me see my relationship with God in a new light; it causes me to think about the pains I have experienced and will continue to experience in my life and what purpose they have for my spiritual formation. What lesson is he teaching me or allowing me to learn?

We have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:9-11

Your thoughts?

The Sandbox

2007-04-16T01:34:00.000-05:00

In the aftermath of Easter weekend, the staff at our church was granted an unexpected and completely guilt-free day off from work; it was awesome.

I spent the day hanging out with my boys, catching up on household forgottens, and just recharging my batteries in general.

Towards the end of the day I took my little guy to the local park, something we haven't done in a while because of the weather. It was rather sunny that day and he wouldn't keep his hat or sunglasses on so I took him beneath the mecca of slides and plopped down in the sand with him.

We sat there playing with the sand, cupping it up in our hands and letting it slip through our fingers onto our skin, clothes, even hair. At one point I took the little toy boat he was playing with, dug a big hole in the sand, dropped it inside and covered it with a mound of sand. His mouth dropped open, he looked up at me with THE saddest face you've ever seen and tears immediately sprung to his eyes. I was surprised, certainly not the response I expected.

I quickly pushed back the sand and dug up the 'lost' toy, handing it back to him. He looked at it, then the sand, then me, and let out this deep chuckle like, "Well, look at that!" before putting the boat back in the hole and sprinkling sand on top. For the next half hour we buried and unburied the boat, our hands, our feet, our shoes and everything else we could find.

That night as I gave him a bath and tried to rid his hair and skin of the remaining sand, it occurred to me that teaching him that unseen does not equal not present would one day help him better understand God. As I rinsed the soapy bubbles from his soft little curls I thought about all of the lessons he had yet to learn and about the ways I could use even the simple things to testify to my son about my Heavenly Father. Who knew a lazy afternoon in the sandbox would be the first of many God lessons for us both?

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Deuteronomy 11:18-19

Your thoughts?

Look Mommy!

2007-03-13T10:56:00.000-05:00

The weather in Texas has been absolutely gorgeous for about two weeks now and in celebration of the clear air, bright sun and soft breezes, my son and I have taken an hour long walk together every day. I love that time together because spring air is so magical filled with promises of green grass, fragrant flowers and beautiful colors. Throughout most of the walk I take the time to point out things and name them or describe colors and sounds but this week my son began pointing things out to me. Of the many things he points to, airplanes are by far his favorite (based on the number of times he points them out). Every time one goes over head his chubby little finger points skyward and he corkscrews his little head around to get my eye contact as if to say, “Mommy, look!” I love it. I immediately stop and stoop down to eye level and say very deliberately, “airplane”. He looks at my mouth, then my eyes and points again to which I say, “airplane”. We follow this routine at least 5-10 times on every single walk. Would I normally care or notice that there was an airplane in the sky? Probably not. I care because he cares.

For the past few weeks, our church has been studying the conversion stories of John in a series entitled, “Changed: Why and How Jesus Changes Everything”. Two weeks ago we studied the story of the woman at the well in a sermon entitled, “Come and See”. If you have the time, it is worth a listen and can be found here. Towards the end of the sermon Tim Spivey talked about the importance of relational outreach and shared the following quote from biblical scholar, Kuehne, “I have discovered that people will most often come to love us before they come to love our Savior.”

This week I was reminded of that quote each and every time my son pointed out an airplane because I knew my love for him caused me to be excited about something I couldn’t care less about on another day. Aren’t we all that way? I hate cold calls and telemarketers but if a friend were to recommend the same product as a random telemarketer calling during dinnertime, I would be so much more inclined to check out the product because of my friend’s recommendation. I can’t help but wonder how my relationships with people cause or prevent them to want to know Christ more. How about you?

Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, "Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?" They came out of the town and made their way toward him.
John 4:28-30

Your thoughts?

Seeing God

2007-03-04T01:45:00.000-06:00

This month my book club made a switch from reading literature and historical novels to take a turn at a gender specific Christian themed ‘self help’ book of sorts. The book itself was not great, to say the least, and for that reason I won’t slander the author specifically but there was one chapter that has really changed my perspective in the last month. This particular chapter addressed the inherent difference between man and woman and how both sexes possess qualities of God so that when the two are together they are most like God. It is a pretty simple concept, I admit, but one that I had never really given much thought. What struck me most is not the notion that women possess certain God qualities that men don’t possess or visa versa, but that we all possess qualities of God. As I’ve moved through the past four weeks it has really made me think about the people in my life and how each of them reflect my Lord and Savior. Here is a small list of some people I’ve encountered this week coupled with the God-like quality they possess and the scripture that describes that attribute of God….

Ashlie – patient (Psalm 103:8)
Rhesa – compassionate (Psalm 103:13)
Jackie – truthful (Titus 1:2)
Becky – wise (Job 12:13)
Travis – loving (1 John 4:16)
Hayley – merciful (2 Corinthians 1:3)
Jon – righteous and just (Isaiah 45:19)
Jennifer – beautiful (Psalm 27:4)
Christopher – glory-filled (Psalm 24:10)
Kathryn - nurturing (Psalm 104:27-30)
Glen - Protecting (Psalm 91)

How do you see God in the people around you?

A Wave And A Smile

2007-02-10T01:09:00.000-06:00

My son is in such a friendly stage right now. He recently discovered that waving at someone causes them to smile, and wave back - amazing! Our trips to the grocery story are down right comical if not slightly embarrassing. I’ve started to think that he is secretly tallying up the number of people he can get to wave back to him as if trying to beat the number from the week before. Up until yesterday, he had an amazing track record for turning the grumpiest-looking people into happy, baby-talking, ‘googlers’ (as I call them).

Yesterday was different though because as we walked down the long aisle of paper towels and sandwich bags, a man approached our cart, looked at my waving son and kept walking without a response. My son instantly looked at me with a puzzled look and then strained to his right to look around me at the man as he walked away still waving just as eagerly as before. He watched until the man was out of sight and then looked at me with big puppy dog eyes and his hand cocked to the side like, “What happened?” I kissed his sweet head then waved back at him as exuberantly as I could which pacified him until he found his next instant friend.

In the long run, the moment probably had little if any long term effect on him but it affected me because it made me realize all of the heartbreaking lessons he has yet to learn. Granted, having someone not return a friendly wave isn’t big in the grand scheme of things but I know it is just the beginning of some very painful life lessons. I know that if I could prevent him from enduring the heartbreak that he will inevitably endure I would, but in my heart of hearts I know that those lessons are necessary for his emotional and spiritual growth and that they will ultimately play a role in the kind of man, husband, and father that he becomes.

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
Romans 5: 3-4

Your thoughts?

In "Other" Words: Giddy

2007-02-06T00:28:00.000-06:00

"I long to worship Jesus with the heart of a child, in a state of pure and true adoration. Yet so many things of the world cloud my thoughts and pull on my heart until it's no longer just a girl in the arms of the Father."
~Darlene Schact~
"The Mom Complex"

Just the other day, I watched my friend's daughter for her so that she could make one final visit to her obstetrician before the arrival of her new baby boy. I have to confess that I absolutely adore my friend's daughter, whom I'll call RR, and love it when my friend calls me to watch her. This particular visit, RR arrived during the middle of my son's nap so the first 30 minutes she and I played quietly in the opposite end of the house. As I heard my son start to stir, RR and I tiptoed quietly down the hall to his room where I barely cracked open the door and let RR peak her head in. The groggy little boy looked up sleepily from his crib and when he saw the sweet face of his precious friend, a grin the size of Texas immediately spread across his face. As she walked closer to his crib, his smile grew so big that he looked positively giddy. RR started giggling and clapping and my little guy just sat there staring at her, starry-eyed with unashamed joy ( I later told my mom he looked high). He stood up, glanced quickly at me and then pointed at her as if to say, "I want to see her!!!". I picked him up and placed him on the floor next to her and they both began giggling, then she gave him a big hug and they both fell over giggling. I stood there, drinking in the moment, knowing that moments like those were rare and that very soon there would come a day when both would be ashamed to so publicly enjoy each other's company.

Every time I think back to that moment, my eyes tear up because I've felt that adoration in my heart towards my heavenly Father many, many times in my life but I don't know that I've ever let my joy creep to the surface like my son. What holds me back? Oh, so many things: insecurity, fear, judgment, laziness, doubt, you name it. How different my life would be if my Father had allowed such petty things to stifle the expression of his love for me!

From The Mouths of Babes

2007-02-05T00:18:00.000-06:00

I love Fridays not only because I have the day off but because my son and I get to spend the whole day together doing all of the fun things we don’t get to do during the work week. Among my favorite activities is taking my little guy to our city’s gigantic wooden castle playground. We generally spend at least an hour, sometimes two climbing up and down the steps of the castles and forts, sliding down the slides, swinging in the swing and generally covering ourselves in dirt and sand….it is awesome. Just this past Friday we made our weekly trip to the park only to discover that this week the playground was unusually packed. We made our trek back to the toddler section and began our usual routine when four boys, about 11 or 12 years old, came tearing into the toddler section running up the steps that my little guy was methodically climbing. I immediately grabbed him moving his tiny little fingers out of the way of the fast feet of the oblivious boys and we moved on to another section as to stay out of their way. A little wary of the rowdy boys, I kept my ears peeled to their conversation so I could ensure that a sudden stampede of racing wouldn’t trample my little guy. In the process I overheard their conversation as they played in the sand. It went a little something like this:

Boy #1 “Hey let’s build forts in the sand!”
Boy #2 “Nah, I wanna build the Giant Wall of China.”
Boy #3 “You dummy, it is the GREAT Wall of China, not the GIANT Wall of China”
(the other boys laugh)
Boy #2 “ Well….it IS giant!”

A few minutes later….

Boy #1 “Hey! Why are you building your city so close to mine?”
Boy #2 “Don’t worry – we aren’t enemies!”
Boy #3 “Hey Parker, what are you building?”
Boy #1 (Parker) “A church”
Boy #3 “Cool! Can I build mine next to yours?”
Boy #1 “Yeah, that is a good idea. We should probably just combine them with a bridge or something.”
Boy #3 “Yeah, churches are always better when they work together.”

How ‘bout that? Four rowdy boys, dressed in fatigues and cowboy boots with plastic rifles, oblivious to the little guys in their pathways yet onto a concept so profound. What a lesson to be learned.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Romans 12:18

Your thoughts?

Places I've Been

2007-02-03T15:52:00.000-06:00

Here is a sampling of some of the places I've been this week; I hope these blogs are as beneficial to you as they were to me.

Be sure to check out this month's installment of the Christian Women Online Magazine with special guest and Christian novelist Robin Lee Hatcher. Love is the theme and I think you'll love it! Click here. This issue also includes a really interesting column by Kim Brenneman called Top Ten Time Theives...check it out!

Check out Jim Martin's blog God Hungry for a number of great posts including 'Marriage and Following Jesus', "When Life is Hard' (2 parts) and "What do you wish church leaders knew about everyday people?'. Be sure to leave him some love!

Make a stop at Curl, Up and Read to welcome brand new blogger Kristi and enjoy a number of excellent posts. Be sure to leave her some love!

Finally, check out Christopher Green's blog Green Pastures for a number of great posts including "Checking Our Balance", "Feed Me Seymor" and my personal favorite (because it is about my son) "Little Friends". Be sure to leave him some love!

Perspective

2007-01-31T12:04:00.000-06:00

A cold front is moving into North Texas and this evening was unusually brisk bordering on cold. As I walked to my car after a late evening meeting I was surprised to see my breath as I exhaled. I marveled at the swirling vapors and as my eyes followed each exhalation my glance moved skyward. My eyes caught the brilliant light above me and I was overcome by the clearness of the night sky. I marveled at the stars and the moon because they were so bright they felt as though they might perhaps be within my reach.

In that moment I remembered a night almost 8 years ago when a group of 7 or 8 friends were night hiking in the mountains of Italy in search of a place to lay down camp for the night. Weary from our journey we decided to take a break, eat some rations and have a short devotional before continuing our search. A good friend, minister and highly talented writer volunteered to lead the devotional and after some songs led us in a moving devotional lovingly walking us through each detail of creation. Lying flat on the ground, my head on my travel pack, staring straight up at a sky not unlike the one I saw tonight, I felt my ears perk up as he reached verse 16 of chapter 1, “God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.”

He paused and read the last part a second time, “He also made the stars.” then a third, “He also made the stars.” We sat in silence drinking in the magnitude of those five simple words. It was several minutes before my friend broke the silence in a whisper, “If the stars you see before you were but an afterthought, how much valuable are we as the culmination of his creation?” Thank you Cliff, for the perspective I needed.

“He also made the stars.”
Genesis 1:16

Your thoughts?

What's Missing Here?

2007-01-26T22:26:00.000-06:00

This afternoon I decided to treat my little guy to his favorite meal: homemade french bread pizza. I pulled out all of the ingredients, lathered on the layers and popped the homemade treat in the oven but when I pulled it out twenty minutes later I realized that something was missing…pizza sauce! I set the toasted cheese bread aside for me to eat and pulled out all the ingredients to remake one to serve to the little guy but when I pulled the loaf out twenty minutes later I realized something was missing…cheese! What is wrong with me?!?!?!

I’m distracted. Not just a little bit but totally, completely, undeniably distracted. Funny thing is, I am not even really sure what I’m distracted by. It has been several weeks since I have consistently written on my blog and several weeks since I’ve had consistent quiet time with my Bible or in prayer. If I look back over the last month, I am sure I could find tons of excuses, but if I am honest with myself, I can’t really see anything that would take up more time than my normal activities over the last year. In fact, I am less busy now than I was this time last year and yet I seem to have less time to get things done.

It occurred to me today that I’m distracted because I’ve allowed myself to be distracted. I have a choice as to what things occupy my time and what things are expendable and yet I have convinced myself that I don’t have enough time or that unimportant things are important. If someone were to measure up my life by the things that I make time for, I’m sorry to say that my life probably wouldn’t amount to much. This week I am going to try and reprioritize my life based on the things that I value rather than the things that ‘fill’. What distracts you?

Misplaced

2007-01-17T22:34:00.000-06:00

For the past seven days, my little guy has had a really bad case of rotavirus. For those of you who are not familiar with the horror that is the highly contagious rotavirus, click here. Obviously, I am exaggerating a bit; however,of the 10 babies in his mother’s day out program, only ONE showed up on Thursday. The rest had contracted the virus.

Anyone close to me knows that I am terrified of throwing up. In fact, it has been 19 years since the last time I had a ‘food reversal’ (sorry if that is TMI). When my husband started showing signs of rotavirus I started to panic. As a result, I’ve been obsessively washing my hands, as well as any surface that either of them has touched. The frenzy with which I’ve attempted to avoid contracting the virus is embarrassing; I can’t honestly say that I’m as passionate about anything else. I wonder how differently my family, or even the world would look if I had half the passion about spreading the gospel as I do about avoiding a stomach bug. Truth hurts. Where is your passion misplaced?

As you go, preach this message: 'The kingdom of heaven is near.'
Matthew 10:7

Your thoughts?

Two Or More

2007-01-15T00:29:00.000-06:00

I recently joined a very well known, world-wide, interdenominational Bible study group that I absolutely love. I’d been on a waiting list to join the group for a short time so when I received the call that one of the discussion groups in my age bracket had an opening, I jumped at the opportunity.

The week before my first visit, I poured over the text and spent a great deal of time considering each and every study question before answering, so that by the time our meeting rolled around I was eager to participate. The group was so kind and welcoming and we had a very lively discussion that was followed by a time of sharing and prayer requests.

We spent about 15 minutes going over each individual woman’s prayer request and as we neared the end I found myself caught up wondering about the logistics of the impending prayer (will we hold hands? Will everyone pray or just one person? Will we go in a circle or in ‘popcorn’ fashion?) so much so that I was startled when suddenly I saw everyone gather their things and head down to the group lecture. I paused, embarrassed for a moment wondering, “Did I miss the prayer!?!”

I gathered my stuff and headed out to meet my friend in an adjacent group and as we walked down the stairs she began to ask me questions about the group and our discussion. I shared all the juicy details of our lively discussion and listened as she told about her group’s discussion and when she asked me what I thought I told her I loved the format but that I thought it kind of strange that my group ‘forgot’ to pray.

She laughed and said, “Yeah, there are two major rules here; you aren’t allowed to tell where you go to church or what denomination you are and you aren’t allowed to pray together because it might give indication as to what denomination you are.”

I couldn’t believe it; the omission was intentional! I have to confess it bothers me to the very core that a group of believers can gather together, discuss God’s word, share personal, intimate details about their lives, ask for prayer requests and then not pray! It is as bothersome to me as a sentence without a period, a song without a resolving note, or a book without the final chapter. The more I think about it the more it bothers me. Why? First because prayer shouldn’t be political! Second because I think we don’t pray enough as it is!

I am not trying to have a 'holier than thou' attitude because if the truth be told, when things get busy in my life, very often prayer is the first thing to go. As much as I can excuse it away, the truth is that you can’t have a relationship with someone you only read about; relationships are interactive. I am not sure where to go from here, in regards to my Bible study group, but I do know someone I need to talk about it with!

"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."
Matthew 18:19-20

Your thoughts?

But.......

2007-01-04T16:46:00.000-06:00

But.

A small word.

Maybe a funny word, if taken out of context.

Most definitely a powerful word.

"That shirt looks great on you, but...."

"Great work today, but..."

"I love you, but...."

Have you ever received a 'but' compliment? I received one just this morning and while I appreciate the effort and know that the person paying the compliment meant well, the 'but' ruined it. To me it felt more like something mean wrapped up in something quasi nice just to make it ok to say the mean.

As Christians we behave like a 'but' (not a butt, although I am sure there are Christians who behave like the latter as well) far too often. I forgive you, but..... I accept you, but..... You are welcome, but.....

Are we really representing Christ's love if our actions come with a 'but'? It is my prayer that I may be generous with my compliments and stingy with my 'buts'.

We loved because he first loved us.
1 John 4:19

Your thoughts?

Blessed Beyond Measure

2006-12-28T02:59:00.000-06:00

In the days following the birth of my son it became apparent that he would not be discharged as quickly as full term babies. As the doctors and nurses assessed the situation, his health, and his development, they all agreed that it would be weeks, if not months, before he would be eligible for discharge. I was heartbroken. Not only would my son not be going home with me when I was discharged, he was being kept in a NICU that was 45 minutes away from our home. I felt desperate and scared at the thought of leaving him and began spending every waking moment by his bedside, talking, singing, and holding his tiny little hand. When my doctor talked of discharge I burst into tears and begged her to keep me longer. Because I had been through major surgery, she approved two additional days. My cousin and her husband came to visit shortly after this; my husband recapped the story to them and told of the mercy that the doctor had for us and our situation. Half an hour later my cousin and her husband returned with the news that they had booked us a weeklong stay at the nearby extended stay hotel, with an open-ended start date so that we could begin our stay as soon as I was discharged. I was stunned to silence at their generosity and floored by their thoughtfulness in our difficult situation. Soon after, my sister heard of my cousin's generosity and called the hotel; she told them that she and her husband would take over the rest of our stay so that we could "live" nearby until the day that he was discharged, however long that would be. Even now I cannot believe how blessed we were by the generosity of our loved ones. Those two beautiful gestures were compounded by the millions of small things my parents did to ease our stress: little things like doing our laundry, picking up food, taking shifts with the baby, and just keeping us company as we tried to remain focused on the task at hand. Looking back, I realize how tremendously blessed we were despite the stress. As I reflect on each day, the feelings of love and the support far outweigh the fear and discouragement we thought we felt.

The memory gives pause for reflection; how am I blessing those in need? What small things can I do to ease their burden or to carry their load? How can I be the hands and feet of God today?

A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.
Proverbs 11:25

Your thoughts?

Not Alone

2006-12-26T00:58:00.000-06:00

We spent three and a half very stressful weeks bunkered down in the NICU. While our situation was taxing, it in no way compared to the experiences of many of the other families in our ward. We were so fortunate that in spite of our son's premature birth and probable lack of oxygen, he did not suffer any permanent damage. Not only was our little man the largest preemie in the ward (5.5 lbs), he was among the few that could breathe without a ventilator, and only had a handful of instances of bradycardia.

Because of the constant threat of heat loss, irregular heart rate, and loneliness, the NICU staff strongly encouraged a practice affectionately termed Kangaroo Care. Kangaroo Care is a form of skin-to-skin contact between a parent and their preterm baby. The baby, wearing only a diaper, is held in an upright position against the parent's bare chest with a blanket, shirt, or robe wrapped around the baby's back. Kangaroo Care has been proven to regulate the baby's heart and breathing rates, help the baby maintain body warmth, and promote natural weight gain.

One evening, as my son and I shared Kangaroo Care during a gavage (tube) feeding, I looked around the NICU at the other "pods". The pod that caught my eye was in the far corner of the room, the only glassed-in pod with a separate ventilating system, reserved for the sickest of babies. Inside the room sat a tiny enclosed incubator where two twin girls, born three months early, were huddled in the corner of one bassinet laying side by side, hands touching. I watched their monitors through the glass for a solid hour as their hearts beat in perfect unison. In the moment I was struck with the realization that God did not create us to be alone, he created us to be a part of each other and of community. Even during creation he acknowledged that it was not good for man to be alone; for that reason woman was created to be man's helper. How fortunate to have a God who recognizes our need for community but more importantly, our need for him.

The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man."
Genesis 2:18;22-23

Your thoughts?

Christmas Day Blessings

2006-12-25T03:02:00.000-06:00

Born nearly two months early, my little man made his appearance in a rush. Taken quickly in an emergency c-section and then whisked away to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, it was nearly 11 hours before I was allowed to see him and two days before I was allowed to touch or hold him. I awoke Christmas morning, aching to hold my little man for the first time. After the long walk from my recovery room to the NICU; I approached the security desk. The nurses greeted me with big smiles, encouraging words, and beautiful gifts: a photo Christmas card of my little man in a stocking and hat, homemade cookies with an encouraging card, and last but not least, a tiny little cashmere puppy dog blanket purchased and donated by parents of a former "graduate" of the NICU. In that moment I was overcome with emotion that was topped only by the tremendous blessing of holding my son for the first time.

Two days ago, my Little Man turned one year old. He is a happy, healthy little boy with an infectious laugh and twinkling eyes. He takes his “lovey” everywhere and falls asleep at night stroking the soft fur of the special blanket. Looking back on that day, I have so many treasured memories: the stolen moment with my son and husband, opening presents with my entire family stuffed in my tiny little hospital room, the visitors, the calls, and of course the generous gift from complete strangers. I’ve thought about that day a lot over the last year and feel compelled to bless others in the same way that we were blessed by the generosity of strangers. Yesterday our little family made a trek out to the NICU where my little man spent the first month of his life to provide gifts for the families in the NICU in a tradition that we intend to make annual. I don’t share this story for a pat on the back but to recognize how truly blessed my family was by a seemingly small gesture. Every day we have the opportunity to bless others with seemingly small things as well: kind words, encouragement, cards, prayers, even a smile. How have you blessed or been blessed this holiday season?

But just as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us—see that you also excel in this grace of giving.
2 Corinthians 8:7

Your thoughts?

Wonderfully Made

2006-12-22T13:01:00.000-06:00

Saturday is the year anniversary of the arrival of our preemie son and as I prepare to celebrate his first birthday I can't help but reflect on the journey we traveled in the months preceding his birth. I first went into labor when I was only four and a half months along, and again four weeks later. For months we tried everything possible to keep him in the womb because we thought that the longer he was in utero the better chance he had of survival. Days before our Little Man's arrival, still 8 weeks before his due date, I began to go into labor for the third time in the pregnancy. I was hospitalized, and despite all medical interventions, it appeared that the doctors would be unable to stop the labor. The gravity of the situation finally hit me when a representative from the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit came down to discuss all of the possible complications and defects that are typically inherent with premature babies. Three days later, my tiny son arrived in a flurry and an emergency c-section.

We later found out that our when the doctor had opened the womb to remove our sweet little boy that she had found the umbilical cord wrapped tightly around his neck and that just two minutes later would have been too late to save his life. Little did we know that our baby boy had been trying to tell us he needed to come out because he was tangled up in the one place we thought he was safest. I can't help but acknowledge that God had a plan for our little man that is and was far better than anything we had planned.

As Little Man begins his second year of life, I find myself excited to know that God already has a plan for this year, and the next, and the next, and the next. He knows the kind of man my little boy will become, he knows what he will do for a living, whom he will marry, how many children he will have and the kind of impact he will have on the world and in the Christian faith.

"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be."
Psalm 139:13-16

Your thoughts?

P.S. Many thanks to all of you who have continually checked my blog for new posts even though I have been MIA. You are loved!

Black Ice

2006-12-13T01:49:00.001-06:00

I had only been legally driving for about 5 months when a really bad ice storm hit the Dallas Metroplex. My dad tried to warn me about the dangers of driving in icy conditions and about the danger of ‘black ice’ but in my cocky 16 year old brain I was annoyed that he even tried to warn me. I had been driving without incident for about 25 minutes when I turned onto a backstreet to head to my friend’s house and I had my first encounter with black ice. I felt the first shake of the sliding tires and waited for the car to correct itself when I realized I was heading into the lane next to me, which was occupied by another car just ahead of me. I panicked and jerked the wheel to the right which of course set my car spinning, I tried to correct my mistake but the more effort I made, the more the car did the exact opposite of what I wanted. Despite every effort to travel down the straight narrow lanes of the road, the car did everything I didn’t want it to do. In panic I finally let go of the wheel and let the car continue to spin until I came to a stop, two lanes over, facing the wrong direction. Fortunately the only other car on the road had since left and I was alone long enough to take a deep breath, turn the car around and proceed with newfound caution.

I can’t count the number of times my spiritual life has been like those terrifying moments on black ice. Despite every effort to walk in the path that God wants me to travel I find myself doing the exact opposite of what I want to do and regardless of the feeble-minded efforts my human spirit makes I realize that I can do nothing until I release control and allow God to direct my path.

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
Romans 7:18-20

Your thoughts?

Opportunity Knocks

2006-12-07T00:01:00.000-06:00

A couple of nights ago, my mom and I took my son to the city's annual tree-lighting ceremony so that we could get a picture of my little guy with Santa Claus in his vintage sleigh. Although we arrived nearly 30 minutes before the pictures were scheduled to begin, the line for Santa was already wrapped around the side of the building. I snagged a spot in line and my mom took off with my son to go see the live reindeer. I settled in for the long-haul waiting and people watching. Several minutes went by as I observed quietly from my perch at the end of the line when the man in front of me made a comment about my son. I politely replied and returned to my people watching. A few minutes went by and the man made a comment about the weather and then asked me a question. I replied, and then returned to my people watching. Another comment, another reply and I started getting annoyed thinking, 'Great, this guy is going to talk my ear off for the next 45 minutes." I stood there annoyed, but politely engaging in the conversation and it wasn't until I got home that evening that it hit me like a ton of bricks; here was this guy reaching out to me, desperately trying to connect when I should be the one reaching out to him. He had naturally and easily opened the door for me to share my life and my faith with him and not only had I not recognized the opportunity, I was annoyed by the 'disturbance'. I think working in ministry has somewhat dulled me to the evangelism opportunities all around me because 95% of the time I am surrounded by people from my church. Something I once did so naturally and easily had suddenly become foreign to me. I praise God that he opened my eyes to the opportunity and pray that he continues to bring me opportunities to share my faith. May I not be so thick-skulled next time.

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"
Romans 10:14-15

Your thoughts?

The Book Of Love

2006-12-04T01:08:00.000-06:00

My freshman year in college I began writing in a journal that those close to me have come to know as ‘The Book of Love’. Over the years more than fifty people have contributed to my book, people from all over the world and in several different languages sharing long lists of the things they love. When I first started the book I made it a personal habit to contribute a new entry every year and then take the time to read back over all of the entries but as life has become really hectic I’ve somehow let six years go by without doing either.

Just last week as I began pulling down all of my Christmas decorations for the year, I stumbled upon the Book of Love. Sitting on the floor of my freezing cold attic, I opened the first dusty page and began reading. An hour later, snuggled up in an easy chair in front of the living room fire I continued pouring over each entry, my heart warming with each page.

Writing down the things you love is an interesting exercise, one that takes consideration. For some it creates warm fuzzies, for others it creates an opportunity to reprioritize but by sharing your entry publicly you have the opportunity to bless others. I’ve included my latest entry at the bottom of this post but before you read it, I’d be honored if you would consider writing your own entry as a comment on this blog. Begin by writing your first name, your age, and the state where you live (if you are comfortable) then fill as much space as you desire describing everything you love. The exercise works much better if you do not read other’s entries until after you have written your own.

Meagan, 27 years old, Texas

I love this book and the memories it holds for me. I love looking back over the years and seeing the paths God has brought me down. I love grace, forgiveness, second chances and fresh starts. I love perspective and knowing a little bit of it can change anything and everything. I love learning new lessons and knowing that I don’t HAVE to make the same mistake twice. I love that each day is fresh, with no mistakes in it yet and that if I am going to make a mistake I can choose to make a NEW mistake. I love being a mom and the front row view of a young boy’s discoveries that it affords me. I love waking up, walking into my son’s room and seeing the beautiful smile that lights up his face when he sees me. I love soft, curly, baby-scented locks of hair and the smell of baby skin right after a bath. I love fat little feet, pudgy dimpled hands, toothless grins and drool covered chins. I love giggles and smiles, snuggles and tickles, even wails and screams. I love ‘watching the wheels turn’ as my son explores, tests, and learns about our great big world. I love being a parent and finally understanding the magnitude of God’s love for his son and what the sacrifice of that son really meant. I love the way becoming a parent has strengthened my relationship with my parents and increased my respect for them ten-fold. I love being on the front side of beginning our little family and daydreaming about our future children. I love talking and praying about our hopes, dreams, and the wonderful things God has in store for our family. I love being a part of a church body and the accountability and opportunity it provides for meaningful relationships with other Christians. I love having Christian friends who are warm and friendly and who truly embody the spirit of Christ. I love knowing those friends would not only welcome newcomers and nonbelievers but would love them and embrace them. I love the opportunity to share my story and the fact that God trusts us enough to allow us to share the greatest story ever told. I love knowing that even though I’ve tried to create a list of the things that I love that the love I have in my heart for God and the blessings he has given me is too immeasurable to be contained in a book.

Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:8

What do you love?

Places I've Been

2006-12-02T00:21:00.000-06:00

Here is a sampling of some of the places I've been this week; I hope these blogs are as beneficial to you as they were to me.

Check out this post by Jim Martin entitled, "The One You Can Count On" about some of the disappointments we all experience during the holiday season.

Check out this month's edition of the Christian Women Online Magazine.

Check out "A Frugal Christmas" by financial guru, Dave Ramsey, about not allowing Christmas to send you into debt along with helpful suggestions for inexpensive gifting. I don't know about you but I definitely needed the reminder!

Where have you been?

Wag More, Bark Less

2006-11-30T00:03:00.000-06:00

My senior year of high school, our school president decided it would be a good idea for all high school students to spend a portion of their senior year doing service hours for the community. Many students volunteered to help out with paperwork in the front office or clean up trash around the campus but I got permission to volunteer at the nearby retirement home.

At first I really enjoyed the work because I started out in the assisted living division delivering packages, magazines, and mail but after some time my supervisor moved me to the nursing home division so that I could be a wing 'companion'. At first I just made door-to-door visits replenishing water cups and ice chips but as I became a more 'permanent' face on the floor the residents began to trust me and even confide in me thus moving me into the 'companion' role. Most of the time I really enjoyed making my rounds and spent many an hour laughing, singing, listening, playing chicken foot, and just being a much needed friend to some very lonely people, but more often that not I left the nursing home emotionally and physically exhausted because of the negativity I channeled by being a listening ear. Don't get me wrong, I love the opportunity to learn from other's experiences but those opportunities were actually pretty rare because most of the listening involved complaints about the staff or accommodations, venting about family members, or just really detailed accounts regarding health problems or the aging process. There was, however, one woman in particular that made every day spent in the nursing home a complete joy. Eunice was an 84-year-old diabetic woman who had recently had both of her legs removed and was by far the most energetic, optimistic person I have ever encountered who, despite great personal set backs from her health and age, never let the obstacles influence her attitude. She was a joy in my life and a dear friend who was fond of saying, "Wag more, bark less." I'll never forget the day I came to visit on my day off and found her room empty. I sought out the floor nurse to inquire about my friend and the look on the nurse's face made my heart sank as I realized the news she was trying to break to me. I cried the whole way home and resolved never to return thinking I couldn't handle the heartache of developing friendships only to lose them unexpectedly. As I thought about Eunice's life and the credo that she lived by every day I realized by not returning I would miss the opportunity to develop the kind of relationship I had with Eunice.

I've been doing a lot of complaining for the past few weeks because of stress, health, finances, and every other thing that has stolen my joy. As I sat at the family Thanksgiving table this weekend I was struck by the blessing of having all of my family sitting at one table together, relatively healthy, and in good spirits. In that moment I was reminded of Eunice and the way that she found the good in every situation and I realized how much I've been 'barking' and how little I've been 'wagging'. Thank you, Eunice, for your words of wisdom and the much needed reminder to rejoice in all circumstances.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Your thoughts?

Nodding And Bobbing

2006-11-29T00:32:00.000-06:00

Most people around me know that I don't get much sleep. It isn't that I don't require it, I do; it is just that when I am stressed or depressed, sleep is the first thing to go. For the past few weeks I've been running on about 3 - 4 hours of sleep a night, tops. The Saturday before last however I managed a full 9 hours of sleep in a row; not even the baby woke me from my sound sleep. The funny thing is that I got so much sleep that night that my body didn't want to stop sleeping when the alarm went off early Sunday morning. I was literally dragging myself around all morning and when I finally sat down for worship on the second row, it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. I am pretty sure my inability to stay awake had little to do with the worship service or the content of the sermon but I was fighting my eyelids the entire hour and a half and that was with a squirmy baby in my lap.

I am sure my nodding off looked comical (although I doubt our preacher thought so) but the really funny thing is that when you are nodding off like that, you don't realize how obvious it is. In many ways, nodding off feels like you are just groggy but still awake, when in actuality you are so groggy that you don't even notice your own nodding and bobbing because as your body is slowly falling asleep so are your sensors.

I've really felt like I've been holding things together for the past few weeks but just the other day, when my best friend was visiting, she sought out my antidepressants and begged me to start taking them again. In that moment I realized I didn't have things together like I thought and that I was nodding and bobbing but not noticing it because my sensors were dulled.

Our spiritual lives can be like that too sometimes, can't they? We can be so mentally, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted that we don't even realize ourselves drifting away? How do you stay alert?

Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Simon," he said to Peter, "are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

Mark 14:36-38

Your thoughts?

Traditions and Legacies

2006-11-28T01:12:00.000-06:00

"God has delivered us, He has parted waters for us, He has made water gush forth from rocks and sent us our own manna from heaven. He has brought us into our own Promised Land. Will I miss the opportunity to tell the story to our children?"
~ Ann Voskamp, Holy Experience ~

As the holidays approach, I’ve found myself thinking a lot about legacies and traditions. My husband and I are at a really fun stage of holiday planning because our son is young enough that he doesn’t have any expectations and because we haven’t been married long enough or lived in one place long enough to have established a holiday routine. I see nothing but opportunity before me; the opportunity to create what will become our beloved family traditions, the opportunity to intentionally shape the experiences that will ultimately shape my son, and the opportunity to infuse God in every part of our plans. While I know that my son’s spiritual development will most likely not be shaped by the one or two religious holidays in a year, I love the chance to be proactive in my planning instead of reactive and am grateful for the chance to intentionally plan these important landmarks. What holiday traditions most influenced who you are today and how did your family infuse God into your traditions?

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.
Deuteronomy 6:6-8

Your thoughts?

Swap

2006-11-21T14:58:00.000-06:00

Growing up, my sister and I were very fortunate to live in a neighborhood brimming with other children our age. Among the many, there were two sisters we loved to play with more than all the others, not only because they lived just down the street from us, but because we were all very close in age (6, 5, 4, and 3). I remember many a Sunday when the four of us would run to our mothers and beg for them to allow us to ‘swap’ sisters for the day, each pair of girls going to a different house.

As the younger of the two in our swap, I was often instructed as to what role I would play in our pretend sessions and I was very often given the role of dad or husband, neither of which I wanted to play. We would almost always argue, I would pout in protest, and then she would threaten to go home if I didn’t do it her way. Eventually one of two things would happen; I would succumb to the threat and play the role I abhorred so that I wouldn’t have to spend the afternoon alone or my mom would intervene and distract us with a game or challenge.

In just the few short years I’ve been in ministry I’ve had the misfortune of seeing many individuals, couples, and families “pack up their dollies and go home” because they didn’t agree with something being done in the church. The really sad part is that most of the time the issues at hand aren’t based on anything theological but based solely on preferences, tradition, or even really petty things like carpet color or bulletin design. I heard a song this afternoon that made me think back to some of these instances I’ve witnessed and at first it made me laugh but as I listened to it the second and third time, it really made me sad.

It was there in the bulletin
We're leaving soon
After the bake sale to raise funds for fuel
The rocket is ready and we're going to
Take our church to the moon

There'll be no one there to tell us we're odd
No one to change our opinions of God
Just lots of rocks and this dusty sod
Here at our church on the moon

We know our liberties we know our rights
We know how to fight a very good fight
Just get that last bag there and turn out the light
We're taking our church to the moon
We're taking our church to the moon
We'll be leaving soon

To the Moon
by Sara Groves

The church I currently attend is 151 years old and holds the distinction of being the oldest church in the city of Dallas. As the neighborhood surrounding our church has continued to grow and change in the last several years, many of our sister churches have made the decision to move in favor of a more desirable or popular location or to close their doors all together. In the wake of our most recent anniversary the leadership of our church took a moment to step back and take a hard look at the effectiveness of our current location verses the potential effectiveness of a new location and made the brave decision to stay in our current location but to make a conscious effort to grow in such a way that will help us become relevant and effective in our immediate community.

Many churches today faced with a dilemma similar to the one our fellowship is facing often have trouble deciding whether or not to pack up and move to a new location or stay in their current location and change the way they do ministry. While many thrive from the challenge, many others become irrelevant in the new situation and therefore slowly ‘die’ off until there is no one left. The decision our leadership made was by no means an easy decision and there will undoubtedly be significant growing pains as we try to become more Christ-like and make the changes necessary to be effective and relevant in a neighborhood full of faces that look nothing like the faces on the inside our auditorium but I think the decision is the right decision. Please keep our fellowship in your prayers as we venture to allow God to use us for his work.

We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ.
1 John 1:3

Your thoughts?

The Cold

2006-11-16T02:12:00.000-06:00

Texas is known for many, many things including unpredictable weather. It is November and yet the past week our highs have been in the upper 70’s low 80’s, definitely not characteristic of mid-November weather. This morning however I woke to the sound of hard, violent rain and gusting winds and when I checked my trusty thermostat I was surprised at how cold it was outside. It wasn’t until after dark that I ventured outside for the first time so that I could gas up my car and avoid the morning rush. As I stood at the pump, the first gust of wind began to blow and I shivered at the harshness of it but thought to myself that it was tolerable and hunkered down in my sweatshirt. As I stood there waiting I noticed that the wind was blowing harder and harder and as the chill searched for my bones I began to beg the pump to go faster. I topped off my tank, tore off my receipt, rushed back to the warmth of my car and slammed the door shut on the cold. It took about 5 seconds for the chill to wear off and then I began to notice that my entire body was bracing against the cold, even though the cold was no longer there. I took a deep breath as each muscle slowly relaxed and my posture began to straighten. It didn’t happen all at once, in fact, I was still very much hunched into the self-protecting ball my body had made as I drove away but even without the winds blowing my body was still wary of the pain.

Things have been pretty uncomfortable in my life for the past week and a half and as I approach day 8 of being a ‘single mom’, not being able to see my husband because of his treatment and week two of some pretty tough work stuff I am finding myself ‘bracing from the cold’. Today was a work from home day, something I typically really enjoy because my work is peppered with giggles, smiles and snuggles from my little boy but I have to confess that stress kept me from enjoying the day or my time with my son. As I reflect back on my day I am struck less by the stress that I felt and more by the fact that I allowed it to affect me the way that it did, that I allowed it to diminish the blessings of the day even after the work day was finished. I allowed my pain to become something else, something worse, something outside of me that affected someone else’s day…my son’s.

I think too often we allow our own circumstances to both dictate and excuse bad behavior. If I am really called to live a Christ-like life I have to live that life in whatever circumstances I am placed.

I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Ephesians 4:1-2

Your thoughts?

The Culture Of Dump

2006-11-14T01:56:00.000-06:00

I don't remember how old I was the first time I went to the city dump; I just know I've probably been back hundreds of times in my short 27 years. When I was a child, my dad was a roofer and a trip to the dump was a daily occurrence if not more often. Despite the questionable smell that emanated from the dump, I always enjoyed our trips there because I got to ride in my dad's big red dump truck and because he would let me pull the lever that would make the bed rise and dump all of the shingles into the massive pile of waste. As a teenager it was even more fun because he let me drive that enormous truck and we would get a big kick out of all the strange looks received from fellow drivers.

I would imagine most people don't ever give pause to think about the dump until they do a remodel or are involved in tree trimming. I would also venture to guess that most people, unless they live right by one, have no idea where their nearest dump is located. If you think about it, it really isn't that surprising because we live in a 'dump culture'. A dump culture, if you will, is one in which no thought is given to the waste we dispose of every day. I'm not just talking about physical waste but emotional waste as well. One of the most common forms of emotional dumping I have ever seen is the anxiety dump.

A few months ago, a well-known man in the church approached me just before service started and began questioning my methodology for something I was doing. The more he spoke, the more abrasive he became, until finally I felt like he was just asking me questions to test my knowledge and somehow try to trick me. It was annoying and embarrassing because he did all of this in front of an audience of three people. After he left I was in such a foul mood that when my husband returned from changing my son's diaper he asked me what was wrong and I launched into the story in great detail and dramatics and was cut short by the beginning of our service. Just telling my husband about what happened made me feel worlds better and by the time service was over I was completely over the moment and had moved on but little did I know that my 'anxiety dump' was brewing something fierce in my husband. It wasn't until after church that I looked up to see my husband beelining across the room in true 'man on a mission' fashion that I turned to my mom and said, "What is Travis doing?" I followed the site line for his path and realized he was headed straight for the man who had spoken to me before church. I immediately rushed over to my husband and said, "What do you think you are doing?" he replied, "I am gonna give him a piece of my mind! No one talks to my wife like that and I am going to make sure he never does it again!" I grabbed the hand of my shaking husband and pulled him aside; thanking him for wanting to come to my rescue but explaining to him that what I had done to him (anxiety dump) was unfair and uncalled for.

We are all guilty of the anxiety dump at one time or another because we care not what happens to the person on the receiving end and are more concerned with alleviating our own fears or uncomfortable moments. I get a lot of anxiety dumped on me in this business and it used to really eat away at my happiness, still does sometimes, but I am fortunate to be in the presence of several great men who have mastered the art of the anxiety 'block' and who point the anxiety back its rightful owner instead of taking it on their own shoulders. It is not to say that a person can't be compassionate or listen to the problems of someone dealing with a great deal of anxiety, it just means that the person on the receiving end must learn not to take ownership of misplaced anxiety. May it be so in my life.

An anxious heart weighs a man down,
but a kind word cheers him up.
Proverbs 12:25

Your thoughts?

One Step At A Time

2006-11-13T02:14:00.000-06:00

I am, by nature, a pretty fast-paced person. I walk fast, I talk fast, I make quick decisions and I like to think on my feet. For the most part, being ‘fast’ has served me well but there have been many times when I have paid the price for speaking too quickly, making a rash decision or jumping into something without all of the information. There have only been a handful of times in my life when I’ve had to slow myself down or have been physically slowed down by an illness or other circumstance. Lately however, there is a part of my life that has slowed to a tortoise-like speed…walking. My little guy has been walking for several weeks now and absolutely hates being carried anywhere anymore. I’ve found that I have to allow extra time wherever I go because I have to factor in the amount of time it will take the two of us to walk from place to place. As a fast-paced person, I confess I easily get annoyed at having to wait but what I’ve noticed in the weeks that my son and I have slowed down to walk (or totter) hand in hand have been some of the most enjoyable weeks of my life. It is amazing the things you see when you take life one step at a time; I highly recommend a stroll with a 10-month old if you get the chance, you never know what flower, bug, leaf, stick, piece of paper or ball of lint you might find in your path.

O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory above the heavens.
From the lips of children and infants
you have ordained praise.
Psalm 8:1-2

Your thoughts?

Places I've Been

2006-11-10T00:30:00.000-06:00

In case you can't tell, it has been an unusually stressful week for me. Although I haven't been very diligent about writing, I have been reading quite a few of my fellow blogger's writings. Here is a sampling of some of the places I've been this week; I hope these blogs are as beneficial to you as they were to me.

This month's edition of Christian Women Online is up and is fantastic as usual. Be sure to check out the interview on Darlene Zschech.

Christian Women Online is hosting their Sweet Scent Blog Awards and is soliciting help nominating award winning blogs. There are over 650 contributors on the CWO blog ring and I for one have thoroughly enjoyed reading through the ring and nominating writers. Happy reading!

Take a moment to check out my mom's blog Accentuate The Positive for a great 3-part series on potential.

We may not be experiencing fall-like weather but our family is definitely getting ready for some holiday cheer. Check out Diary of a SAHM for some Mr. Linkys on Holiday Traditions and be sure to leave some of your own.

Where have you been? I'll be back on Monday.

The Change

2006-11-09T00:13:00.000-06:00

For about the past month and a half my husband’s health has been declining. Because the decline has been gradual it hasn’t been nearly as noticeable to me as it has to those around me. Looking back I can’t believe the changes he has undergone because they’ve happened in such small increments. When he announced to me that he had lost almost 30 lbs in the past weeks despite eating enough food for two or three people I was shocked to the point of disbelief. I mean I’ve noticed that his clothes were fitting differently and that his face was looking thinner and his eyes more prominent but it wasn’t until people at church began asking me if everything was ok that I really began to notice how much he had changed.

No worries, nothing too serious, just a thyroid disorder and since the thyroid affects just about everything he has a lot of symptoms. The most amazing part of this experience has been how many people have shown concern for us. Most have assumed that were having troubles at home (Graves disease causes the eyes to bulge and water constantly so my husband always looks like he has been crying) so it has been a really positive experience to know that so many have the courage to step out on our friendship and ask such personal questions about our relationship. Praise God for friends and believers who care more about us as a couple than the awkwardness of confrontation.

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart,
and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.
Proverbs 27:9

Thoughts?

Growth Spurt

2006-11-07T00:26:00.000-06:00

My son has never been much of sleeper; sleeping is inconsistent and ineffective at best. Early on we discovered that he would sleep longer if held or if someone slept with him and although we were tempted to let him co-sleep we decided that it was best for him to learn to sleep on his own and save the snuggle time for naps and church. Lately, however, he has been sleeping non-stop, sometimes even falling asleep while sitting up! Yesterday when he took four two-hour naps after having slept 10 hours the night before, I began to get worried. I talked to his pediatrician who assured me that everything was fine, "Babies grow when they are sleeping so if he hasn't had a growth spurt in a while he might just be working on a big one" she assured me.

What a concept. I've always thought of spiritual growth as a time when I am trying new things, stepping out of my comfort zone, or seeking to learn more about God but never as a time of rest. God found rest so vital that he not only took a day to rest himself but implemented a day of rest for the Jews. I wonder how much I would grow if I took the time to rest in God?

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust".
Psalm 91:1-2

Your thoughts?

Tips

2006-11-06T00:21:00.000-06:00

In the 15 years that I have been a part of the work force I have had a number of different jobs both in and outside of ministry (in no particular order); babysitter, carpool driver, office assistant, 911 dispatcher, waitress, bartender, hostess, telephone operator, companion, check processor, box office agent, campus ministry intern, office manager, house sitter, cook, and last but not least technology minister.

In the three years that I spent working in the food industry I met my fair share of interesting people from all walks of life. As a general rule, restaurants can legally pay waiters and waitresses less than half of minimum wage with the expectation that patrons will make up the difference in the amount of tip they provide their server. For the most part, that concept was fulfilled every day with occasional surprises like the $20, $50 or $100 tip but more often than not there was the penny, stick of gum, or religious tract tip. In my experience, those types of tips usually came from one of two types of people: a group of teens on a Friday night or a group of Christians fresh out of church on a Sunday afternoon. The first time I received the religious tract tip after working a 16-top table for two hours on a Sunday, my only table by the way, I was shocked. But Sunday after Sunday I was increasingly surprised at how demanding many Christians were and then how unwilling they were to compensate me for my service. Even as recently as a few Sundays ago I went out to eat with a group of people from church and overheard a man at my table say to his wife, “Ten percent? No way, she only refilled my drink three times.”

Many times ministry is a lot like the service industry because church members often feel ownership towards the staff members because they “pay their salary”. But the concept is not unique to members; often fellow Christians or even co-workers treat church workers differently than they would a co-worker in the corporate world because 1) they are constantly in the spotlight and likely under a tremendous amount of pressure 2) they can get away with behaving badly because churches don’t operate under the same laws that ensure appropriate behavior in the corporate world and 3) because stakes are eternal and therefore allowances are made for the greater good. The whole thing bothers me tremendously because as Christians I believe we are called to a higher standard of consideration and care, regardless of the pressures or stakes.

I am by no means perfect; I can think of many times when I’ve had to put myself or my attitude in check because of bad behavior. Likewise I have to remind myself that people who fall into the above category most likely do not intend to do harm or cause discord and may even be completely unaware of the way they are behaving. That person is my brother/sister and needs to be loved with the love of Christ just as much as the rest of us.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
Galatians 6:9-10

Your thoughts?

Half Dome

2006-11-03T00:38:00.000-06:00

Many years ago I was invited to attend a friend’s family reunion in the beautiful valley of Yosemite National Park in northern California. I look back on that trip with fond memories not just because of the beautiful creation I was allowed to enjoy but because of the familial fellowship I witnessed. At one point during the week long camping trip I was invited to hike the 17 mile trail to the top of Half Dome. If you’ve never had the privilege of seeing the magnificent beauty that is Half Dome, then you are missing out. Standing tall at an elevation of 8,842 feet, this magnanimous granite rock is one of the most beautiful and most recognized formations in the world.

The morning of the climb we woke at 4:00 am to begin the day-long hike; it was at that point that I realized I was by no means prepared for what the dome had in store for me. I felt ill as I watched fellow hikers pack the supplies necessary for the grueling hike; water purifying pills, energy bars, socks, mole skin, toilet paper, sunscreen, bug repellant, canteen, flashlights, jackets, etc. An hour into the hike I was already hurting as every muscle burned from the first mile of rock stairs that we climbed without stopping. I was floored when I found out it was the first of 12 hours that we would be hiking during the day and quickly realized that I was going to have to pace myself if I was ever going to make the final mile of cable climbing to the top of the dome. By noon my whole body was shaking and the blisters on my feet were bleeding from the tension but after I refueled my body with much needed food and water I pressed on toward the goal, pushing through the pain. Hours later when we reached the base of the dome and prepared for the most grueling and dangerous part of the climb, the cables, I began to rethink my commitment. But after a quick rest and pep talk I rejoined the group and completed the last mile of the hike to finally arrive at the top of one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had.

Looking back I know I would have regretted a decision to forgo the last mile and am so glad that I pushed through the pain and fear that resulted in a view and sense of accomplishment that I will never forget.

Right now I am dealing with a ‘half dome’ of the home-grown kind. Because I work in technology, the majority of the work that I do doesn’t produce any visible fruit. In fact, most people (co-workers included) don’t even know what I do until something goes wrong. In the recent months my job responsibility has grown and continues to grow exponentially and everyone has a different idea of what is most important and what takes priority and as a result I am really starting to feel the pain of the climb. Unfortunately, in this case, there is no visible end in site and the pressure is really starting to kick me in the teeth. I am keenly aware that I have two choices; I can push through the pain and make the most of the abilities God has given me or I can turn back and head home. My natural inclination is to give up but if I learned anything from my day of hiking Half Dome is that the pain is necessary to reach the next level. Your prayers are coveted as my knees are weak, my feet are covered in blisters, and the air keeps getting thinner.

We rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Romans 5:2-5

Your thoughts?

Uncommon

2006-11-02T00:10:00.000-06:00

The other day my brother sent me this really interesting series of pictures and the accompanying story (don’t stop reading).

“In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth. The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve. After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different species but the only "orphans" that could be found quickly, were a litter of wiener pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger. Would they become cubs or pork chops?

Take a look ...”

Ever the skeptic I immediately went to my trusty snopes.com to find out the validity of the entire thing and was surprised to find out the pictures were not only real, the story only had minor inaccuracies.

I am drawn to the pictures because they are so unusual and yet conceptually they really shouldn’t be ... isn’t this what we, as Christians, are called to do every single day? To reach out to the motherless, the friendless, the hopeless and draw them into the fold of Christ?

"When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way,
You command the attention of the world"

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Your thoughts?

Believe It Or Not

2006-11-01T12:41:00.000-06:00

I know you’ve heard it before, “Wow, you really look tired today! Is everything ok?” or “Whoa, did the baby keep you up last night? Don’t fall asleep on us now!” or “Are you feeling ok? You don’t look so good.” I remember a morning a few months ago, when a friend and co-worker popped his head in my office to say good morning just moments after I had heard many of the above mentioned comments. He smiled when he saw me and said something the effect of, “I just have to tell you that I think it is so great that you feel comfortable enough to come to work without makeup on, with your hair pulled back au natural. That is so cool that you are comfortable in your skin.” He smiled again as he turned to leave but I frowned. What should have been a taken as a compliment came across as something else because I’d already heard from others how dreadful I was looking despite the fact that I WAS wearing makeup and had gone to great lengths to fix my hair that morning. I’d love to say that I was able to laugh it off and not let it bother me but the truth is that it bothered me for days, so much so that I actually found myself getting up earlier to make sure that no one else accused me of being sleep-deprived or au natural again.

I’d love to say that I don’t feel pressured to look a ‘certain way’ but it would be a lie. I may not always accomplish the look I’m going for but I am definitely concerned about my appearance. As a woman I feel and have always felt the pressures; the pressure to be thin, tall, beautiful, have flawless skin, have a sparkling personality, endless knowledge, dress sharply with perfect accessories all while balancing a ‘career’, keeping an immaculate home and raising a perfect child. It’s funny, no really, it’s funny because deep down inside I actually want to believe it is possible, but if I’m honest with myself I have to realize that not only are those standards ungodly, they are unrealistic and full of the lies society and Satan are trying to deceive me with. Just the other day I saw this video that my good friend sent me via email and this website * that shows before/after photos of retouched photos and was instantly reminded of this article about Jami Lee Curtis and suddenly felt compelled to repent. Why? Because I not only believe the lies that I see every day, I foolishly aspire to live them in my own life.

I’m sure you’ve heard me say before that I am an aspiring Proverbs 31 wife and this week I had to remind myself of that and the standards that God expects me to live up to. May God forgive me for settling for something less. What lies do you believe?

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
1 Peter 3:3-4

Your thoughts?

*contains some suggestive photos

Lessons I've Learned From First Steps

2006-10-31T00:46:00.000-06:00

1. Balance comes before walking.

2. Keep your eye on the goal, not on the ground.

3. Your body will follow whichever way your head is turned.

4. Flapping your arms makes you feel like you are going fast but it really just makes you tired.

5. Lots of tiny steps can get you just as far as a few big ones.

6. It doesn't matter how many times you fall - just how many times you get up.

7. When all else fails - crawl.

It is amazing the lessons you can learn from the little things in life when you look through a God-lens. What lessons can you learn from the ordinary?

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

Colossians 3:2

Your thoughts?

Joyful

2006-10-30T06:00:00.000-06:00

My favorite part of any given Sunday is the moment I am given the privilege of witnessing a person putting on the Lord in Baptism. My eyes begin to tear up the moment they walk down the stairs and I am completely choked up by the time they confess Christ as their Savior.

At the church I currently attend, the baptistry is on the second story of the auditorium and broadcast via video to the congregation sitting on the first floor of the auditorium. It is by no means an ideal situation, but there is one positive aspect to witnessing the baptism via video feed, a very up-close and personal view of the baptism. Our video feed days are numbered as we just began a capital campaign that will fund renovations on our facilities to include moving the baptistry to the lower level. I find myself anticipating the change with mixed emotions, and can’t help but think back to one of the sweetest moments I’ve ever witnessed in a baptistry.

It couldn’t have been more than a year ago when two young twin girls decided they were both ready to be baptized by their father. It was an emotionally charged moment and the father choked back tears as he took his first daughter’s confession, baptized her and then wrapped his big arms around her in a great big hug. As the second daughter began her descent into the baptistry the first daughter turned to walk away but instead stretched her arms out in front of her and in a moment of pure joy dove face first into the water, coming up for air then slowly and gracefully swimming and twirling all the way back to the stairs. The auditorium burst forth in a mixture of laughter and tears at the innocent joy we were permitted to witness; to this day it is still talked about as one of the sweetest moments ever witnessed. I both laugh and choke up when I think back to that day because the joy displayed by that little girl is the joy we should all feel in the face of the all-encompassing healing power of Christ.

So many times as Christians we stifle our joy, instead favoring politeness and socially appropriate behavior. We judge or frown upon others for clapping, kneeling, singing alone, raising their hands in praise, or even closing their eyes. When the disciples cried out in praise to God during the Triumphal Entry, the Pharisees were outraged and demanded that Jesus rebuke them and how did he reply? “You’re right, they are kind of loud and we certainly don’t want to disturb anyone.” Yeah right! He said, “I tell you, if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out!”

A while back I bought my son a set of videos designed to be a Christian version of the Baby Einstein videos called Praise Baby. I love the videos because they combine praise and worship songs with colorful animation and real world objects that stimulate my little guy’s mind in tactile, cognitive, social, emotional and most importantly spiritual ways. I love watching the videos with him and often find myself singing the songs throughout the day. Just yesterday, I was walking down the hallway and caught myself singing one of the songs from earlier that morning...

I was made to praise you
I was made to love
I was born to worship
The Father, the Son, the Spirit above
Made in Your image and wrapped in Your love

How true.

All you have made will praise you, O LORD;
your saints will extol you.
Psalm 145:10

Your thoughts?

The Compromise

2006-10-27T12:01:00.000-05:00

For my five year wedding anniversary my sweet husband took me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant, The Melting Pot, for a long leisurely evening of eating, snuggling and talking in a private booth, just the two of us. Admittedly, during our first year of marriage I probably would have scoffed at the romantic nature of something so simple, but as life has become busy and chaotic, I find just having his undivided attention both extremely satisfying and incredibly romantic.

I love the Melting Pot, or any fondue restaurant for that matter, because there is something so fun and intimate about cooking your food at your table. We had a wonderful waiter who made great recommendations and was very friendly. Towards the end of the evening, as he was setting up our dessert tray, he asked us what we were celebrating and when we told him we were celebrating five years of marriage he went on and on about what an accomplishment it was and how amazing it was and commented on what a "long time it was". As he walked away my husband and I looked at each other with puzzled looks on our faces, "Is he for real?" my husband asked, "Five years is long term? That is sad."

I’ve been thinking back to that conversation for a couple of months now pausing mostly on the little things that help make a marriage work. Sidestepping what I think are the real and obvious reasons (as covered in the previous 3 posts) I’d like to focus on the little compromises that keep marriage pleasant, exciting and interesting.

Generally speaking, my husband and I are really well suited for each other; our gifts compliment each other’s gifts, our strengths and weaknesses play off of each other (in a good way), and we are generally interested in all of the same things. There is however, one area where we completely disagree in all aspects; Christmas. I was raised in a ‘celebrate Christmas morning’ household while he was raised in a ‘celebrate Christmas Eve’ household and the disagreements only begin there. One of the bigger issues so far has been the Christmas tree because we both have very different ideas on how the tree should look and neither of was willing to compromise. Fortunately, we were given a beautiful hand-me-down tree from a co-worker whose family had outgrown it and as a result we implemented the ‘two-tree Christmas’ tradition in our household. Starting last Christmas we began decorating two trees; one large tree full of beautiful delicate glass ornaments, bright twinkly white lights and oversized velvet bows in the main room of our house and a smaller, more rustic tree with whimsical handmade ornaments, candy-canes and big old-fashioned multicolored bulbs in the den of our house. Frivolous you say? Necessary, I reply. You can’t begin to imagine the stress the ‘two-tree’ system has taken off of our household and the ways in which it has encouraged us to both continue our family traditions and begin our own family traditions.

It is my hope that as we approach the next five years that we attempt to do so with a little patience, compromise and a sense of adventure. How do you keep things interesting?

Secrets (Part Three)

2006-10-26T10:34:00.000-05:00

The third secret that my dear sweet friend shared with me was this, “You will never fully understand your spouse.” He winked as he continued, “ I have been married more years than not and to this day I still don’t understand what her fascination is with shopping but I always go with her and help her pick things out and spend that time supporting her, even though I don’t understand it. I make the choice to be happy because she is happy and because of that I don’t have to understand her, I just get to enjoy her.”

This past week my husband and I both had two consecutive days off at the same time, something that happens very rarely because of his schedule at the fire station. We probably could have taken a trip out of town or done something outside of our normal scope of activities but instead we decided to fill the weekend with things we love to do as a family. Friday we slept late, made a big breakfast, and then took our little guy to a preview Gymboree class, followed by an afternoon at the State Fair. Saturday morning we slept late again, had brunch together and then all headed out to Build-A-Bear to build a puppy dog for my son’s upcoming birthday. That afternoon we all took a nap together and then dropped the little guy off at his Nana’s so my husband and I could head out to Six Flags for one of the last nights of Fright Fest.

I look back on the weekend and know that the memories we formed as a family will stick with me for a very long time. Admittedly, if I had planned the weekend for myself, the agenda would have looked very different but I planned the weekend to be filled with things that I knew my husband would enjoy because I realize that seeing him happy makes me happy. I may have gotten it right this time but if I am honest with myself I have to confess that most times I am more concerned with my own agenda than I am with making my husband happy. Oh how blessed I am to having living examples of the kind of spouse I want to be.

What lessons have you learned from marriage, veterans?

Secrets (Part Two)

2006-10-25T00:33:00.000-05:00

Admittedly, I don’t find much opportunity to sit in the presence of people from whom I can glean much wisdom so when the unexpected opportunity to question a man approaching his 65th wedding anniversary dropped in my lap I leapt at the opportunity to learn. Although our conversation was short and amidst a bustling room full of people, it was as though all background noise faded out as he gently shared what he considered the three most important lessons necessary to a happy, successful marriage.

I leaned in to hear the soft voice of the man sharing wisdom gained from a lifetime of happy marriage as he spelled out lesson number two. “Learn never to take your spouse for granted.” He said softly. “My wife and I work on our marriage every single day. The day that you stop considering your spouse, stop working at your marriage or fall into habit is the day you start down the path to divorce, so every day I try to think of ways that I can show her that I appreciate her and support her.”

My husband and I had some pretty rough patches the first two years of our marriage, so rough in fact that we actually talked about the big ‘d’ word. By the grace of God, we were renewed in our purpose to create a marriage that honored God and as a result just recently celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. There was a point shortly after we decided to give our marriage back over to God that I began asking my husband, “How can I be a better wife?” At first the question annoyed him and he blew me off with silly or irrelevant answers but the more I persisted the more honest he became, thinking that the honesty would make me stop asking the question. Boy was he surprised when I actually started making changes as a result of the things he shared! That question is now something that we ask each other all the time and while neither of us particularly enjoys some of the answers, it is amazing the way a little honesty and consideration has changed the face of our marriage. The most sobering part is that the question can never fully be answered because there is always something to work on.

I am by no means an expert at marriage but hearing a gentle reminder from a “veteran” that marriage takes constant work reminds me that my marriage is no more perfect than I am. One of my favorite recording artists, Sara Groves, recently released a beautiful song entitled "Loving A Person" that I think is worth listening to. I've provided a link to the song (worth the download) and the lyrics to get you thinking...

Loving A Person by Sara Groves

Loving a person just the way they are, it's no small thing
It takes some time to see things through
Sometimes things change, sometimes we're waiting
We need grace either way

Hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

There's a lot of pain in reaching out and trying
It's a vulnerable place to be
Love and pride can't occupy the same spaces baby
Only one makes you free

Hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

If we go looking for offense
We're going to find it
If we go looking for real love
We're going to find it

Sara Groves, Add To The Beauty

How do you avoid falling into habit?

Secrets (Part One)

2006-10-24T00:31:00.000-05:00

Just this past weekend I had a very interesting conversation with an older gentleman at our church who is getting ready to celebrate his 65th wedding anniversary. Sixty five years; more than twice as long as I have been alive. Although our conversation was brief, I thoroughly enjoyed talking with him and watching his facial expressions as he reminisced and retold the story of how he and his wife met and fell in love. When I asked him the secret to a long-lasting love-filled marriage he told me that there are three secrets to a successful marriage and for the next three blogs I am going to talk a bit about each secret that he shared.

The first secret this dear, sweet, man shared with me is learning to wake up every single day and decide to love your spouse and show them that you love them in everything that you do. He explained, "My wife and I held hands on our first date and we've never stopped holding hands; I hold her hand every chance I get and fall asleep every night with her hand in mine." It sounds simple but when he finished our conversation he walked over to his wife and took her hand in his as they walked away and I realized how the profound effect something so simple could have on a relationship spanning more than six decades. I am keenly aware at how important the little things are to keeping a marriage alive, the looks, the glances, the laughs, the flirting, and the shared experiences that connect you together every single day. As I reflect on the little things in my marriage I am reminded of the hand-binding ceremony my husband I participated in during our wedding vows which I will share with you now. It is my prayer that sharing these tender words with you will help you appreciate the little things in your relationship as they have reminded me to do so in mine.

Meagan, these are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and vibrant with love; they are holding yours on your wedding day, as he promises to love you all the days of his life. These are the hands that will work alongside yours as together you build your future, as you laugh and cry, as you share innermost secrets and dreams. These are the hands you will place with expectant joy against your stomach, until he too, feels his child stir within you. These are the hands that look so large and strong, yet will be so gentle as he holds your baby for the first time. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness. These are the hands that countless times will wipe tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy. These are the hands that will comfort you in illness, and hold you when fear and grief wrack your mind. These are the hands that will tenderly lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into his eyes, eyes that are filled completely with his overwhelming love and desire for you.

God bless these hands that you see before you. Give them the strength to hold on during the storms of stress and the dark of disillusionment. Keep them tender and gentle as they nurture you in their wondrous love.

Travis, these are the hands of your best friend, smooth, young and carefree; they are holding yours on your wedding day as she pledges her love and commitment to you all the days of her life. These are the hands that will give support as she encourages you to chase your dreams and that will massage tension from your neck and back in the evenings after you have both had a long, hard day. These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times. These are the hands that will comfort you when you are sick or console you when you are grieving. These are the hands that will hold you in joy and excitement and hope, each time she tells you that you are to have another child, as together you create new life. These are the hands that will hold each child in tender love, soothing them through illness and hurt, supporting and encouraging them along the way and knowing when it is time to let go. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years for a lifetime of happiness.

God, bless these hands that you see before you. Give them the strength to hold on during the storms of stress and the dark of disillusionment. Keep them tender and gentle as they nurture you in their wondrous love.

What are your "little things"?

Front And Center

2006-10-23T00:47:00.000-05:00

I would love, love, LOVE to be a stay at home mom but the fact that both my husband and I attended a private college coupled with some bad financial decisions we made early in our marriage make it impossible. We are however, very fortunate to have jobs that compliment each other in a way that allows for one of us to be home with our son every single day except Tuesday and Thursday mornings. On those days I leave him in the church's Mother's Day Out program while I work upstairs. Given our situation, we are so blessed that I have a boss who is supportive and understanding and that Travis has a job that affords a lot of time at home.

Having said all of that.you should know that because I am not able to stay at home with him 24/7 I am fiercely protective of the time that I do have with him and will do anything in my power to keep him with me when I am not working. As a result, I do not take him to the nursery Bible class; I do not drop him off at daycare during our HomeTEAM; I don't put him in the nursery during church, and if I have to leave him with someone so my husband and I can go on a date it will usually be my mother. My decisions as a mother have broached many sarcastic comments and a few critical observations but at this stage in my son's life I feel the most important thing I can provide for him (other than food, shelter and a dry bottom) is consistency.

My family sits front and center on the second row of a church auditorium that spans a 270 degree fan. To say that it is difficult to keep a 9 month old baby still and quiet for 90 minutes in a spot that has the potential to be seen by almost every congregation member in the church would be an understatement. So far, we've not had any major problems and I will continue to keep my son with the family until the point that it becomes necessary to move to the back of the church or to a training room. This decision has also met with a lot of criticism (and not a few dirty looks) but I stand firm just the same. I choose to stay there not because of righteous indignation but because the spot allows for growing opportunities. When the Senior Minister speaks, my son pays attention because after all he is standing right in front of us with no one in between us to draw his attention away. When the worship minister sings, my son watches him and shrieks back in his own sing-songy way. But more importantly, any direction he turns he has the vantage point to see the face of every member of our church worshiping, praying, and praising God. I choose to take the risk because I think the risk is worthy of the blessings in my son's life.

Just a few Sundays ago, a man whom I have never met, walked up to me, introduced himself, and then pointed out where he sits in church just behind us. His eyes welled with tears as he said, "Thank you for sitting in the front with your son and your sweet family. I love watching the three of you worship and find so much blessing in witnessing a family worship and grow together." To be honest, I was really surprised because I was sure that probably most people in our section were annoyed by the squirmy little boy, but I was so grateful that he had the sense to share with me something that I needed to hear so desperately. It immediately made me think of a couple I used to watch in church who would hold hands the entire time they were worshiping while each of their outside hands were raised in praise to God. As a child I remember thinking they looked like a strange bird but now that I am older I fully appreciate the beauty of worshiping in unity not just as a body but as families. There are so many opportunities in our life for familial segregation, so many that I can't even begin to name them all. I know there is a time and place for age-appropriate spiritual development but for now I will treasure every moment spent worshiping as a family and will seek to find other ways to unite in worship.

Do not exasperate your children;
instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4

Your thoughts?

Places I've Been

2006-10-21T10:08:00.000-05:00

Here is a sampling of some of the places I've been this week; I hope these blogs are as beneficial to you as they were to me.

This month's edition of Christian Women Online Magazine is up and a great read, as always. Check it out!.

Fellow minister and truth-seeker, Jake C, has finally joined the blog world. Check out his new blog Rise From Your Slumber and leave him some love.

Finally, check out my mom's latest posts at Accentuate The Positive for several good reads.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11

Where have you been this week?

In His Hands

2006-10-20T00:40:00.000-05:00

My image of God has changed a lot over the years.

When I was younger, I imagined God to be like my grandfather: old, slow, wise, and very strict. Looking back, I think I imagined God in this way because my grandfather was very much a spiritual leader in our family and a spiritual leader of the church. I cannot remember a single Sunday morning or night when my grandfather was not up in front of the church, leading or serving in some way. Even when I decided I wanted to be baptized, my grandfather insisted that I take a written test to see if I knew enough about the Bible to be baptized. I was eight years old and very intimidated. To this day, remnants of that “side” of God stay in my mind.

I now see God as more of a provider, Jehovah Jireh. It seems as though no matter where I am spiritually, no matter how weak, how strong, the Lord provides for me. He speaks to me in so many ways and makes it evident that He is taking care of me. I sometimes think that I am in control of my life, that I decide where I am going and what I am doing, thinking that God is “providing” for me. However, God is most evident in my life when I do not get my way, when things do not go as planned. Even in my frustration and disappointment, God is providing for me. God is providing HIS way.

I see God as an all-knowing provider who loves me and works to the good of me because I love Him and want to obey Him. It is weird to think about it sometimes, to praise God that I did not get into the college I wanted to attend, to praise God that I did not make the singing group I wanted to be in, to praise God that I was not able to go on another International program, to praise God for all my disappointments. Then I stop. I look at my life, where I am, and where I am going. I look at my husband and at our son. I look at the opportunities that have been laid before us, I look at our new home, our church, our calling to ministry, and I am awestruck. Wow! This is so much better than what I planned!

God really is in control, isn’t He?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:5-6

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

Psalm 139:15-16

How do you imagine God?

Your thoughts?

Seeds

2006-10-19T01:01:00.000-05:00

For a short period of my life, my family owned a beautiful German Shepherd K-9 officer (retired) affectionately named “Scotch”. Scotch was not only very beautiful but he was very well trained and obedient. There was however a young boy named Petey who lived on our block and was the neighborhood terror. He made it a habit to taunt Scotch and our little daschund or any other dog in the area by banging on the fence with sticks or throwing rocks etc. One afternoon, when my sister and I accidentally left the gate unlatched, our little daschund wandered out to the front yard to check things out just as Petey was walking by. Seeing the opportunity to torture yet another dog, Petey chased after the daschund barking and growling and poking her back end with a stick. Right as he approached the gate Scotch went after him in true K-9 officer fashion and took a large bite of his arm. As you can imagine, Scotch was confiscated by animal control and caught "kennel cough" while locked up and then passed away. Ever since I’ve always wanted another German shepherd.

Last year my husband and I adopted a beautiful German shepherd puppy from the local dog shelter and named her “Cali”. Cali puts the “punk” in spunk and is a fun-loving, hyperactive, people-pleaser who would love nothing more than to run, jump, and play all day long. Our original intention was to put her in obedience school so we could channel that energy into something positive but we got her so young that she wasn’t eligible for the training we wanted her to get and then suddenly we looked up and an entire year had gone by and poor little Cali was becoming a lonely puppy prone to digging holes the size of small cars. Several months ago we brought my parent’s Golden Retriever over to live with Cali and keep her company but as the hospital bills continued to pour in we decided that spending $60 a month on dog food when we are only making minimum payments on our hospital bills just didn’t make sense. A few weeks ago little Cali was adopted by a sweet little family of five looking for a fun-loving puppy to keep their old-timer German shepherd spunky.

I’ll admit, I cried when they drove away with her. Not because I love her or because she is a wonderful dog because she is in fact incredibly hyperactive and annoying (ask anyone who went on the church camping trip last spring). I cried because I had such high hopes for that sweet little dog and felt like giving her away was like giving up on her.

I think the same is true sometimes when God uses us to plant seeds instead of sow them. I can vividly remember how sad I was when we came to the end of a mission trip and I knew that the young woman I was working with was not ready to make a commitment to the Lord. It was physically difficult to leave without seeing her faith journey reach its final destination because I so feared that she would not continue on her journey. Looking back I realize how my arrogance was limiting God and am so thankful that he brought another person into the life of my new friend to sow the seeds that had been previously planted. Oh what a joyful day it was when I opened the mail to find a picture of my sweet friend putting on our Lord in baptism.

What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.
1 Corinthians 3:5-7

Your thoughts?

Watches of the night

2006-10-18T10:13:00.000-05:00

I’ve heard it every night for the past ten months; the sweet, innocent, cat-like wail emanating from the room next to mine. Not a scream, not a cry, just a singular “mmmooaaaar” calling out into the darkness. That solitary sound grabs my attention more than any actual crying or screaming because I know what my son wants: reassurance. He is calling out into the darkness for someone to remind him that he is not alone, to reach out to him, put his pacifier back in his mouth, tuck his lovey under his head and pull the covers up over him again. Within seconds he is deep asleep again.

Can’t you relate?

I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word. My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises. Hear my voice in accordance with your love; preserve my life, O LORD, according to your laws.
Psalm 119:147-149

Your thoughts?

The Thief

2006-10-17T00:28:00.000-05:00

I remember the day like it was yesterday. I couldn't have been more than 10 or 11 years old and I was home alone watching television in our family den while my dad ran down the street to pick up my little sister from a friend's house. The chair where I was laying on my stomach was about 10 feet from the large solid glass door to the patio on the side of our house. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something move and I turned to see a man walking down our driveway towards the alley where the gate to our backyard was. Knowing people walked down our alley all the time I turned back to watch my program. A few minutes later the motion caught my eye again and I saw the man walking from the direction of our backyard carrying my dad's compressor. I watched in slow motion as he walked off of our property, put the compressor in the back of his truck, and drove away. Even at the tender age of 10 or 11 I could feel something wasn't quite right and when my dad returned a few minutes later I recounted the story to him just before he ran outside to discover someone had stolen his compressor in broad daylight while I watched from the den. He was upset, understandably, but was so thankful that the man had only ventured into the backyard and not into our house where I was alone and defenseless.

So many times in my life I've seen Satan work in the same way that thief did many years ago. Satan and his sinful ways just mosey on in as casual and as harmless-looking as can be but before you know it the damage is done. How does Satan draw you into thinking sin is harmless?

Jesus said to his disciples: "Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come.
Luke 17:1-3

Your thoughts?

The Little Things

2006-10-16T00:09:00.000-05:00

My little boy is nine months old, mobile, and into everything. I've become well versed in the art of distraction making sure that I have him occupied with something he enjoys before I try to do anything productive in the means of housework including dedicating one of the cabinets in our kitchen to toys and Tupperware so he can play while I cook dinner. Lately, however, he has become fascinated with me loading and unloading the dishwasher, unloading the dryer, and vacuuming; nothing can distract him when I am doing one of those activities. At first I found his new attention annoying because he wasn't just interested, he wanted to be involved: pulling out dishes on his own, pulling clothes out of the dryer, or riding on the vacuum cleaner (yes, you read that right) but after some thought I realized I was missing out on an opportunity to teach him about housework by trying to keep him from "helping". As I began to encourage him to take the non-breakable items out of the dishwasher and hand them to me or to pull clothes out of the dryer into the basket or use the time to teach colors or shapes I realized I was missing out on an even bigger opportunity, the opportunity to teach biblical principles. I was instantly reminded of something one of our children's ministers once told me, "Teaching babies and toddlers about the Bible is so much easier than parents imagine. Telling them 'Jesus loves you' is a devotional for their little hearts and minds so keep it simple but keep it part of every day." Suddenly housework has become less about the task of keeping a house and more about using the task of keeping a house to reinforce the biblical principles I am trying to instill in my son. The real bonus for me is that as I aspire to become a Proverbs 31 wife I am finding that I keeping my house is less of an obligation and more of a privilege and something I do to honor my husband and son. How do you find purpose in the every day?

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her.

Proverbs 31 (selected verses)

Your thoughts?

Tender Heart

2006-10-13T00:52:00.000-05:00

You might not know it from looking at me but I am very "tender hearted" as my mom used to say. There were so many times growing up that I would go crying to my mom because of some show on PBS about leukemia or aids that my mom finally decreed that I couldn't watch those types of shows anymore because my little heart couldn't take the sadness. When my husband and I were dating he came over one evening to find me bawling in front of a television show on the Animal Planet and thought I had lost my mind, especially when I told him I was crying overa baby monkey that had been eaten by a crocodile. It wasn't long before he decreed that I couldn't watch the Animal Planet anymore. What really gets to me are commercials with heart like the most recent one by Liberty Mutual "Responsibility: What's Your Policy" because they come in fast, grab my heart strings, get the tear ducts going and then leave me with some annoying Taco commercial or something equally irreverent. It is for these reasons and many, many more that I avoid watching Extreme Home Makeover at all costs.

Last night however, I was sucked in by the teaser and before I knew it I was bawling in front of the television once again. My husband returned from running an errand and found me in all my teary glory, looked at the television, and let out a huge sigh, "Why are you watching this? You know you can't take it!" I knew he was right but sometimes I need to be reminded of the good in this world, even if it comes with some sadness. This particular episode featured the story of the Hawkins family, victims of an F-3 tornado in Henderson, Tennessee. While husband firefighter Jerrod was on duty the tornado hit his home directly, ripping the house from its foundation. Wife, Amy, heroically saved her sons by lying on top of them in the basement while bricks, debris and concrete hit Amy causing permanent injuries that resulted in paralysis and life-long confinement to a wheelchair.

Led by the Brentwood Fire Department, the community rallied around the family with food, monetary and material donations - two hundred volunteers combed the remains of their house after the tornado to recover anything worth salvaging, and the local cleaners took all their remaining clothes and cleaned them for free. Their hometown of Hendersonville collected over 50,000 names on a petition to plead for help on behalf of the family. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition rebuilt the Hawkins home to be wheelchair compatible and to include a family safe room to give the Hawkins peace of mind in the event of another tornado.

Someone once said the difference between sympathy and compassion is that the one who sympathizes, sees and feels, but does nothing while the one who has compassion, sees, feels, and then does something about the need. Every day we have the opportunity to touch others no matter how large or how small the opportunity; the difference between sympathy and compassion revolves around "living" Jesus in that person's life. How are you showing compassion in your life?

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
1 Corinthians 1:3

Your thoughts?

Impure

2006-10-12T01:11:00.000-05:00

For those of you who don’t know, the great state of Texas has been operating in drought mode for almost all of the summer. Since water is a scarcity, the city municipal water systems are literally dragging the bottom of lakes to produce water for the cities. As a result, the color and taste of the water in our house has taken a pretty bad turn. After a week of foul-smelling water and limp hair we called a water specialist to test our tap water and make recommendations. To give contrast, the specialist took some of our bottled water from the fridge to undergo the same tests and help establish a baseline. We were shocked with the results, to say the least. What shocked us weren’t really the results of the tests because anyone with a taste bud could tell you the water was not good, but the fact that the technician was surprised they weren’t worse. When we sat down to look at the results of the tests he shared with us, he was surprised because the percentages were only slightly worse than they normally were in our city. So essentially, while the results were pretty bad in comparison to other cities they weren’t that much different than what we were used to drinking. Ick.

It really is scary to think how quickly we can become immune to imperfection and calloused to impurities so that we don’t even notice the filth that we are ‘bathing in’. A few months ago my brother and I had a deep conversation about sin and temptation and he shared with me a lesson we could all stand to learn. He explained that once he was on his own in college he realized that as he tried to practice tolerance of other people’s sins he found that he was becoming more sinful. He explained he had really begun to understand what Jesus was talking about when he said, “Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” and that he realized that the concept was true with any sinful behavior. “I never realized that as soon as I was ok with it my mind was ok with my friends doing sinful things I was essentially taking the first step to heading down that same pathway.” Such wise words from someone only beginning his adulthood.

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
Matthew 5:28-29

Your thoughts?

Age Matters

2006-10-11T01:54:00.000-05:00

My brother, youngest sister, her boyfriend, and another friend came home to Dallas this weekend to spend some time with the family. After a very enjoyable meal together the group announced that they were going to go out together and promptly turned to my other sister and asked if she wanted to go. My other sister, who is two years younger than I am, was in town without her husband that weekend and I thought it was pretty neat that the group thought enough to ask her if she wanted to go. "Knowing" that they hadn't invited my husband and me wasn't really a big deal because I knew that they knew we had to get the little guy home and in bed so I didn't think much of it until the group went into the garage apartment to make plans and shut the door behind them. A few minutes went by before I realized that I had left my son's diaper bag in the apartment and needed to grab it so I could change his diaper. I gently knocked on the door and walked in when I realized that they were all standing there in silence waiting for me to leave before continuing their conversation. I quickly left the room and returned to where my dad and husband were waiting then recounted what had happened. My dad laughed and said, "Yep, you are officially old. How does it feel to be too old to be cool?"

I am still pretty disturbed by the whole experience because I am accustomed to being discounted for being "too young" but for the first time in my life I was discounted for being "too old" and I am NOT OLD! I look back over the evening and suddenly recognize the difference in the way my sisters friends would talk to me compared to my other sister and realized that I wasn't "one of them" I was "one of the adults". Sometimes I feel like I'll never break into the "adult realm" with my colleagues and have wondered many, many times how old I will have to be before I will be considered experienced or even as a peer so finding out that I was already on the other side of the fence was pretty shocking to me. The incident has really got me thinking about how we appear to others verses how we see ourselves and what it really means to be all things to all people. What surprising way have you been tagged or how do you stay relevant when others see you as an outsider?

To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.
2 Corinthians 9:21-23

Your thoughts?

Haunted

2006-10-10T00:06:00.000-05:00

I have a pretty active imagination that as a general rule keeps me from enjoying anything that could be potentially scary or spooky. I don't read scary books or watch scary movies; I don't like being home alone after dark, and I especially don't like scary music (i.e. the Twilight Zone or Perry Mason). There are very few exceptions to my "nothing scary" rule and this past weekend I was cajoled into joining my entire family and my sister's friends in a trip to the Dallas Scaregrounds for a 45-minute long "haunted" maze. Looking back I am not even sure why I wasted the money for the event because I spent the entire 45 minutes with my head buried in my brother's back, eyes closed, dragging the dead weight of my sister and mom who screamed from the moment we entered the maze until about 5 seconds after we exited.

Looking back I have to admit there were some pretty funny moments, none of which I "saw" since my eyes were closed but all of which involved my scaredy-cat mom who had never been to a "haunted" house before. About ten seconds before the end of the maze one of the actors cornered my terrified mom who responded by crouching down, nose in the corner and screaming my brother's name in true blood-curling fashion at the top of her lungs. Afterwards she was a little wary about her 'personal space" and when a very creepily dressed actor in a scary mask on stilts approached her she cowered away behind the group avoiding all eye contact with the "creature". We all laughed hysterically as he pursued her mercilessly and finally when we thought she had enough we began to engage the very friendly actor in conversation as he talked with us about the scaregrounds and the people involved. By the time the conversation ended, even my mom was friendly with the man. Right before we walked away my sister turned and asked him, "Who are you supposed to be anyway?" He smiled as he turned and walked away, "Satan."

Yikes! I still get chills when I think about it but as creepy as it was it really got me thinking about the way that Satan really does work. At first glance it is so easy to dismiss Satan or his temptations as disgusting and vile but the more we are tempted or in the presence of his evil ways the more comfortable his presence becomes and the more calloused we become to the evil; before you know it you aren't even uncomfortable anymore.

I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.
2 Corinthians 11:3

Your thoughts?

Blessings

2006-10-09T01:47:00.000-05:00

I am so blessed to be a part of a church heritage that still practices A capella music (music without instruments). As a child, I attended a church that believed that A capella was the way that God intended for us to worship him but as I've grown into my own faith and discovered each delicious word of the Bible, I've realized that all music, regardless of whether or not it is vocal or instrumental, can be God-honoring. Growing up, I was always envious of my friends who had Amy Grant and Micheal W. Smith tapes and couldn't reconcile how it was better for me to listen to secular music or no music at all than instrumental Christian music. As a young teenager, and now an adult, I developed a deep appreciation for Christian music and now treasure the myriad of Christian music so easily available today. Although I still attend a church that practices A capella worship, I deeply treasure all forms of Christian music.

Several years ago, while attending the leadership portion of a worship conference for A capella churches, I had the opportunity to hear a very well-known woman speak on the value of postmodern worship. Apparently unaware of the heritage of our collective congregations, she went on and on about different methods of instrumental music and gave pointers on ways to engage the musicians. About halfway through her speech, one of the worship ministers in the audience mercifully stopped her and explained that she was speaking to a group of worship leaders who work in A capella churches. She froze, looking shocked and confused but recovered quickly and finished her session. At the end of her session she opened the floor for questions and then finally stopped and asked the question that I am sure she had been dying to ask all along, "Tell me, why do you choose to sing A capella when music is so beautifully enhanced by instrumentation?" Our host, a well-known worship leader in our fellowship, stood and said, "I could take the time to explain the heritage and the principles of our fellowship but neither would do justice to the experience. If you will permit me, I'd like to lead this group of worship leaders in a song that will help you understand." He turned to the group and said, "Let's share with her the blessing of 'The Lord Bless You and Keep You'."

The room was filled with worship leaders, praise team members, and professional singers and as we stood and broke into the age-old hymn, I was overcome with emotion and the tears began to stream down my face. I moved to the side to try and see the woman at the front of the room and I noticed that the moment had not escaped her either. She stood perfectly still as tears flowed freely down her face until we reached the seven-fold amen and she was so overcome with emotion she collapsed into a chair, face in her hands. We sang with every fiber of our being, proud of our heritage and proud to share in the blessing of God's gifts and as we finished the speaker just sat in silence before standing and whispering, "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."

I am not trying to make an argument for instrumental music verses A capella music but an argument for the beauty of a gift used for God's glory. How are you using your gifts?

Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
Romans 12:4-8

Your thoughts?

Terrible, Horrible, No-good, Very Bad Day

2006-10-06T17:43:00.000-05:00

Yesterday when my son woke me up at 5 am after I had only been asleep two hours, I knew the day was starting off badly. By the time I reached Little Man's mother's day out program I realized I had left both his and my lunch at home. As I walked into the office after scrambling together some leftovers from the day before I was bombarded with three "emergency" help tickets. I paused quickly to grab a cup of coffee to fend off the massive headache taking residence in my head. As I walked out of the break room I tripped, spilling the cup of coffee down the front of my white shirt. I dabbed frantically at the setting stain as I rushed down the stairs to take care of the first help ticket and as I reached the middle landing I tripped on my own ankle and fell against the wall. Stop laughing; I am not making this stuff up. An hour later I finally sat down for my lunch meeting when I got a call from the mother's day out program downstairs because my son was having what they called "a bad day". I rushed downstairs and bent down to pick up my little man before I realized his hands were covered in creamed squash which he subsequently rubbed onto both of my sleeves from shoulder to elbow. I took him upstairs to sit with me while I ate lunch only to discover I had left the lid off of my water bottle so that when I handed it to him to play with he dumped a large portion of it onto my lap. Knowing I only had about 30 minutes until I was scheduled to run a training session for some of our Elders, I went to the office of the minister with whom I would be doing the training to warn him of my current state of affairs. The look on his face when I walked in his office confirmed the severity of the mess that I had become and he mercifully loaned me a t-shirt to wear in favor of my food-covered smock.

I am sorry to say that it wasn't even 1:00pm and already the day had gone horribly wrong. As I tried desperately to keep a positive attitude despite the day's mishaps I found it amazing how something as simple as a clean shirt made me feel like I might be able to reclaim the day for something good. Looking back I am reminded of how wonderful it is to have a Savior who can wipe away all of the days mistakes. I come to him in a filthy, bloody, sin-covered shirt and he says, "Here, let me take that, here is a brand new one, no charge." Sing with me.

Are you washed in the blood, In the soul-cleansing blood of the Lamb? Are your garments spotless? Are they white as snow? Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?

Your thoughts?

On Our Side

2006-10-05T03:14:00.000-05:00

Several years ago, my family took a trip up to Kansas City to spend the Christmas holidays with my sister and her husband. While traveling home to Texas in a two car caravan, my husband and I received a call from my dad over the two-way radio. "Travis, we've pulled over on the side of the road. Pull over and follow me." My husband gave me a puzzled look as we pulled over and then Travis got out and walked to my dad's vehicle. Several minutes later he returned and both of our cars pulled on to a side road, made a u-turn and began heading in the opposite direction. I asked my husband what was going on and he said, "Your dad said that there is a grass fire a little ways back and we are going to check it out." I sat there in silence, completely confused, and asked "And why are we doing that?" he looked at me and said, "I have no idea but it might be kinda cool!" My husband had just graduated from the fire academy three weeks before and was so excited about beginning a career in the fire service that he even brought his fire scanner on the trip so he could listen to fire radio traffic during the drive. We rounded the corner and drove up towards a grass fire the size of a pretty good-sized house. My dad called Travis on the radio and said, "Grab your fire extinguisher." I burst out laughing; my husband's travel fire extinguisher is the size of a loaf of French bread and based on what I've seen of his academy fires his little fire extinguisher would hardly be able to put out a small stove fire.

I think we, as Christians, make this same mistake far too often. When dealing with addiction, sin, and unholy behavior we foolishly believe that we can overcome by sheer will or determination. Like my husband's tiny fire extinguisher against the massive grassfire, we are helpless in the sight of sin if we do not have Christ fighting for us.

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgression it is by grace that you have been saved.
Ephesians 2:4-7

Your thoughts?

The Attacker

2006-10-04T08:12:00.000-05:00

As a teenager I lived for summers and the chance to hang out with my friends, stay up late, have sleep-overs and attend church summer camps. One summer after attending camp I returned home to find that my mom had used the entire week to do some serious cleaning and rearranging in every room of the house. It was late and my brother and sisters had already gone to bed so I didn't really have a chance to look around and see all that she had done so I went straight to my room and began to get ready for bed. As I worked through my nightly routine, I padded towards the kitchen to get a glass of water, just as I did every night, but as I turned the corner from the hall to the kitchen I was overpowered by something large, heavy and covered in slick plastic. I fell backwards under the weight of the thing, and frantically crawled backwards on all fours trying to get out from under the 'attacker'. I freed myself, ran to the light switch and discovered my attacker; my mom's fake ficus tree that had apparently been moved in the spring cleaning.

Looking back on that moment I can't help but laugh at how frightened I was of something so benign but the experience serves for a great lesson. So often I begin to feel comfortable with the way that Satan tempts me, sure that I know the attacks he has planned and how to appropriately thwart them that I don't even realize that I am walking with spiritual blinders on. I have to remind myself that the devil will never stop pursuing me and that I am to be alert for his attacks in whatever form they may come.

Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against
the devil's schemes.
Ephesians 6:11

Your thoughts?

Under A Cloud

2006-10-03T02:14:00.000-05:00

I've struggled with depression most of my life. As I felt the gloom return three months ago I thought it was just a bi-product of weaning my little guy, but as each day went by the gloom just kept getting darker. When I was at work I felt guilty because I was not home with my son; when I was at home I was distracted because I felt like I should be working. I examined every part of my life that seemed unruly. I cleaned out all of the closets and had a garage sale; I reworked our budget and focused on getting out from under the hospital bills. I buckled down at work and forced projects that were in limbo; I examined my prayer life and made a conscious effort to look to him and not me, and I "cast my cares" on him, but it wasn't worry that kept me up, it was the ick that I felt in my chest, the ever present sense of ache that wouldn't go away. I could go on and on about pressure, obligations, and guilt that I felt but they were just symptoms because every time the problem was pinpointed, I would take care of it and something else would come to light.

I would imagine that most would be surprised at how often I feel this way because I am really good at faking it, when I need to, but then I "crash" when I am alone. I know I could have probably popped a pill and felt a lot better but I resisted the solution at first because in some ways depression feels like home to me and that doesn't even make sense. So here I am, on the other side, looking back at the situation, unable to pinpoint what brought me out of the darkness, making it a clear case of intervention by my Heavenly Father.

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
Psalm 42:11

Your thoughts?

Soundtrack

2006-10-02T12:04:00.000-05:00

I believe everyone has a life soundtrack. I love my itunes playlist because the songs on my list all represent certain parts of my life and with one click of the play button I am instantly transported back in time by the sound of that particular song.

Strike A Pose by Madonna reminds me of summertime when my sister and I would call the local DJ 30 or 40 times a day to get him to play that song so we could dance around the den “striking a pose”.

Higher Love by Steve Winwood reminds me of riding around with my dad and sister in the summer as he picked up checks from clients and the messed up lyrics that my sister would sing at the top of her lungs “Bake Me A Pie of Love” instead of “Bring Me A Higher Love”.

More Than Words by Extreme reminds me of my first boy/girl dance and that magical slow, awkward, sidestep dance with Mitchell, my short-lived 7th grade crush.

Galaxia by the Gypsy Kings reminds me of yummy Salvadorian food and lazy Saturday afternoons hanging out with my college roommate, Lissette.

Fiesta Pa'Los Rumberos by Albita reminds me of my salsa-dancing days and of the wonderful students in my tiny little salsa class in the back halls of our villa in Italy.

Unforgetful by Jars of Clay reminds of the thrill I felt working center spotlight for a Jars of Clay concert after my friend Christie volunteered us to fill in for a couple of sick tour members.

Perfect Love by Marc Cohn reminds me of my first year of marriage and Sunday afternoons snuggled up in a hammock with my husband, a good book, and a big glass of sweet iced tea.

I consider all of these memories fundamental to who I am, but what really strikes me as significant is the way that music can draw me into the presence of God. Certain songs, certain verses, even certain tunes can pull me into the memory of an intimate moment with my creator, or remind me of the thrill of discovering a new “part” of God as revealed in scripture through music, or make my heart pound with intensity as I sing whole-heartedly in praise to my God.

I love the book of Psalms, the “songbook” of the Old Testament, an eternal record of David’s uncompromising faith in God, and a compilation of some of the most beautiful songs ever written. As I study each verse I can’t help but wonder what feelings and memories were evoked as David revisited each Psalm. How does music draw you closer to God?

I will praise God's name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving.
Psalm 69:30

Your thoughts?

Intervention

2006-09-29T01:03:00.000-05:00

I am the oldest of four children; I am two years older than my sister, 4 years older than my brother and 8 years older than my youngest sister. Growing up, I fancied myself a mom in training and often “filled in” when mom wasn’t around. The problem arose when I felt the need to “discipline” in front of my mom or when I tried to beat her to the punch. Many, many times in my life I heard my mom say, “Meagan, let me be the parent!” or my siblings say “You’re not the boss of me!”

I am obviously much older now but the “urge” to parent has not gone away even though all of my siblings are adults. Many times I feel frustrated over an argument or discussion I witness and have to divert myself so I don’t chime in with my own exhortations. I witnessed such a “discussion” tonight and quickly busied myself so I wouldn’t be tempted to interrupt with my own comments. It was really hard to keep my mouth shut….REALLY hard and looking back I have to ask myself why I want so badly to intervene over something so small yet I keep my mouth shut about the really big stuff.

I can think of quite a few times in my life when I’ve seen friends in trouble or headed down a destructive path and I’ve stood idly by or just lightly broached the problem. The first year of my marriage was the toughest one we’ve had thus far (and hopefully will remain the toughest); adjusting to married life and the stress of being in a new town with new jobs barely making ends meet made for a very stressful marriage. We were headed down a destructive path in our marriage but had no gauge with which to realize we were headed for trouble. We hit rock bottom before we were able to come out on top and looking back I see that we were clearly in trouble and no one from our church family said anything (our parents were so far away they didn’t know). Can you think of a time when you’ve avoided confronting someone about destructive behavior when you knew you should?

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2

Your thoughts?

Objects May Appear Larger

2006-09-28T01:01:00.000-05:00

I laughed hysterically as a loved one recounted to me the conversation she inadvertantly overheard about me. Apparently at a recent gathering there was a rather large group of people talking about various members of our church staff and speculating as to how much money each one made. In doing so, one of the people made a comment about me having "come from money". I still laugh when I say it because nothing could be further from the truth, but that isn't the point. One member had commented on my clothing, and the fact that I carry a Louis Vuitton purse while another chimed in about how old and expensive the furniture in my house appeared and that I am always drinking Starbucks. I laughed and laughed as she recounted each detail and she told me how hard it was not to interrupt the conversation and tell them that I drink Starbucks because my husband worked there and now makes the tasty drinks in our home, or that my Louis was a black market buy in the Bahamas for a measily $40, or that I buy clothes at Target, Walmart, and Ross or that my house is furnished by my family's co-op.

Until that moment I had never realized how my appearance looked to people outside of my close circle of friends. Anyone who really knows me well knows how much I love a good bargain and despise paying full price. I'm the girl who begins her Christmas shopping the day after Christmas so that I can make the most of the sales and so that I will have enough time to bargain hunt and comparison shop to squeeze every last drop out of every nickel I spend. Comment on something I am wearing or something I have and chances are I'll tell you where I got it and how much I paid for it, regardless of how annoying it is. I got a big kick out of the conversation but later when I was alone I began to wonder, is that the image I want other people to see? What should I be reflecting, that I come from money or that I am a child of God? What do you reflect?

As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man.
Proverbs 27:19

Your thoughts?

Busy Little Bees

2006-09-27T00:09:00.000-05:00

Just a few days ago my husband and I stopped at a fast food restaurant to pick up some food on the way to a friend's house. As we pulled up to pay, my husband rolled down his window and in flew a small bee. My husband shrieked and immediately began batting at the tiny little bug. The bee flew around the cab of our car desperately searching for a way to escape the flailing. As the bee approached my husband's head, Travis ripped off his seatbelt, threw open the door and jumped out of the car. Both the cashier and I were laughing hysterically as my husband thrashed and flailed about before jumping back in the car and rolling up the window as quickly as possible. It amazes me that a grown man, capable of squashing that small bee with two fingers, would be so afraid of a little bug. The same man who fearlessly enters burning buildings and precarious situations on a daily basis so afraid of a "predator" not even worthy of being called an opponent.

I think sometimes in the church body we get so focused on the "little bees" (the complainers, the bickerers, the "politicians" and those with negative attitudes) that we spend all of our focus on keeping the peace and wind up being too tuckered out to spiritually form those "bees". I am constantly amazed at the prevalence of triangulation in the church today and how Satan can so quickly turn the body against itself. You know what I am talking about; Person A is upset about something Person B said or did and instead of approaching them about it they go and talk to Person C (triangle). Oh how Satan keeps us busy to prevent spiritual formation and work in the kingdom! How does Satan distract you from kingdom work?

I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.
1 Corinthians 1:10

Your thoughts?

The Pond

2006-09-26T01:02:00.000-05:00

My husband and I recently decided to give away the two big dogs that were living in our backyard because we were spending way too much money on a couple of animals we hardly spend time with. Once the animals had been vacated, the backyard looked almost sad with large potholes the size of small cars, crooked brush, and dead grass. Not sure what to do with the large hole closest to our house, my husband and I decided to line it and make it a small pond. Yes, the hole was that big. After transplanting a few straggling plants, adding a new pump and a couple of aquatic plants, we had completed the first step in reclaiming our pathetic little back yard.

A couple of days went by and while we really enjoyed the peaceful sounds of the waterfall and the paw print-free glass on our back door it started to feel like something was missing so we decided to add fish to our little pond. I did the research thinking that Koi were the way to go but was floored by the cost of the even a single fish. In the end we decided to go with a few common goldfish, hearty, colorful, and $.27 a piece. I was kind of miffed at first because the half inch long fish didn't look too promising when the clerk pulled them out of the aquarium but he assured us that they would grow and multiply quickly. "How big will they get?" I inquired. "Oh, 'bout 12 to 14 inches" the clerk replied as he tied off the plastic bag, "These guys are lucky that you are putting them in a big pond because they will be able to reach their full potential." You see, what I never knew is that goldfish only grow as big as their tank so that when put in a small one-gallon tank they will never grow bigger than the half inch at which they began but when put in a large 100-gallon pond, like the one in our backyard, they will quickly grow to be rather large, established fish.

Isn't the same true of us spiritually? Fresh out of the waters of baptism as newborn Christians we are eager and on fire for the cause of Christ but unless we continue to learn and grow and be challenged in our faith we will never fully grow into the mature Christians God intended us to be. How do you make sure your pond is "big enough" to reach your full-potential?

Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.
Hebrews 5:13-14

Your thoughts?

Table Scraps

2006-09-25T05:11:00.000-05:00

My sweet little Chihuahua, Daisy, lives and breathes for table scraps. Before you go judging me based on what you think I give my dog, you should know that three years ago after an all night event at the emergency vet and an $800 bill we made the decision to stop giving her "people food" because her little doggy tummy couldn't handle it. Daisy, however, has not forgotten one piece of food she has ever received from us and if we fix a food that was ever given to her at anytime in her life she remembers and becomes a relentless beggar (and is usually punished). I'd like to say that it has been three years since she had table scraps but my dad refuses to comply and Daisy is always underfoot when we are cooking; if anything drops from the counter or stove she gobbles it down before it even has time to hit the floor. She, of course, thinks that we gave her that food so the begging continues.

Last year, while pregnant and on my 7th week of bed rest, I was reclined and relaxing on our den couch working on my laptop and eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Daisy was lying next to me and watching LITERALLY every single bite. At one point during my meal I got so caught up in something I was doing on the laptop that I inadvertently held the sandwich off to the side and right in front of her face and before I had even realized what had happened she had gobbled the entire half in one bite. At first I yelled at her and sent her to her crate but upon reflection I began to look at the situation from her perspective. Poor little Daisy was just sitting there watching me eat. From her vantage point it had looked as though I had just stopped eating and held the sandwich out for her to take a bite, not unlike I had done a hundred different times whe she was a puppy (no I do not eat after my dog). My poor little dog has no idea what a laptop is or that I can be distracted by it and she has no reason to believe I wouldn't share the sandwich with her.

I am sorry to say that Daisy isn't the only one to suffer from my inability to see things from another's perspective. I realized recently how easily I get angry at other people because they do something contrary to what I think they should do when I have no idea what things are really like in their lives. So often I demand people to see things from my point of view or to put themselves in my place or in my shoes yet I am totally unwilling to do the same for others. What is it about us that makes us think that our perspective or our situation is so much more unique or demanding than another's? I can think of a million and one times in my relationship with my husband when our arguments have been about trying to make the other person see things from our own point of view rather than us trying to better understand the other person in favor of our own perspective. How has a little perspective changed your relationship with someone?

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.
1 Peter 3:8

Your thoughts?

Places I've Been

2006-09-23T17:12:00.000-05:00

Here is a sampling of some of the places I've been this week; I hope these blogs are as beneficial to you as they were to me.

Check out Jim's blog, A Place for the God Hungry, for a couple of great pieces on generosity. Part one is here and part two is here.

Then head over to Christopher's Blog, Green Pastures, for a piece on maintaining a Godly schedule.

Finally, check out this new meme I've discovered called Love Thursday as hosted by Chookooloonks and be sure to check out the corresponding Love Flickr Pool. I had all kinds of warm fuzzies after reading the entries.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11

Where have you been this week?

In A Rut

2006-09-22T07:16:00.000-05:00

I was born without a single solitary competitive bone; my siblings got all of them. When I was a kid, both my sister and my brother would beg me to race them until I finally gave in. We’d line up, someone would say “go” and both of them would break into a sprint, practically sweating blood trying to win. I, on the other hand, giggled the whole time I jogged behind them.

I played sports in both junior high and high school but didn’t pursue them seriously because I really didn’t care whether we won or lost. I still remember how mad my basketball coach got when I giggled at the huge vein in his forehead instead of listening intently as he gave us instructions to win. I am not the kind of person to push myself physically; anytime I’ve accomplished something significant athletically it has been because someone else pushed me. After the birth of my son I had a lot of weight to lose before I could fit into the bridesmaid dress my friend picked out for her wedding. I knew immediately that the only way it was going to happen is if someone else pushed me. I joined an exercise club at my local gym AND paid money to be a part of the club. All I can say is that I totally credit our team leader, Summer, for the weight that I lost because without her pushing me (sometimes literally) I just wouldn’t have even bothered. It was hard to get started but the accountability (Summer), plus with the commitment (I paid for it), combined with the habit (took about 6 weeks but it did become habit) and now I actually enjoy working out and find that I AM able to push myself.

There have been many times in my life when I’ve found myself in a rut spiritually. I know that I should be pursuing a relationship with God or praying or studying the Bible but I just can’t get started. Sometimes all it takes is a little accountability, a commitment, and a habit to get out of the rut and move closer to the cross. How do you handle a spiritual rut?

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:14

Your thoughts?

The Gate

2006-09-22T00:12:00.000-05:00

Shortly after our first year of marriage, my husband bought me a sweet little Chihuahua that we named Daisy. Daisy is a very intelligent dog and for the first several months of her life we had a hard time keeping her contained to our little apartment. We purchased a child-gate to put across the door leading from our apartment to the main house (we lived with my parents) but it was only a few days before she figured out that she could jump over the gate, Knowing how afraid she is of loud noises, my husband unlatched the gate and began just propping it up against the door. The first time she tried to jump over the gate it came crashing down in a loud bang and that was the end of Daisy jumping over the gate; in fact it was the end of her trying to escape the apartment at all.

It has been four years since we've had a child gate up anywhere in our house but since we have a very mobile 8-month-old we've had to bring out the gates to keep him in certain rooms. Daisy is three times the size she was in her gate jumping days and now she can jump heights up to two and three times the height of the gate, but does she? No way. Because of the hassle of latching and unlatching the gate, we attempted to persuade Daisy just to jump over the gate, but instead she lies down in front of the gate and whines and whines. No amount of calling, encouraging, bribing, or demonstrations will dissuade her from her fear.

Don't we do the same thing? So many times I can feel God calling me out in faith but I am too scared or too insecure to trust his judgment. Just like we knew the dog would be safe from the loud "falling noise", God knows and sees all things and just asks us to trust him. How are you crippled by fear?

In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?
Psalm 56:4

Your thoughts?

Extraordinary News

2006-09-20T02:13:00.000-05:00

This week's edition of Extraordinary News highlights the story of Shannon Waters and the blind, deaf, partially brain-dead, methamphetamine-addicted baby she adopted after the baby's own mother abused her in utero almost to the point of death. The story was originally aired to highlight the dangers of drug use but the real story is in the 22 days that Shannon and little Ally shared together. I won't even attempt to recreate the story because I wouldn't be able to do it justice. Check out the story and video as it was broadcast on WFAA 8 Dallas at Ally's Story.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
James 1:27

Your thoughts?

Torrent

2006-09-19T00:28:00.000-05:00

I woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for breath, the dream still as real as if it had just happened. I was peacefully walking along a beach when suddenly I had this overwhelming sense of urgency to turn and look at the ocean. As I slowly turned to face the peaceful water, I saw a wave bigger than I ever thought I was capable of imagining appear out of nowhere; before I could even gasp a breath of air it engulfed everything in sight. As I lay in bed, drenched in sweat, I began to cry because I realized that the dream embodied everything I've been feeling for the past week or so.

I've always known the chinks in my spiritual armor, the weak spots that Satan picks at in his cunning little way and for the most part I know how to thwart his sneaky attacks because he and I have been battling each other for years. But Satan is sneaky and conniving and lately he has been tempting me in a way that is very foreign but surprisingly not that uncomfortable to me. Just when I thought that I knew where all the vulnerable parts of my life where hidden, he took a sledge hammer and went straight for my gut. As I've been battling the evil suddenly enveloping my life, I've felt as though I've been sucked under a giant swirling wave. No matter how I grasped or clawed my way to the top I knew deep down inside that nothing short of a heavenly intervention would save me.

This morning in our staff prayer time our leader brought us into our devotional time by reading to us from Psalm 141. As I sat there listening, my soul silently gasping for air, I began to feel the Lord's almighty hand reach into the swirling wave to fish me out of the torrent. As we prayed I felt the waves part and the air hit my face as I took that first breath of clean fresh air.

If I am honest with myself, I know that I am not out of the water yet but I do know that I am in capable hands.

O LORD, I call to you; come quickly to me.
Hear my voice when I call to you.

May my prayer be set before you like incense;
may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.

Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD;
keep watch over the door of my lips.

Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil,
to take part in wicked deeds
with men who are evildoers;
let me not eat of their delicacies.

Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness;
let him rebuke me—it is oil on my head.
My head will not refuse it.
Yet my prayer is ever against the deeds of evildoers;

their rulers will be thrown down from the cliffs,
and the wicked will learn that my words were well spoken.

They will say, "As one plows and breaks up the earth,
so our bones have been scattered at the mouth of the grave. "

But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign LORD;
in you I take refuge—do not give me over to death.

Keep me from the snares they have laid for me,
from the traps set by evildoers.

Let the wicked fall into their own nets,
while I pass by in safety.

Psalm 141

Your thoughts?

Ice

2006-09-18T00:55:00.000-05:00

I began the drive completely exhausted and with a bad attitude after a sleepless night taking care of my sick little boy. Lack of sleep is not a new thing for me; I knew that when my husband returned home from the fire department I would need to catch a couple hours of sleep if I was going to make it through the weekend. But when my husband walked in after working 72 hours straight, I saw that the workload and the lack of sleep had taken its' toll on his health; he was so sick he could hardly function.

Leaving my sick, sleep-deprived husband with our sick 8-month old son so that I could attend an Elders/Ministers Retreat was literally one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I cried as I kissed them both goodbye and dragged myself to the car to make the hour long trip. Everything in me screamed that I needed to be home taking care of my husband and my son but I knew that I had an obligation to be at this retreat and that nothing short of an emergency would justify me not being there.

By the time I arrived at the camp ground I was just flat out angry at the situation and and my bad attitude was palpable. I dropped off my stuff in my room and headed into the center to meet with my co-workers and shepherds so that I could chit-chat politely until time to start.

The evening started with some games and ice-breakers, followed by a time of sharing and a short worship service. By the time we began our walk to dinner I realized that my "ice" had begun to thaw. After dinner we broke up into small groups for some very intriguing times of sharing followed by an experiential worship service lying on blankets underneath the stars.

When it was all over I remained there on the blanket as people began to pack up and I took a really deep breath and exhaled. I realized how good it felt and took another deep breath as my body silently informed me that I had been holding my breath all day. I basked in the afterglow of time spent with my Father and suddenly realized that he had thawed every last bit of the ice around my spirit.

How wonderful to have a Father who loves and accepts me in all my frozen imperfection and draws me into his all-encompassing light.

Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.
2 Corinthians 7:1

Your thoughts?

Tag Out

2006-09-15T01:15:00.000-05:00

The other night I attended a party to welcome a new minister to our staff. I was flying solo with my son because my husband was on shift; in spite of being ten minutes late I was the second person to arrive. As other people appeared, I staked my claim to a small patch of floor and brought out all the toys and books necessary to keep my little guy occupied. As people began to arrive and make the rounds hugging and greeting I remained in my perch wary of my son's tendency to get underfoot very quickly. About twenty minutes into the party I began a conversation with a friend of mine when I looked down and realized that my shirt was inside out. In a nanosecond I recalled all of the people I had hugged and spoken to and wondered how in the world I had not been notified of my blunder. As I escaped to the bathroom to right my shirt I decided only one of two things could have happened; either everyone I know is really oblivious to me and didn't notice the grossly obvious inside-out shirt OR everyone had noticed and no one had the courage to let me in on the secret.

I can think of many times in my life when a friend or loved one has had their "shirt inside out", when they were unknowingly wearing the big fat red flag of burnout, distraction, hopelessness, or complacency and I am either to caught up in myself to see or I see and I am too afraid to say something. Just the other day a good friend of mine pulled me aside and asked me about my postpartum depression and although it was a tiny bit embarrassing it was so refreshing to know that she cared enough about me to talk with me openly about it. As I look back on the times in my life when I've unknowingly raised the red flag and at the people who both noticed the sign and said or did something about it, I can't help but wonder whose flags I am on the lookout for.

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above
yourselves.
Romans 12:10

Your thoughts?

Preconceived

2006-09-14T01:18:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, I got an unexpected email from a colleague that completely took me by surprise. The email was very terse and filled with accusatory words of hurt, anger, and dismay; apparently, in my rush to get to a lunch meeting, I had responded to a previous request from the colleague in a short, to-the-point voicemail about what I thought that person should do regarding an issue we were working on together. Apparently, it had come off as reprimanding and belittling. I apologized for the unintended tone, and assured my colleague that my shortness was in no way an indication that I was angry or frustrated. I expressed my deep appreciation for the matter being brought to my attention as the iciness immediately melted away and my colleague began to reflect and then finally said, “I think I am just on edge; it seems like everyone is always upset with me about something and now I just assume everyone is talking down to me.”

A few days later I had a conversation with a friend about a loved one who always made her feel guilty. My friend described situation after situation where the loved one would play “a guilt card” and yet, from my point of view, I couldn’t see where that was happening. I asked my friend about it and told her how things looked from my point of view and she said, “Hmmm, maybe I just assume she is playing the guilt card because it is something I could see myself doing…”The similarity in these two incidents really struck me because I can relate; I am so often guilty of assigning a preconceived outcome to a situation, based solely on my perspective at the time, that I totally misunderstand a situation. If the lens through which you see the world so greatly affects your reactions, your attitude, and your responses, how would a “God lens” change your life?

Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.
Mathew 9:35-36

Your thoughts?

No Fair!

2006-09-13T17:20:00.000-05:00

Back in high school I was very involved in our school’s choir and was privileged to attend the state competition with the group many of those years. I remember one year in particular when several individuals were asked to compete in the solo portion of the competition and there were several talented singers representing our school, one of which was predicted to win all state. You can imagine our shock when the scores came in and that individual was slotted in last place and one of the weaker singers of the group was in first! Our choir director immediately went to the board protesting some kind of miscommunication and it was discovered that the judge in charge of scoring had assumed that on a scale of 1-5 that 5 was the less desirable score and 1 was the best and therefore had accidentally placed the first last and the last first. Because the “scores” had already been announced, the board felt uncomfortable revoking the award and backed the erroneous scores. I felt horrible for the young girl who was assumed to have the competition “in the bag” and watched as she very graciously kept quiet about the whole ordeal as to not take away from the glory of the other singer as they announced her accomplishment in chapel the following Monday.

Looking back on that incident I am not sure how I would have reacted had I been put in that position. So many times I feel a sense of entitlement for things I “feel” I deserve: promotions, equal treatment, recognition, vacation, discounts, forgiveness, the list is endless. How much different would my life be if I focused less on what I feel I deserve and more on the gift that I don’t deserve yet was freely given to me?

The greatest among you will be your servant. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.
Matthew 23:11-12

Your thoughts?

In "Other" Words

2006-09-12T00:28:00.000-05:00

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What! You too? I thought I was the only one!"
~ C.S. Lewis ~

I am a scaredy-cat. No, really, I am. I’ve been an avid-watcher of various crime dramas and law enforcement shows for most of my life and worked as a 911 dispatcher for nearly two years so let’s just say that I have plenty of ammunition to fuel my fears. Now that I am a mommy my fears revolve less around being overpowered by a “bad guy” and more around not being able to protect my baby from a “bad guy”. I know what you are thinking because my dad asks me the same question all the time, “Just what are all these bad guys doing around my house and what do they want?” Don’t get me started. I know all the recommended deterrents; I keep all kinds of lights on outside my house, I have deadbolts, a dog, an alarm, a hard-wired phone and a back up cell phone but I am still too scared to sleep at home by myself on the nights when my husband is at the fire department so I take my scaredy-cat behind and my baby boy and we spend the night with my parents EVERY THIRD NIGHT. We have been in this three day pattern since the day my husband began working at the fire station and for the most part it works very well. This weekend was a little different though because my parents left town to go visit my sister and weren’t going to be home until late Sunday night. I debated whether or not to go to their house (since they would be getting in later that night) or just stay home because an empty house is an empty house and finally decided to stay at home so I could get some housework done. Everything went perfectly until it was time to go to bed and I realized that I would have to check all of the doors on my own (as if I hadn’t already done that 20 times). By the time I made it back to the bedroom I was so freaked out that I grabbed my sleeping son out of his crib, put him in my bed and then locked the bedroom door and moved the dresser in front of it. Whew. I got ready for bed and snuggled down in the covers next to my sweet baby boy when I realized the air conditioner was still running and the thermostat was on the other side of my “security door”. Annoyed, I moved the dresser and turned the lock but nothing happened. I tried again and again and then realized that the lock on the door knob was not working and I was unable to open the door. I became frantic and began twisting and turning and hitting the door, frantic to get out. What if there is a fire? What if I we can’t get out the window? What am I going to do? I became more and more frantic before I realized just how ridiculous I was being, took a deep breath, and turned the lock and the lock disengaged.

Most people don’t have any clue that I am this way because I keep my paranoia to myself knowing that my fears are both unfounded and a little bit ridiculous. Last year, shortly after my husband and I joined a brand new small group at church, the group was spending an evening talking and getting to know each other when one of the women in the groups shared a story that caught my attention because it was filled with the same unfounded paranoia and imaginative fears that I deal with on a regular basis. I couldn’t believe it…there was someone else who was as nutty and paranoid as me. We began talking and sharing so many “scary” stories and the next thing we knew we had scheduled time to hang out together later on that week.

It is always so much fun to meet new people that share things in common with you, especially when the similarities are obscure but people and life situations change and relationships come and go. How much more wonderful to discover friendships that are based on something more permanent than hobbies or interests. One of the greatest blessings of being part of a church family is the Christian relationships that are born from common faith and beliefs. God really knew what he was doing when he formed the body of the church.

For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.
Matthew 18:20

Your thoughts?

I Remember

2006-09-11T10:44:00.000-05:00

I was standing in line at Walmart waiting my turn to pay and thinking about what I was going to make for dinner that night. I stepped up to pay for my items and the cashier said, "Well I guess it is pretty much the beginning of the end times." I looked around to see if she was talking to someone else then turned back and said, "I'm sorry?" "You know, the bombs, World Trade Center?" she replied, "The beginning of the end." She handed me my receipt and I walked out the front door and to my car, completely confused. "That was weird" I said to myself as I buckled my seat belt and started the car. I pulled out of the parking lot and began to drive to work as I heard something mentioned about the World Trade Center on the radio. I turned up the volume and heard a report that a plane had hit one of the towers and thought back to what the cashier had said. Didn't the cashier say "bomb"? I walked in the lobby of my office building and pulled a large television cart to the center of the room and switched it on. My boss walked out of her office just in time for us both to see the second plane hit. Every muscle in my body froze as I stood there in horror unable to comprehend what I had just seen. My boss immediately turned and grabbed a phone to call the college president and I reached to my side and picked up the phone to call my husband, the church's youth minister, and when he answered all I could muster was "Turn on the television."

It has been five years since the twin towers fell but in many ways I feel closer to that day now than I did when it happened. I had only been married two months and four days on 9/11 and as the wife of a youth minister and the office manager for the college counseling center, I felt the impact of the tragic events in a very real way, but they weren't personal to me. I mourned the loss of lives and the change in our society but I wasn't able to comprehend the effects that day would have on my life for another four years.

'Gina Sztejnberg's life was one of journeys. Born in Poland to a Jewish couple who had fled to Russia to escape the Holocaust, and then returned to Poland, she came as a girl to the United States in the early 1960's.

At Erasmus High School in Brooklyn, she renewed acquaintances with a boy from her village, Michael Sztejnberg (pronounced Steinberg). They eventually married, settled in Ridgewood, N.J., and became inseparable traveling companions, even commuting together to their jobs. Every day, Mr. Sztejnberg, 55, a senior vice president with J. P. Morgan in Lower Manhattan, drove Mrs. Sztejnberg, 52, a database architect consultant, to the World Trade Center, where she worked on a project for Marsh & McLennan on the 96th floor of the north tower.' *

As I think back to the morning of September 11th, I realize that I can't remember anything my husband and I said to each other before leaving for work. Gina and Michael Sztejnberg shared a commuter train to work on September 11, 2001, as they did every morning and my guess is they had no idea it would be their last time to complete their morning routine together. I can't help but wonder what their last words to each other were before Gina headed up to the 96th floor of Tower One and Micheal continued on to work. How would their morning have been different if they had known it was their last? The day began as any other ordinary day but it was a day that would forever change families, friends and a country.

My husband is no longer a youth minister; he is a firefighter, and every day on the job affords him dangers that I can't even imagine. The difference between today and every day before September 11, 2001 is that I realize any day could be the last day. I am not paralyzed by the realization or even afraid; I am changed. I love deeper, I forgive quicker, I compliment generously and I appreciate in a way that I've never known. I will probably never fully comprehend the loss from that day but I can learn from it and be grateful that God gave me the opportunity to appreciate a life that I have taken for granted. May God continue to bring forth blessings from the tragedies of that horrific day.

To read more about the life of Gina Sztejnberg click here.

You can view the memorials of all 2,996 victims of September 11, 2001 by visiting this website. Let's remember.

*Profile originally published in THE NEW YORK TIMES on November 14, 2001

Places I've Been

2006-09-09T03:31:00.000-05:00

Here is a sampling of some of the places I've been this week; I hope these blogs are as beneficial to you as they were to me.

First on my list is the new Mom's For Modesty campaign as started by Everyday Mommy. Take a moment to check out the post that started it all by visiting Mom’s for Modesty.

Second on my list is a daily prayer guide called Sacred Space that was recommended to my by a co-worker. Check it out.

On the five year anniversary of 9/11 there are a number of tremendously uplifting and honoring sites to visit and find encouragement. One that I am very fond of is a collaboration of individual bloggers who have volunteered to write a memorial piece for every person who died on 9/11. Visit the site that started it all at 2,996 and check back here on Monday to read my memorial of Gina Sztejnberg.

Finally, I saw a very heart warming and uplifting presentation last night on ABC Primetime with Diane Sawyer called The 9/11 Babies: Five Years Later that featured a follow-up on all of the babies born to families who lost loved ones on 9/11. As the wife of a firefighter, one of my greatest fears involves raising my son without his father so this piece was especially moving for me. Check out this site and the photos of the beautiful children and experience the joy of new life in the midst of great tragedy.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11

Where have you been this week?

Earshot

2006-09-08T05:17:00.000-05:00

I was in earshot of the conversation. It only took a couple of seconds before I realized that the man was talking about me; the insults, the criticism, the cynicism, the sarcasm all directed towards me, my ministry, and the church’s assets. As I turned toward the conversation I assumed that he would realize that I could hear him and mumble something neutral or benign but instead he began to talk louder, finally turning to me and lashing out his harsh words directly to me. As I opened my mouth to respond, he turned and quickly walked away.

I think so often we feel that the we deserve the blessings God gives us or that he owes us blessings and then when he takes them away or we feel we deserve more blessings or better blessings we get angry or indignant. There is a song that we sing in church called Blessed Be The Name Of The Lord in which there is a verse that says, “You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, “Lord Blessed Be your Name’ . How would your perspective change if you began to think of your blessings and your possessions of God’s instead of yours?

Jonah went out and sat down at a place east of the city. There he made himself a shelter, sat in its shade and waited to see what would happen to the city. Then the LORD God provided a vine and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort, and Jonah was very happy about the vine. But at dawn the next day God provided a worm, which chewed the vine so that it withered. When the sun rose, God provided a scorching east wind, and the sun blazed on Jonah's head so that he grew faint. He wanted to die, and said, "It would be better for me to die than to live." But God said to Jonah, "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?" "I do," he said. "I am angry enough to die." But the LORD said, "You have been concerned about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. But Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about that great city?"
Jonah 4:5-11

Your thoughts?

They Grow Up Fast Enough

2006-09-07T01:44:00.000-05:00

I’ll never forget the look on my dad’s face as we drove on to campus for the first time my freshman year of college. As we passed each and every scantily dressed young lady my dad’s face would redden with embarrassment until he finally said, “Are clothes not required here?”

Just a few short years later my boyfriend (now husband) and I got into a pretty heated disagreement when I announced to him that I would not be attending the Campus Ministry Back to School Beach Party, even though I was a Campus Ministry intern and required to go. As a young California-bred teenager, “beach life” was a very natural part of his life and he couldn’t understand why I felt it was inappropriate for a bunch of young Christian men and women who barely knew each other to be running around together or having a devotional while only half dressed.

A month later our Campus Ministry team hosted a fall-retreat with guest speaker Christopher Green to talk about “Temples to gods”. During the retreat Christopher had the students divide into groups to create clay models that represented the idols or struggles that prevented each student from growing closer to God. Throughout the course of the weekend the students shared with each other about their struggles and at the end of the weekend Christopher had each student toss their idol off the side of a cliff in an act of reverence to God. While the retreat was amazing in and of itself, what was truly amazing was the effect the retreat had on the men of our campus.

Because so many men had shared openly about their addiction to pornography, the Campus Ministry team hosted a post-retreat accountability group for men with sexual addictions and was floored with the number of young men who attended. My husband, a Spiritual Disciplines intern at the time, shared with me some of the things shared in the group and said that the overwhelming “theme” of the addictions had to do with relieving the sexual tension of living in a world where sexuality is everywhere you turn. The combination of revealing clothing on young women on campus, with sexual undertones in commercials, movies, music, print ads, etc. and the ease of access to pornography on the internet made for a downward spiral that ended in full-blown addiction for far too many young Christian men. I’ll tell you that as cautious I was about the type of clothing I wore before I learned of this I was 10 times as cautious afterwards.

As a woman in her late twenties, I’ve heard my fair share of discussions about modesty, especially the argument that modesty has less to do with the type of clothes you wear and more to do with the heart. While I agree that modesty is at the core a heart issue, saying that modesty is about the heart and not the clothes is nothing more than a cop-out for young Christian women who want to dress as they please. A man walking down the street confronted with a provocatively dressed woman will be tempted or taunted by her lack of clothing without regard to who she is inside.

As the mother of a little boy I have to confess that sometimes it seems as though it is would be easier to teach a little girl about modesty and dressing appropriately than it would be to teach a little boy about how to deal with living in a world that is over-sexed when he is by nature a visual creature. My first inclination as a mother is to shelter him from the world and shape his little mind completely outside of the influence and the temptation. But deep down inside I know that completely sheltering him from the world will probably only exacerbate his curiosity and subsequent fascination with sex and will not give him the necessary tools or spiritual guidance to deal with the actual temptation. The ground on which we must walk must be one in which we are active in his life as living, breathing examples of modesty and that we take every opportunity to be spiritual trail guides in this sex-saturated culture.

The modesty with which I want my son to live is not just one of physical purity but of spiritual purity. So where do I begin? First as an example and second as a consumer. I may not have power over what clothing stores sell and what ads stores choose to run but I do have choice over what I buy and where I choose to spend my money. Listen up retailers as Moms for Modesty unite to let you know that we will not allow you to cheapen our children by providing clothes that sexualize the innocent….they grow up fast enough already.

Moms for Modesty Mission Statement

As a Mom for Modesty I believe in common-sense modesty for girls and young women.
I believe in refraining from sexualizing our girls and young women.
I believe that it is unwise and unfair to taunt boys and young men by permitting my daughter(s) to dress in an immodest manner.
I believe that true beauty comes from within and I strive to teach my son(s) and daughter(s) this truth.
I will loyally shop at retailers that provide girls' and young womens clothing that is modest, affordable and stylish.

And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.
Mark 9:42

Your thoughts?

Friendly

2006-09-06T05:20:00.000-05:00

My husband and I had been dating a year and a half when I flew to Nebraska one Christmas to meet his family. Still in the airport I made a quick stop in the ladies room before we made the three hour drive to his grandmother's house. The restroom was empty so I primped in the mirror and then chose a stall to "take care of business". Suddenly I heard someone say, "Sure is cold outside." I held my breath, surprised that someone else was in the restroom, and listened quietly for the response from the other person in the conversation but I heard nothing but silence. I heard the voice again a little louder this time, "Sure is cold outside!" I sat very still, waiting to here if the other person would answer and then I saw it, the hand underneath my stall. "Helloooooooo neighbor!" the hand waved vigorously underneath the wall, "Anybody in there?" I gasped in shock and she continued, "Weatherman said the wind chill would be negative tonight. Can you believe that? Haven't seen snow like this 'round these parts in years!" Suddenly I realized she was standing outside my stall. I exited to wash my hands as she propped her elbow on the counter and continued, "Well golly, you're gonna freeze in that coat! You must not be from 'round here, where ya from?" I smiled nervously as I quietly replied. She continued to talk as she followed me all the way to the terminal where my ride was waiting and as I walked away she shouted, "Nice talking to ya!". At the time I laughed quietly to myself because I had literally said one word: Texas.

Looking back, I have a lot of admiration for the woman from the restroom because I am not the kind of person who will start up a conversation with a complete stranger. Because I'm such an introvert I've discovered that one of the hardest parts of being a new mother has been the unsolicited attention it brings in public places; just a few weeks ago, while in the airport, I had four complete strangers engage me with conversations about my baby. I can't help but wonder how different my spiritual walk would be if I were to start up conversations with people I didn't know. I wonder how many people would be open to hearing God's message if I would just take the first step?

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.
I Peter 3:14-16

Your thoughts?

Interpretation

2006-09-05T02:21:00.000-05:00

I’ve never really been great at learning new languages, but while studying abroad in Italy, I really wanted to communicate on my own without carrying a dictionary or translation guide. I spent the entire first semester immersing myself in the culture and drilling myself on flashcards, writing short stories for my teachers to correct, and having random conversations with any Italian person who would tolerate my hodge-podge attempt at communicating. By the second semester I could hold my own and was really starting to feel comfortable with the culture and the language. One night while visiting a friend’s family for the first time, I was relaxing in the sitting room with my friend’s mother as she and her husband peppered me with questions. I answered each question and for elaboration, I would say, “In fact…” After several moments, the mother grabbed my friend’s leg and said something quickly to him in Italian; he laughed and said something back to her that I didn’t understand then leaned into me and said in English, “Are you trying to say…(and said the Italian word for “in fact”)?” I nodded eagerly, “Of course!” He laughed and nodded at his mother and then said to me, “Ok, well, the word you are saying means “heart attack”. To say that I was embarrassed would be an understatement.

What a blessing that we can communicate with God without having to worry about translations, meanings, or even the words themselves. The Holy Spirit can intervene and interpret for us even when we don’t have the words to convey what our heart wants to say.

The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
Romans 8:26-27

Your thoughts?

Markings

2006-09-04T02:22:00.000-05:00

Open any photo album in my grandfather's house and he can tell you the exact year the photo was taken based on the car he was driving at the time (whether or not the vehicle is actually in the photograph). My photo album, on the other hand is marked by hairstyles; I've had so many that my best friend says that it looks like I've been a part of the witness protection program.

It started in high school when I was dumped by my first real boyfriend; I was devastated and responded by chopping off my long mane of hair. Ever since, the urge to mark life change with a physical change is overwhelming. I've wanted to mark the change from woman to mommy but have put it off until this weekend when I began to see a light at the end of the postpartum depression tunnel and chopped 8 inches off my hair. My husband has since revived and I've discovered 45 extra minutes in the morning that could be much better spent in a number of ways.

I can think of a number of instances in the Bible when important events were marked by physical reminders: a rainbow, an altar, a pile of stones, two tablets, and even a cross. What marks the pathway of your spiritual journey?

So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, and said to them, "Go over before the ark of the LORD your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever."
Joshua 4:4-7

Your thoughts?

Places I've Been

2006-09-02T03:22:00.000-05:00

I am finally back to exploring the blogosphere and I am excited to have discovered some new sites among the golden oldies. Here is a sampling of some of the places I've been this week; I hope these blogs are as beneficial to you as they were to me.

This month's edition of Christian Women Online is on the web and absolutely fantastic. Check it out here.

Take a moment and check out Jim's latest post entitled 'Ever Feel Taken For Granted?' at A Place for the God Hungry. It definitely made me take stock of some things in my life and hopefully it will challenge you too.

Finally, if you are as fascinated with relationships as I am, check out Love, Honor, and Dismay. I don't know anything about Andrew McAllister Ph.D or his qualifications but I have to admit I spent a great deal of time reading through the scenarios and his responses.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11

Where have you been this week?

Fueled

2006-09-01T17:25:00.000-05:00

Things have been pretty hectic in our household recently as my husband has begun his second job. After a particularly tough couple of weeks when he was attending orientation every single day, we finally got a Saturday afternoon to ourselves with no obligations. Fueled by the muchneeded down time my husband offered to take care of the baby when he woke up in the middle of the night so I could get the first full night of sleep in two weeks.

I went to bed early, excited at the prospect of sleeping uninterrupted for seven hours and drifted off quickly for the first time in a long time. At 1:15 I heard the baby start to fuss and I opened one eye to see if my husband had heard. Sound asleep. I gently nudged him and groggily said, "Baby". He rolled over and slowly pulled himself out bed as I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep again. Minutes later I noticed the baby was still crying and opened my eyes to see my husband standing in front of our mirrored armoire. "Trav?" I pleaded, "The baby is crying," I urged. He turned and walked towards the door and I drifted back to sleep. Moments later I heard my husband's voice, "Here ya go baby." I opened one eye, then the other, and then sat straight up in bed. My dear sweet husband was bending over me cradling a large hurricane lamp trying to hand it to me as if it were our son. Needless to say, I took care of the baby that night.

Isn't it amazing how powerful the influence exhaustion can have over our senses? The same is true of our spiritual lives; if you aren't taking the time to refuel your spirit by being in the presence of God you are leaving yourself open to Satan's deceit. I had the privilege of attending a leadership conference several weeks ago and heard Wayne Cordeiro give a very poignant talk called "Dead Leader Running" in which he talked about the danger of running on adrenaline instead of serotonin. He explained that leaders so often give to the point of depletion and don't take the time to "refuel their tank". I think the same can be true of anyone and now find myself consciously working to make sure that both mine and my husband's tanks are getting refueled.
How do you refuel?

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and strengthens the powerless. Even youths will faint and be weary, and the young will fall exhausted; but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings of eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40:28-31

Your thoughts?

Under Pressure

2006-08-31T17:25:00.000-05:00

Lives depend on the quick thinking and critical skills of my husband when he is on the job as a Firefighter/Paramedic. Within seconds he can assess a situation, determine a course of action, and put it into action with no doubt that the path he is taking is the right one. There is, however, something strange that happens to my husband when he pulls into a drive-through restaurant; all ability to make quick decisions goes out the window. Despite how far in advance he knows which restaurant we are going to, once he pulls up to the window he is incapable of making a decision. A typical experience will go like this:

Attendant: "Welcome to "XXXX". Can I take your order?"
Husband: "Ummmm, sure, hang on."
Waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Husband: "Ummmmm"
Attendant: "Whenever you are ready, sir."
Husband: "Ok. Ummmm, ummmmm, ummmmm, I'll have a..."
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Husband: "Ok, I'd like a 'fill-in-the-blank' and a..."
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Husband: "Ummmmmmmmmmm"
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Husband: "Ummmmmmmmmmm"
Me: ORDER SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so I don't have a lot of patience when it comes to the drive through windows but I am not exaggerating. Really, I'm not.

I love my husband dearly and even love this funny little quirk, but if I am really honest about the situation I have to confess it bugs me because it reminds me of the times in my faith when I've been indecisive or insecure. I admit I get really frustrated by the Christian who is so easily swayed by every new theology, doctrine, or trendy religious idea even though I am often tempted to jump onboard new religious trends as well. In those moments I have to willfully remind myself to test everything against God's word and turn to Him in faith. How do you avoid the hype?

For their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.
2 Timothy 4:3-5

Your thoughts?

In The Habit

2006-08-30T02:26:00.000-05:00

This morning as I was getting ready, my husband looked over at me and said, “Why do you always use hot water to brush your teeth?” I looked down at the hand that had been reaching for the nozzle and paused realizing that I was in fact about to run hot water. “You use hot water for everything, even when you are getting water for the dog,” he continued, “Why do you do that?” I kind of laughed realizing why I always reach for the hot nozzle instead of the cold. You see, growing up my sister and I shared a Jack and Jill bathroom, complete with two sinks and on my sink only the hot water faucet worked (even though the water was actually cold). It has been eleven years since I lived in that house and yet I still reach for the hot water nozzle out of habit.

I can’t help but wonder what other activities in my life are a result of habit and what new habits I could form with just a little repetition. What habits do you need to break in favor of new ones?

For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.
1 Timothy 4:8

Your thoughts?

I Wanna Be Just Like You

2006-08-29T17:26:00.000-05:00

"I thought about the whole notion of "reproduction," and what it really means to replicate yourself. Is it merely about the passing on of eyes and chins and hair color? Or is it, rather, the replication of the heart? Do we leave a bigger mark by passing on our genes, or our thoughts?"
~ Shannon Woodward, author of
Inconceivable: Finding Peace
in the Midst of Infertility ~

When I first found out I was pregnant I wasn't really sure how I felt. On the one hand, I was really excited that the love between my husband and me could produce something tangible and I was really excited about the prospect of being a mom. On the other hand, I was really scared about being held accountable for the life of a tiny little person.

The first few weeks after the birth of my son were spent in the hospital. I was rarely allowed to "be mom" because the nurses were charged with his full-time care. As a result I began to feel under-qualified and wondered if I could cut it as a mom. As most mothers can tell you, it only took about a week of caring for my son on my own before I became the resident expert on all things "Little Man". As we watched him grow and began to discover the tiny facets of his personality we noticed the intricate way with which our genes had combined to form this unique individual. Aside from the obvious inheritances he received from each of us: face shape, eye color, nose, hair color, etc. there are less obvious things like the way he sticks out his bottom lip when he is unhappy, or arches his eyebrow when he is confused, or the difficulty he has getting a full night's sleep or the blank stare he gets just minutes after waking up. But even though there are things we naturally pass on to him that can't be helped, I've recently become more aware of the things that he inherits from us that can be helped and should be shaped: personality traits, spirituality, beliefs, political views, education, language, etc. I've given lots of thought about the way in which I am raising him and the charge of raising a man of God. I've thought about the kind of people I want in his life as examples and the kinds of experiences I want him to have. I've thought out life scenarios and the subsequent conversations I would have with him. I've thought about the language with which I speak, not referring to whether or not I use vulgar language but the way in which my language is peppered with the love of Christ or words about my loving God.

I am suddenly aware that the legacy of being a parent is less about genes and reproduction and more about heart and the replication of Christ. May I be the kind of parent who lives Christ in her every day life so that my son will inherit more from me than my nose and my curly hair.

Lord, I want to be just like You
'Cause he wants to be just like me
I want to be a holy example
For his innocent eyes to see
Help me be a living Bible, Lord
That my little boy can read
I want to be just like You
'Cause he wants to be like me

by Phillips, Craig and Dean

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.
Deuteronomy 11:18-21

Your thoughts?

Forgotten Treasure

2006-08-27T17:27:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid, my dad owned his own roofing company and worked out of the home. As a general rule, roofing is a feast or famine lifestyle. During the spring and summer when showers, thunderstorms, and tornadoes are more prevalent, the work is available in excess. In the fall and winter, it is scarce to come by. One weekend after my dad had driven around town to collect payment from several jobs, we were set to go out of town for the weekend as a family. The bank had already closed and my dad was really uneasy about taking the money with us or leaving it out in the open so he put it in an envelope and hid it in the floorboard of our den. Unaccustomed to hiding money in the house mixed with a very busy weekend full of family and friends, my dad completely forgot about the money. It was a year later when he discovered the forgotten treasure and you can imagine the excitement when he realized his mistake and was suddenly several thousand dollars richer.

What a wonderful thing it is to find unexpected treasure: a sweet friendship, a wonderful book, a good movie, an encouraging song or even a great deal. As exciting these small “treasures” are, how much more value do you put in the treasure of all treasures, eternal life in Christ? Let me not take for granted the ultimate treasure that was given in complete sacrifice.

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Matthew 6:20-21

Your thoughts?

My Sheep Know My Voice

2006-08-26T17:28:00.000-05:00

My husband and I had only been dating about a month when school broke for Christmas break and we each went our separate ways. My parents knew that I was dating someone but hadn’t met him and didn’t know much about him. About a week into the break, the phone rang one evening and my mom answered the phone, “Hello” and Travis replied, “Hey babe” to which she replied, “Hmmm, this would be ‘babe’s’ mom.” You can imagine his embarrassment but luckily my mom thought the incident was really funny and still teases him about it to this day. The really sad part is he has also done that exact thing to both of my sisters. Ok, so either my husband doesn’t really know my voice or all the women in my family just sound a lot alike; either way it reminds me of how nice it is to know someone so intimately that we recognize the sound of their voice. Sometimes while my son is sleeping I’ll whisper in his ear just to see him smile, or when he is getting fussy at home Travis will call me and let him hear my voice to calm him down. I am suddenly aware of how poignant the illustration of sheep and shepherd really is. Voice recognition is really a sign of intimacy. How do you recognize Jesus’ voice?

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.
John 10:27

Your thoughts?

Community

2006-08-24T17:28:00.000-05:00

Over the years I’ve been very blessed to be a part of our church’s Praise Team and as I near a time in my life when my responsibilities as a minister are growing so much that I won’t be able to be a part of the Praise Team Ministry anymore, I am caught up in a moment of reflection. When I first began singing on Praise Team, I found the experience very distracting because there is a myriad of activities happening at any given time: people having conversations, individuals coming and going, teenagers passing notes, mothers exhorting their children, some sleeping and of course some worshipping. It took a long time for me to get past the few looks of boredom and those who just flat out don’t sing and it wasn't until I was able to focus in on those who were engaged in worship that I was able to move there myself. Now when I look out over the congregation, I am so moved by those engaged by God that I am sucked into reverence as well. Although our auditorium is designed to naturally promote community worship, with the seats in a 270 degree fan, there is something so spiritual about looking out at our congregation from the pulpit while praising God. How do you find community in worship?

So the name of the LORD will be declared in Zion and his praise in Jerusalem when the peoples and the kingdoms assemble to worship the LORD.
Psalm 102:21-22

Your thoughts?