No, No, No

I’ve noticed lately that Little Man has begun tuning me out. It isn’t that surprising, really; there is a lot going on in his world and lots of new things to explore and learn every single day. It isn’t that he tunes me out completely; it is really just when he is in trouble. I find myself saying, “Little Man, look at mommy’s face….what did mommy say?” over and over again in an effort to make sure the lesson isn’t lost on him. Today however, when I asked him that question, he replied with the most pathetic, ho-hum, Ben Stein-esque, “No, no, no” that it caught me off guard. As he ran off to play I stayed crouched down completely caught up in the moment realizing what it must be like to on his side of the conversation.

Do you have any naysayer’s in your life? I do. I am sure you can relate because we can all be naysayers at one time or another, but this particular naysayer is someone that I respect a great deal and has been a friend of mine for many years. For those reasons, I often find the naysaying particularly hurtful because I receive very little, if any, encouragement from that person. I confess that many times I don’t even want to be around my friend because I feel like no matter what I do, all I get is “no, no, no”, so to speak. It is so stifling and so spirit crushing that many times I find myself passing on the bad behavior to other people in my life as though reciprocating the negativity will somehow alleviate the way it makes me feel.

While working at the church a few months after my son was born, I stole away to the back room of the church to feed him. The director of our preschool came by and sat and talked with me while I fed my son so I took the opportunity to pick her brain about a couple of things. As our conversation neared an end and she got up to leave, I asked her one final question, “If you could give one piece of advice to every new mother, what would it be?” She smiled and sat back in the rocker next to me and said sweetly, “Say “no” as little as possible and find ways to say “yes” every single day.” At first I thought she meant don’t tell your children “no” and thought to myself “that will breed a particularly obnoxious generation of kids” but as she explained I realized she wasn’t saying you couldn’t tell your children no but that so often “no” is all that little kids hear: “Don’t touch that, Get Down, Spit that out, Be Quiet, Don’t take off your shoes,” etc. She was saying that you can teach your children how to be respectful and behave without breaking their spirit.

I thought back to that moment as I sat crouched in the playroom watching my son return to his toys after his scolding. A few minutes passed until he walked back up to me and handed me his milk (instead of throwing it on the floor as he usually does). I praised him and praised him and told him what a good boy he was for following directions and then I got down to his eye level and said, “Little Man, look at mommy’s face….what did mommy say?” He looked at me with the most confused look I’ve ever seen on his face and said, “No, no, no?” and I laughed and said, “Mommy said “Good boy!” A smile shot across his face and he said, “Good boy (gooboy), Good boy!"

Are you a naysayer or an encourager? In my experience, the naysayers can usually chalk their negativity to high levels of productivity or the thin skinned nature of the person on the receiving end but the truth is that there really is no excuse for that kind of behavior in the body of Christ. I am guilty of it, I am sure, but the truth is that we all have the capacity to be a naysayer in someone’s life whether we are aware of it or not. My question is, how can you build someone else up this week?

“Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11

Your thoughts?

Sacrifice

It was 3:23a.m. and I was sound asleep. The noise was so loud and horrific that I bolted straight out of bed and ran for my son’s room. In the three seconds it took me to cross the house I was sure one of three things had happened: 1) a car had crashed through the front side of the house, 2) the ceiling had collapsed in my son’s room or 3) someone had broken into the house. When I rounded the corner of the hallway and passed the nursery to open my son’s door I was confused to find that the noise was coming from the nursery and that the light was on. I threw open the door and immediately flipped off the light, thus quieting the noise that had terrified me to the core. Apparently, sometime during the night, one of my son’s balloons had made its way from the living room, down the hallway, into the nursery and had been caught up in the blades of the fan. The noise was the sound of the string wrapped so tightly around the motor that it had actually pulled the light cover up into the fan. I collapsed to the darkness of the floor, trembling from the adrenaline as my very groggy husband came slowly shuffling in the room to see what the noise was.

The whole ordeal lasted no longer than 90 seconds but I lay in bed shaking, heart pounding for another hour afterward. It was the first time in my life that I truly understood the depth of a mother’s love for her children. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you what a big chicken I am. Any other time in my life I would have run for my dad, run for my parent’s bedroom, or more recently woken my husband to go investigate as I hid under the covers. When my husband first became a firefighter I was so terrified of being in my house alone that I spent the night at my parent’s house every night he was on shift. For those of you who don’t know, that is every 3^rd night….for nearly 2 years….and I was 27 years old.

Lying in bed, trying desperately to calm my overactive imagination, I began to think about what my life would be like if I were to lose my son. Tears streamed down my face as I thought about the hole that his absence would bring in my life. I immediately thought of Abraham and Isaac and what must have been going through Abraham’s mind as he stood over his son, armed raised to deliver the blow that would end little Isaac’s life and the depth of the sacrifice God had asked him to make. Then I thought of God and the sacrifice he made when he sent Jesus to the cross. The idea of sentencing my own son to death so that others can live is so far beyond my comprehension that it seems impossible but equally amazing is the fact that God allows each and every one of us to experience the parent/child relationship in our lives. For me, experiencing that relationship, both as a child and as a parent gives even more depth to the sacrifice that was made for my life.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16

Your thoughts?

Like A Skin

The butterfly can just look back

Flap those wings and say Oh, yeah
I never have to be a worm again

The snake gets tired of being him
He wriggles from that itchy skin
Leaves it lying where he’s been and moves on

I’ve been longing for something tangible
Some kind of proof that there’s been change in me

Feels like I have been waking up
Only to fight with the same old stuff
Change is slow and it fills me with such doubt
Come on New Man where have you been
Help me wriggle from this Self I’m in
And leave it like a skin upon the ground

Sara Groves
The Other Side of Something
Listen here

Force of Habit

This morning as I was dressing my son I noticed that when I picked up his pants to put them on him, he lifted up his leg in anticipation of putting it in the leg hole. Not a big deal, I know, but it surprised me because he had never done it before. Later when I grabbed the spray bottle to spritz his frizzy hair into soft curls he closed his eyes and ducked his head down. It made me smile.

When the little guy was brand-spanking new, we were encouraged to develop steady repetition in his routines because his preemieness (if that is a word) would cause him to be sensitive to over-stimulation. To be honest, the repetition also helps with a lot of other issues like putting him to bed at night and keeping him occupied while I get ready in the morning. For instance, he knows without a doubt that when mommy snuggles him up and sings "God Is So Good" that it is bed time, period. The repetition that we provide helps him feel safe, gives him something to rely on, and teaches him about consistency.

I heard once that it takes 28 days of repetition to form a pattern and 90 days to form a habit; it is the reason that many rehab centers offer 28 and 90 day programs. I've been thinking a lot about my habits lately, both the good ones and the bad, and wondering what new habits I could be developing. Believe it or not, I've actually posted a 90 day calendar on my bathroom mirror and have been putting a little gold star up for every day that I work out. Lame, I know, but you won't believe how effective it has been. When I get home after a long day of work, make dinner, pick up the house and put the munchkin to bed, working out is the very last thing I want to do until I see that chart. Knowing you are 65 days in and that skipping that day will cause you to start over breeds a new kind of motivation.

I won't bore you with the details of the new habits I am trying to forge but I will ask, have you considered your habits lately?

Your thoughts?

Reunited

Through the wonder of technology and social networks I was able to locate a dear friend with whom I had lost touch almost 6 years ago. This particular friend has always had a dear place in my heart not just because she taught me to play the guitar and because we both have a deep love for missions, cultures and languages but because she holds the distinction of having had more influence on my spiritual life than any non-family member ever has. Her absence in my life has been felt numerous times in the past six years so I am really grateful to be back in touch.

Last night as I read off the last email from my friend, readied myself for bed and began to unwind I thought a lot about my friend and the memories we shared. As I laid my head on the pillow and began to drift off to sleep I thought about heaven and how wonderful it will be to reunite with so many dear brothers and sisters. The small glimpse of heaven that I was afforded in a simple conversation with a long lost friend was truly a gift from God.

For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.
1 Thessalonians 4:16-18

Your thoughts?

Look Mommy!

The weather in Texas has been absolutely gorgeous for about two weeks now and in celebration of the clear air, bright sun and soft breezes, my son and I have taken an hour long walk together every day. I love that time together because spring air is so magical filled with promises of green grass, fragrant flowers and beautiful colors. Throughout most of the walk I take the time to point out things and name them or describe colors and sounds but this week my son began pointing things out to me. Of the many things he points to, airplanes are by far his favorite (based on the number of times he points them out). Every time one goes over head his chubby little finger points skyward and he corkscrews his little head around to get my eye contact as if to say, “Mommy, look!” I love it. I immediately stop and stoop down to eye level and say very deliberately, “airplane”. He looks at my mouth, then my eyes and points again to which I say, “airplane”. We follow this routine at least 5-10 times on every single walk. Would I normally care or notice that there was an airplane in the sky? Probably not. I care because he cares.

For the past few weeks, our church has been studying the conversion stories of John in a series entitled, “Changed: Why and How Jesus Changes Everything”. Two weeks ago we studied the story of the woman at the well in a sermon entitled, “Come and See”. If you have the time, it is worth a listen and can be found here. Towards the end of the sermon Tim Spivey talked about the importance of relational outreach and shared the following quote from biblical scholar, Kuehne, “I have discovered that people will most often come to love us before they come to love our Savior.”

This week I was reminded of that quote each and every time my son pointed out an airplane because I knew my love for him caused me to be excited about something I couldn’t care less about on another day. Aren’t we all that way? I hate cold calls and telemarketers but if a friend were to recommend the same product as a random telemarketer calling during dinnertime, I would be so much more inclined to check out the product because of my friend’s recommendation. I can’t help but wonder how my relationships with people cause or prevent them to want to know Christ more. How about you?

Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, "Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?" They came out of the town and made their way toward him.
John 4:28-30

Your thoughts?

Seeing God

This month my book club made a switch from reading literature and historical novels to take a turn at a gender specific Christian themed ‘self help’ book of sorts. The book itself was not great, to say the least, and for that reason I won’t slander the author specifically but there was one chapter that has really changed my perspective in the last month. This particular chapter addressed the inherent difference between man and woman and how both sexes possess qualities of God so that when the two are together they are most like God. It is a pretty simple concept, I admit, but one that I had never really given much thought. What struck me most is not the notion that women possess certain God qualities that men don’t possess or visa versa, but that we all possess qualities of God. As I’ve moved through the past four weeks it has really made me think about the people in my life and how each of them reflect my Lord and Savior. Here is a small list of some people I’ve encountered this week coupled with the God-like quality they possess and the scripture that describes that attribute of God….

Ashlie – patient (Psalm 103:8)
Rhesa – compassionate (Psalm 103:13)
Jackie – truthful (Titus 1:2)
Becky – wise (Job 12:13)
Travis – loving (1 John 4:16)
Hayley – merciful (2 Corinthians 1:3)
Jon – righteous and just (Isaiah 45:19)
Jennifer – beautiful (Psalm 27:4)
Christopher – glory-filled (Psalm 24:10)
Kathryn - nurturing (Psalm 104:27-30)
Glen - Protecting (Psalm 91)

How do you see God in the people around you?

Perspective

A cold front is moving into North Texas and this evening was unusually brisk bordering on cold. As I walked to my car after a late evening meeting I was surprised to see my breath as I exhaled. I marveled at the swirling vapors and as my eyes followed each exhalation my glance moved skyward. My eyes caught the brilliant light above me and I was overcome by the clearness of the night sky. I marveled at the stars and the moon because they were so bright they felt as though they might perhaps be within my reach.

In that moment I remembered a night almost 8 years ago when a group of 7 or 8 friends were night hiking in the mountains of Italy in search of a place to lay down camp for the night. Weary from our journey we decided to take a break, eat some rations and have a short devotional before continuing our search. A good friend, minister and highly talented writer volunteered to lead the devotional and after some songs led us in a moving devotional lovingly walking us through each detail of creation. Lying flat on the ground, my head on my travel pack, staring straight up at a sky not unlike the one I saw tonight, I felt my ears perk up as he reached verse 16 of chapter 1, “God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.”

He paused and read the last part a second time, “He also made the stars.” then a third, “He also made the stars.” We sat in silence drinking in the magnitude of those five simple words. It was several minutes before my friend broke the silence in a whisper, “If the stars you see before you were but an afterthought, how much valuable are we as the culmination of his creation?” Thank you Cliff, for the perspective I needed.

“He also made the stars.”
Genesis 1:16

Your thoughts?

What's Missing Here?

This afternoon I decided to treat my little guy to his favorite meal: homemade french bread pizza. I pulled out all of the ingredients, lathered on the layers and popped the homemade treat in the oven but when I pulled it out twenty minutes later I realized that something was missing…pizza sauce! I set the toasted cheese bread aside for me to eat and pulled out all the ingredients to remake one to serve to the little guy but when I pulled the loaf out twenty minutes later I realized something was missing…cheese! What is wrong with me?!?!?!

I’m distracted. Not just a little bit but totally, completely, undeniably distracted. Funny thing is, I am not even really sure what I’m distracted by. It has been several weeks since I have consistently written on my blog and several weeks since I’ve had consistent quiet time with my Bible or in prayer. If I look back over the last month, I am sure I could find tons of excuses, but if I am honest with myself, I can’t really see anything that would take up more time than my normal activities over the last year. In fact, I am less busy now than I was this time last year and yet I seem to have less time to get things done.

It occurred to me today that I’m distracted because I’ve allowed myself to be distracted. I have a choice as to what things occupy my time and what things are expendable and yet I have convinced myself that I don’t have enough time or that unimportant things are important. If someone were to measure up my life by the things that I make time for, I’m sorry to say that my life probably wouldn’t amount to much. This week I am going to try and reprioritize my life based on the things that I value rather than the things that ‘fill’. What distracts you?

Two Or More

I recently joined a very well known, world-wide, interdenominational Bible study group that I absolutely love. I’d been on a waiting list to join the group for a short time so when I received the call that one of the discussion groups in my age bracket had an opening, I jumped at the opportunity.

The week before my first visit, I poured over the text and spent a great deal of time considering each and every study question before answering, so that by the time our meeting rolled around I was eager to participate. The group was so kind and welcoming and we had a very lively discussion that was followed by a time of sharing and prayer requests.

We spent about 15 minutes going over each individual woman’s prayer request and as we neared the end I found myself caught up wondering about the logistics of the impending prayer (will we hold hands? Will everyone pray or just one person? Will we go in a circle or in ‘popcorn’ fashion?) so much so that I was startled when suddenly I saw everyone gather their things and head down to the group lecture. I paused, embarrassed for a moment wondering, “Did I miss the prayer!?!”

I gathered my stuff and headed out to meet my friend in an adjacent group and as we walked down the stairs she began to ask me questions about the group and our discussion. I shared all the juicy details of our lively discussion and listened as she told about her group’s discussion and when she asked me what I thought I told her I loved the format but that I thought it kind of strange that my group ‘forgot’ to pray.

She laughed and said, “Yeah, there are two major rules here; you aren’t allowed to tell where you go to church or what denomination you are and you aren’t allowed to pray together because it might give indication as to what denomination you are.”

I couldn’t believe it; the omission was intentional! I have to confess it bothers me to the very core that a group of believers can gather together, discuss God’s word, share personal, intimate details about their lives, ask for prayer requests and then not pray! It is as bothersome to me as a sentence without a period, a song without a resolving note, or a book without the final chapter. The more I think about it the more it bothers me. Why? First because prayer shouldn’t be political! Second because I think we don’t pray enough as it is!

I am not trying to have a 'holier than thou' attitude because if the truth be told, when things get busy in my life, very often prayer is the first thing to go. As much as I can excuse it away, the truth is that you can’t have a relationship with someone you only read about; relationships are interactive. I am not sure where to go from here, in regards to my Bible study group, but I do know someone I need to talk about it with!

"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."
Matthew 18:19-20

Your thoughts?

But.......

But.

A small word.

Maybe a funny word, if taken out of context.

Most definitely a powerful word.

"That shirt looks great on you, but...."

"Great work today, but..."

"I love you, but...."

Have you ever received a 'but' compliment? I received one just this morning and while I appreciate the effort and know that the person paying the compliment meant well, the 'but' ruined it. To me it felt more like something mean wrapped up in something quasi nice just to make it ok to say the mean.

As Christians we behave like a 'but' (not a butt, although I am sure there are Christians who behave like the latter as well) far too often. I forgive you, but..... I accept you, but..... You are welcome, but.....

Are we really representing Christ's love if our actions come with a 'but'? It is my prayer that I may be generous with my compliments and stingy with my 'buts'.

We loved because he first loved us.
1 John 4:19

Your thoughts?

Christmas Day Blessings

Born nearly two months early, my little man made his appearance in a rush. Taken quickly in an emergency c-section and then whisked away to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, it was nearly 11 hours before I was allowed to see him and two days before I was allowed to touch or hold him. I awoke Christmas morning, aching to hold my little man for the first time. After the long walk from my recovery room to the NICU; I approached the security desk. The nurses greeted me with big smiles, encouraging words, and beautiful gifts: a photo Christmas card of my little man in a stocking and hat, homemade cookies with an encouraging card, and last but not least, a tiny little cashmere puppy dog blanket purchased and donated by parents of a former "graduate" of the NICU. In that moment I was overcome with emotion that was topped only by the tremendous blessing of holding my son for the first time.

Two days ago, my Little Man turned one year old. He is a happy, healthy little boy with an infectious laugh and twinkling eyes. He takes his “lovey” everywhere and falls asleep at night stroking the soft fur of the special blanket. Looking back on that day, I have so many treasured memories: the stolen moment with my son and husband, opening presents with my entire family stuffed in my tiny little hospital room, the visitors, the calls, and of course the generous gift from complete strangers. I’ve thought about that day a lot over the last year and feel compelled to bless others in the same way that we were blessed by the generosity of strangers. Yesterday our little family made a trek out to the NICU where my little man spent the first month of his life to provide gifts for the families in the NICU in a tradition that we intend to make annual. I don’t share this story for a pat on the back but to recognize how truly blessed my family was by a seemingly small gesture. Every day we have the opportunity to bless others with seemingly small things as well: kind words, encouragement, cards, prayers, even a smile. How have you blessed or been blessed this holiday season?

But just as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us—see that you also excel in this grace of giving.
2 Corinthians 8:7

Your thoughts?

Wonderfully Made

Saturday is the year anniversary of the arrival of our preemie son and as I prepare to celebrate his first birthday I can't help but reflect on the journey we traveled in the months preceding his birth. I first went into labor when I was only four and a half months along, and again four weeks later. For months we tried everything possible to keep him in the womb because we thought that the longer he was in utero the better chance he had of survival. Days before our Little Man's arrival, still 8 weeks before his due date, I began to go into labor for the third time in the pregnancy. I was hospitalized, and despite all medical interventions, it appeared that the doctors would be unable to stop the labor. The gravity of the situation finally hit me when a representative from the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit came down to discuss all of the possible complications and defects that are typically inherent with premature babies. Three days later, my tiny son arrived in a flurry and an emergency c-section.

We later found out that our when the doctor had opened the womb to remove our sweet little boy that she had found the umbilical cord wrapped tightly around his neck and that just two minutes later would have been too late to save his life. Little did we know that our baby boy had been trying to tell us he needed to come out because he was tangled up in the one place we thought he was safest. I can't help but acknowledge that God had a plan for our little man that is and was far better than anything we had planned.

As Little Man begins his second year of life, I find myself excited to know that God already has a plan for this year, and the next, and the next, and the next. He knows the kind of man my little boy will become, he knows what he will do for a living, whom he will marry, how many children he will have and the kind of impact he will have on the world and in the Christian faith.

"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be."
Psalm 139:13-16

Your thoughts?

P.S. Many thanks to all of you who have continually checked my blog for new posts even though I have been MIA. You are loved!

Black Ice

I had only been legally driving for about 5 months when a really bad ice storm hit the Dallas Metroplex. My dad tried to warn me about the dangers of driving in icy conditions and about the danger of ‘black ice’ but in my cocky 16 year old brain I was annoyed that he even tried to warn me. I had been driving without incident for about 25 minutes when I turned onto a backstreet to head to my friend’s house and I had my first encounter with black ice. I felt the first shake of the sliding tires and waited for the car to correct itself when I realized I was heading into the lane next to me, which was occupied by another car just ahead of me. I panicked and jerked the wheel to the right which of course set my car spinning, I tried to correct my mistake but the more effort I made, the more the car did the exact opposite of what I wanted. Despite every effort to travel down the straight narrow lanes of the road, the car did everything I didn’t want it to do. In panic I finally let go of the wheel and let the car continue to spin until I came to a stop, two lanes over, facing the wrong direction. Fortunately the only other car on the road had since left and I was alone long enough to take a deep breath, turn the car around and proceed with newfound caution.

I can’t count the number of times my spiritual life has been like those terrifying moments on black ice. Despite every effort to walk in the path that God wants me to travel I find myself doing the exact opposite of what I want to do and regardless of the feeble-minded efforts my human spirit makes I realize that I can do nothing until I release control and allow God to direct my path.

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
Romans 7:18-20

Your thoughts?

Opportunity Knocks

A couple of nights ago, my mom and I took my son to the city's annual tree-lighting ceremony so that we could get a picture of my little guy with Santa Claus in his vintage sleigh. Although we arrived nearly 30 minutes before the pictures were scheduled to begin, the line for Santa was already wrapped around the side of the building. I snagged a spot in line and my mom took off with my son to go see the live reindeer. I settled in for the long-haul waiting and people watching. Several minutes went by as I observed quietly from my perch at the end of the line when the man in front of me made a comment about my son. I politely replied and returned to my people watching. A few minutes went by and the man made a comment about the weather and then asked me a question. I replied, and then returned to my people watching. Another comment, another reply and I started getting annoyed thinking, 'Great, this guy is going to talk my ear off for the next 45 minutes." I stood there annoyed, but politely engaging in the conversation and it wasn't until I got home that evening that it hit me like a ton of bricks; here was this guy reaching out to me, desperately trying to connect when I should be the one reaching out to him. He had naturally and easily opened the door for me to share my life and my faith with him and not only had I not recognized the opportunity, I was annoyed by the 'disturbance'. I think working in ministry has somewhat dulled me to the evangelism opportunities all around me because 95% of the time I am surrounded by people from my church. Something I once did so naturally and easily had suddenly become foreign to me. I praise God that he opened my eyes to the opportunity and pray that he continues to bring me opportunities to share my faith. May I not be so thick-skulled next time.

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"
Romans 10:14-15

Your thoughts?

The Book Of Love

My freshman year in college I began writing in a journal that those close to me have come to know as ‘The Book of Love’. Over the years more than fifty people have contributed to my book, people from all over the world and in several different languages sharing long lists of the things they love. When I first started the book I made it a personal habit to contribute a new entry every year and then take the time to read back over all of the entries but as life has become really hectic I’ve somehow let six years go by without doing either.

Just last week as I began pulling down all of my Christmas decorations for the year, I stumbled upon the Book of Love. Sitting on the floor of my freezing cold attic, I opened the first dusty page and began reading. An hour later, snuggled up in an easy chair in front of the living room fire I continued pouring over each entry, my heart warming with each page.

Writing down the things you love is an interesting exercise, one that takes consideration. For some it creates warm fuzzies, for others it creates an opportunity to reprioritize but by sharing your entry publicly you have the opportunity to bless others. I’ve included my latest entry at the bottom of this post but before you read it, I’d be honored if you would consider writing your own entry as a comment on this blog. Begin by writing your first name, your age, and the state where you live (if you are comfortable) then fill as much space as you desire describing everything you love. The exercise works much better if you do not read other’s entries until after you have written your own.

Meagan, 27 years old, Texas

I love this book and the memories it holds for me. I love looking back over the years and seeing the paths God has brought me down. I love grace, forgiveness, second chances and fresh starts. I love perspective and knowing a little bit of it can change anything and everything. I love learning new lessons and knowing that I don’t HAVE to make the same mistake twice. I love that each day is fresh, with no mistakes in it yet and that if I am going to make a mistake I can choose to make a NEW mistake. I love being a mom and the front row view of a young boy’s discoveries that it affords me. I love waking up, walking into my son’s room and seeing the beautiful smile that lights up his face when he sees me. I love soft, curly, baby-scented locks of hair and the smell of baby skin right after a bath. I love fat little feet, pudgy dimpled hands, toothless grins and drool covered chins. I love giggles and smiles, snuggles and tickles, even wails and screams. I love ‘watching the wheels turn’ as my son explores, tests, and learns about our great big world. I love being a parent and finally understanding the magnitude of God’s love for his son and what the sacrifice of that son really meant. I love the way becoming a parent has strengthened my relationship with my parents and increased my respect for them ten-fold. I love being on the front side of beginning our little family and daydreaming about our future children. I love talking and praying about our hopes, dreams, and the wonderful things God has in store for our family. I love being a part of a church body and the accountability and opportunity it provides for meaningful relationships with other Christians. I love having Christian friends who are warm and friendly and who truly embody the spirit of Christ. I love knowing those friends would not only welcome newcomers and nonbelievers but would love them and embrace them. I love the opportunity to share my story and the fact that God trusts us enough to allow us to share the greatest story ever told. I love knowing that even though I’ve tried to create a list of the things that I love that the love I have in my heart for God and the blessings he has given me is too immeasurable to be contained in a book.

Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:8

What do you love?

Wag More, Bark Less

My senior year of high school, our school president decided it would be a good idea for all high school students to spend a portion of their senior year doing service hours for the community. Many students volunteered to help out with paperwork in the front office or clean up trash around the campus but I got permission to volunteer at the nearby retirement home.

At first I really enjoyed the work because I started out in the assisted living division delivering packages, magazines, and mail but after some time my supervisor moved me to the nursing home division so that I could be a wing 'companion'. At first I just made door-to-door visits replenishing water cups and ice chips but as I became a more 'permanent' face on the floor the residents began to trust me and even confide in me thus moving me into the 'companion' role. Most of the time I really enjoyed making my rounds and spent many an hour laughing, singing, listening, playing chicken foot, and just being a much needed friend to some very lonely people, but more often that not I left the nursing home emotionally and physically exhausted because of the negativity I channeled by being a listening ear. Don't get me wrong, I love the opportunity to learn from other's experiences but those opportunities were actually pretty rare because most of the listening involved complaints about the staff or accommodations, venting about family members, or just really detailed accounts regarding health problems or the aging process. There was, however, one woman in particular that made every day spent in the nursing home a complete joy. Eunice was an 84-year-old diabetic woman who had recently had both of her legs removed and was by far the most energetic, optimistic person I have ever encountered who, despite great personal set backs from her health and age, never let the obstacles influence her attitude. She was a joy in my life and a dear friend who was fond of saying, "Wag more, bark less." I'll never forget the day I came to visit on my day off and found her room empty. I sought out the floor nurse to inquire about my friend and the look on the nurse's face made my heart sank as I realized the news she was trying to break to me. I cried the whole way home and resolved never to return thinking I couldn't handle the heartache of developing friendships only to lose them unexpectedly. As I thought about Eunice's life and the credo that she lived by every day I realized by not returning I would miss the opportunity to develop the kind of relationship I had with Eunice.

I've been doing a lot of complaining for the past few weeks because of stress, health, finances, and every other thing that has stolen my joy. As I sat at the family Thanksgiving table this weekend I was struck by the blessing of having all of my family sitting at one table together, relatively healthy, and in good spirits. In that moment I was reminded of Eunice and the way that she found the good in every situation and I realized how much I've been 'barking' and how little I've been 'wagging'. Thank you, Eunice, for your words of wisdom and the much needed reminder to rejoice in all circumstances.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Your thoughts?

Nodding And Bobbing

Most people around me know that I don't get much sleep. It isn't that I don't require it, I do; it is just that when I am stressed or depressed, sleep is the first thing to go. For the past few weeks I've been running on about 3 - 4 hours of sleep a night, tops. The Saturday before last however I managed a full 9 hours of sleep in a row; not even the baby woke me from my sound sleep. The funny thing is that I got so much sleep that night that my body didn't want to stop sleeping when the alarm went off early Sunday morning. I was literally dragging myself around all morning and when I finally sat down for worship on the second row, it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. I am pretty sure my inability to stay awake had little to do with the worship service or the content of the sermon but I was fighting my eyelids the entire hour and a half and that was with a squirmy baby in my lap.

I am sure my nodding off looked comical (although I doubt our preacher thought so) but the really funny thing is that when you are nodding off like that, you don't realize how obvious it is. In many ways, nodding off feels like you are just groggy but still awake, when in actuality you are so groggy that you don't even notice your own nodding and bobbing because as your body is slowly falling asleep so are your sensors.

I've really felt like I've been holding things together for the past few weeks but just the other day, when my best friend was visiting, she sought out my antidepressants and begged me to start taking them again. In that moment I realized I didn't have things together like I thought and that I was nodding and bobbing but not noticing it because my sensors were dulled.

Our spiritual lives can be like that too sometimes, can't they? We can be so mentally, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted that we don't even realize ourselves drifting away? How do you stay alert?

Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Simon," he said to Peter, "are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

Mark 14:36-38

Your thoughts?

Swap

Growing up, my sister and I were very fortunate to live in a neighborhood brimming with other children our age. Among the many, there were two sisters we loved to play with more than all the others, not only because they lived just down the street from us, but because we were all very close in age (6, 5, 4, and 3). I remember many a Sunday when the four of us would run to our mothers and beg for them to allow us to ‘swap’ sisters for the day, each pair of girls going to a different house.

As the younger of the two in our swap, I was often instructed as to what role I would play in our pretend sessions and I was very often given the role of dad or husband, neither of which I wanted to play. We would almost always argue, I would pout in protest, and then she would threaten to go home if I didn’t do it her way. Eventually one of two things would happen; I would succumb to the threat and play the role I abhorred so that I wouldn’t have to spend the afternoon alone or my mom would intervene and distract us with a game or challenge.

In just the few short years I’ve been in ministry I’ve had the misfortune of seeing many individuals, couples, and families “pack up their dollies and go home” because they didn’t agree with something being done in the church. The really sad part is that most of the time the issues at hand aren’t based on anything theological but based solely on preferences, tradition, or even really petty things like carpet color or bulletin design. I heard a song this afternoon that made me think back to some of these instances I’ve witnessed and at first it made me laugh but as I listened to it the second and third time, it really made me sad.

It was there in the bulletin
We're leaving soon
After the bake sale to raise funds for fuel
The rocket is ready and we're going to
Take our church to the moon

There'll be no one there to tell us we're odd
No one to change our opinions of God
Just lots of rocks and this dusty sod
Here at our church on the moon

We know our liberties we know our rights
We know how to fight a very good fight
Just get that last bag there and turn out the light
We're taking our church to the moon
We're taking our church to the moon
We'll be leaving soon

To the Moon
by Sara Groves

The church I currently attend is 151 years old and holds the distinction of being the oldest church in the city of Dallas. As the neighborhood surrounding our church has continued to grow and change in the last several years, many of our sister churches have made the decision to move in favor of a more desirable or popular location or to close their doors all together. In the wake of our most recent anniversary the leadership of our church took a moment to step back and take a hard look at the effectiveness of our current location verses the potential effectiveness of a new location and made the brave decision to stay in our current location but to make a conscious effort to grow in such a way that will help us become relevant and effective in our immediate community.

Many churches today faced with a dilemma similar to the one our fellowship is facing often have trouble deciding whether or not to pack up and move to a new location or stay in their current location and change the way they do ministry. While many thrive from the challenge, many others become irrelevant in the new situation and therefore slowly ‘die’ off until there is no one left. The decision our leadership made was by no means an easy decision and there will undoubtedly be significant growing pains as we try to become more Christ-like and make the changes necessary to be effective and relevant in a neighborhood full of faces that look nothing like the faces on the inside our auditorium but I think the decision is the right decision. Please keep our fellowship in your prayers as we venture to allow God to use us for his work.

We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ.
1 John 1:3

Your thoughts?

The Cold

Texas is known for many, many things including unpredictable weather. It is November and yet the past week our highs have been in the upper 70’s low 80’s, definitely not characteristic of mid-November weather. This morning however I woke to the sound of hard, violent rain and gusting winds and when I checked my trusty thermostat I was surprised at how cold it was outside. It wasn’t until after dark that I ventured outside for the first time so that I could gas up my car and avoid the morning rush. As I stood at the pump, the first gust of wind began to blow and I shivered at the harshness of it but thought to myself that it was tolerable and hunkered down in my sweatshirt. As I stood there waiting I noticed that the wind was blowing harder and harder and as the chill searched for my bones I began to beg the pump to go faster. I topped off my tank, tore off my receipt, rushed back to the warmth of my car and slammed the door shut on the cold. It took about 5 seconds for the chill to wear off and then I began to notice that my entire body was bracing against the cold, even though the cold was no longer there. I took a deep breath as each muscle slowly relaxed and my posture began to straighten. It didn’t happen all at once, in fact, I was still very much hunched into the self-protecting ball my body had made as I drove away but even without the winds blowing my body was still wary of the pain.

Things have been pretty uncomfortable in my life for the past week and a half and as I approach day 8 of being a ‘single mom’, not being able to see my husband because of his treatment and week two of some pretty tough work stuff I am finding myself ‘bracing from the cold’. Today was a work from home day, something I typically really enjoy because my work is peppered with giggles, smiles and snuggles from my little boy but I have to confess that stress kept me from enjoying the day or my time with my son. As I reflect back on my day I am struck less by the stress that I felt and more by the fact that I allowed it to affect me the way that it did, that I allowed it to diminish the blessings of the day even after the work day was finished. I allowed my pain to become something else, something worse, something outside of me that affected someone else’s day…my son’s.

I think too often we allow our own circumstances to both dictate and excuse bad behavior. If I am really called to live a Christ-like life I have to live that life in whatever circumstances I am placed.

I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Ephesians 4:1-2

Your thoughts?