Not My Own

This past weekend was one for the books as we had two very scary events happen in the course of the past four days. First, a very good friend and fellow fire fighter was injured and almost killed in an apartment fire after a wall collapsed and entrapped him. The details of the incident aren’t nearly as important as the fact that the Lord was gracious and spared his life. I spent a good portion of Sunday talking and relating with our friends and listening to his wife talk about the experience and how it had impacted her.

Last night my husband was the first paramedic on scene after, and really during, the final stages of a standoff between a barricaded man and two police departments. The full gravity of the situation didn’t really hit either of us until a senior paramedic pulled him aside and pointed out the fact that the final officer was shot in the same line of fire that my husband had occupied only seconds before as he pulled out the first injured officer.

Last night was a sleepless night followed by a hectic, traffic-filled morning that ended up with me arriving to our staff meeting 15 minutes late. Once I finally made it to my office I was paid a visit by my friend and co-worker, Spiritual Formation Minister, Christopher Green. We chit-chatted about some business related stuff and he turned to leave, then stopped, turned around and said, “Are you ok, my friend? You looked a little “flat” this morning when you arrived.” The flood gates could not be contained and the tears began to flow. Until that moment I hadn’t fully realized how affected I had been by the weekend’s events and in an instant my doubts, my fears, my anxieties and my insecurities spilled out like the tears down my cheeks. He listened patiently, like the seasoned minister that he is, and then recounted a moment early on in his daughter’s life when he realized the potential affect losing her could have on his life. He shared the path God led him down in realizing that his daughter was not his own, but a gift from God, and that as soon as he recognized her as God’s child was he able to move past his fear of losing her and rejoice in each day that he was blessed with her.

To be honest, I am not there yet. We have always been keenly aware of the risks associated with my husband’s job and as a result we never go to bed mad and always “say our goodbyes” on the mornings when he leaves for the station. I know my time with my husband is not my own; it is not my right and it is not owed to me, yet I hold on to it like it belongs to me. This week I am going to work on giving my husband and my relationship with him back to God. After all, he is the rightful owner. What do you hold on to?

He said to them, "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's."
Matthew 22:21

Your thoughts?