Secrets (Part Two)

Admittedly, I don’t find much opportunity to sit in the presence of people from whom I can glean much wisdom so when the unexpected opportunity to question a man approaching his 65th wedding anniversary dropped in my lap I leapt at the opportunity to learn. Although our conversation was short and amidst a bustling room full of people, it was as though all background noise faded out as he gently shared what he considered the three most important lessons necessary to a happy, successful marriage.

I leaned in to hear the soft voice of the man sharing wisdom gained from a lifetime of happy marriage as he spelled out lesson number two. “Learn never to take your spouse for granted.” He said softly. “My wife and I work on our marriage every single day. The day that you stop considering your spouse, stop working at your marriage or fall into habit is the day you start down the path to divorce, so every day I try to think of ways that I can show her that I appreciate her and support her.”

My husband and I had some pretty rough patches the first two years of our marriage, so rough in fact that we actually talked about the big ‘d’ word. By the grace of God, we were renewed in our purpose to create a marriage that honored God and as a result just recently celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. There was a point shortly after we decided to give our marriage back over to God that I began asking my husband, “How can I be a better wife?” At first the question annoyed him and he blew me off with silly or irrelevant answers but the more I persisted the more honest he became, thinking that the honesty would make me stop asking the question. Boy was he surprised when I actually started making changes as a result of the things he shared! That question is now something that we ask each other all the time and while neither of us particularly enjoys some of the answers, it is amazing the way a little honesty and consideration has changed the face of our marriage. The most sobering part is that the question can never fully be answered because there is always something to work on.

I am by no means an expert at marriage but hearing a gentle reminder from a “veteran” that marriage takes constant work reminds me that my marriage is no more perfect than I am. One of my favorite recording artists, Sara Groves, recently released a beautiful song entitled "Loving A Person" that I think is worth listening to. I've provided a link to the song (worth the download) and the lyrics to get you thinking...

Loving A Person by Sara Groves

Loving a person just the way they are, it's no small thing
It takes some time to see things through
Sometimes things change, sometimes we're waiting
We need grace either way

Hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

There's a lot of pain in reaching out and trying
It's a vulnerable place to be
Love and pride can't occupy the same spaces baby
Only one makes you free

Hold on to me
I'll hold on to you
Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

If we go looking for offense
We're going to find it
If we go looking for real love
We're going to find it

Sara Groves, Add To The Beauty

How do you avoid falling into habit?