Ice

I began the drive completely exhausted and with a bad attitude after a sleepless night taking care of my sick little boy. Lack of sleep is not a new thing for me; I knew that when my husband returned home from the fire department I would need to catch a couple hours of sleep if I was going to make it through the weekend. But when my husband walked in after working 72 hours straight, I saw that the workload and the lack of sleep had taken its' toll on his health; he was so sick he could hardly function.

Leaving my sick, sleep-deprived husband with our sick 8-month old son so that I could attend an Elders/Ministers Retreat was literally one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I cried as I kissed them both goodbye and dragged myself to the car to make the hour long trip. Everything in me screamed that I needed to be home taking care of my husband and my son but I knew that I had an obligation to be at this retreat and that nothing short of an emergency would justify me not being there.

By the time I arrived at the camp ground I was just flat out angry at the situation and and my bad attitude was palpable. I dropped off my stuff in my room and headed into the center to meet with my co-workers and shepherds so that I could chit-chat politely until time to start.

The evening started with some games and ice-breakers, followed by a time of sharing and a short worship service. By the time we began our walk to dinner I realized that my "ice" had begun to thaw. After dinner we broke up into small groups for some very intriguing times of sharing followed by an experiential worship service lying on blankets underneath the stars.

When it was all over I remained there on the blanket as people began to pack up and I took a really deep breath and exhaled. I realized how good it felt and took another deep breath as my body silently informed me that I had been holding my breath all day. I basked in the afterglow of time spent with my Father and suddenly realized that he had thawed every last bit of the ice around my spirit.

How wonderful to have a Father who loves and accepts me in all my frozen imperfection and draws me into his all-encompassing light.

Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.
2 Corinthians 7:1

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